Let’s Talk Dating - Young Adults

Come on, put your hands together. Come on. We're going to need your help. Come on. Come on. We come on. Sing it out. See, I just can't. >> Come on, sing it out. We say, >> "Come on. If you know this song, I need you to sing it out."

We say, "And just ((music playing)) I didn't [singing] know." And he saw me that I was not alone. ((music playing)) He picked me up. He turned me around. He placed my feet ((music playing)) on solid ground. I think the master. I think the Savior because he healed my heart. He changed my [music and singing] name. Forever free.

I'm not the same. I thank ((music playing)) the master. I thank the Savior. I thank [singing] God. ((music playing)) I got no doubts. We say we're just moving. We say you ain't welcome here. Come on. And just when I and just when ((music playing)) I ran out of road, I met a man I didn't know.

And he told ((music playing)) me that I was not alone. He picked me up. He turned me around. He placed my [music and singing] feet on solid ground. I thank the master savior because he healed ((music playing)) my heart. He changed my name forever free. I am not the same. I thank the master. I thank ((music playing)) the savior.

I thank God. Hey, we say, "Oh, [singing] hey." Oh, come on. Someone say, "Oh, oh, [music and singing] hey." Come on. I need someone say, "Hell lost another one." I am. Come on. Say it out. >> With everything you got. >> We say, "Hell lost another one. I am free. I am free.

I ((music playing)) am free." >> Hell lost another [singing] one. I am free. >> I am free. >> I am free. >> I am free. We say lost [music and singing] another one. I am free. I am free ((music playing)) because you lift me up. You turn me around. You place my feet ((music playing)) on solid ground.

I thank the master. I thank the ((music playing)) savior. Because you heal my heart. Change my name. ((music playing)) >> I thank God. ((music playing)) Hey, can someone just thank God tonight? Can someone just give a shout of praise? We say I thank God. Come on. We say get up. Come on. Get up.

Get up. Get up. Get up. Say to someone next to you, get up. Get up. Get up. Come on. Come on. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up out of that grave. Hey, get up. Get up. Get up. Come on. Get up. Get up. ((music playing)) Get up. Get up out of that grave.

Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. Out of that grave. Get up. Get up. Get up. ((music playing)) Get up out of that grave. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up. You called my name and I ran out of that grave. We say out of the darkness into you.

Come on, someone say that. We ((music playing)) say cuz you call my name and time ran out of that grave. Yeah. Out of all the darkness we say into your glorious name. >> Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up out of that grave. Get up. Get up. Get ((music playing)) up.

Get up out of that grave. Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up out ((music playing)) of that grave. Get up. Get [singing] up. Get up. Get up out of that grave. And I ran ((music playing)) out of grave. Someone say out of [music and singing] the darkness into your glorious say you call [music and singing] you called my name and I ran out of that grave.

We say out of out of the darkness into your [music and singing] glory. >> I needed my savy chains break. >> Come on, somebody clear. I needed shelter. I [singing] was an orphan, but you called me a ((music playing)) citizen of heaven. I needed [singing] my sin was heavy, but chains break at the weight of your ((music playing)) glory.

I needed shelter. I was an orphan, but you called ((music playing)) me a citizen. You said when I was when I was broken, you were my healing. ((music playing)) But your love [singing] is the air that I'm breathing. I have ((music playing)) a future. My eyes are [singing] open. Cuz when you call my ((music playing)) name, I ran out of grave.

I ran out of [singing and music] grave. I need someone to look at that grave and just say that God. Oh, you restore and you heal ((music playing)) Jesus. Your love is amazing, ((music playing)) God. Oh, you free. You restore Jesus. Come on, just lift up your hands all over this room before we go into this next ((music playing)) song.

God, we just surrender everything that we have to you, Jesus. We just declare that you're worthy over everything. God, we just ((music playing)) thank you. We thank you, God. Because there's sometimes where we come, we come into his presence and we say, "God, this is what I need from you."

But God is just saying, "I just want you to thank me. When was the last time that you thanked God? When was the last time that your prayer was simply a thank you?" before God can move in your life. When was the last time you just said thank you?

When was the last time you just honored him? When was the last time you just said worthy, worthy, worthy you are, God? So, just take out that moment right now, right ((music playing)) where you are, and just lift up your hands and just say, "God, you're worthy. God, you're worthy."

No matter what the circumstance looks like, God, you're worthy. worthy is your [singing] name. We lift your name on high. Worthy [singing] is your name. Jesus, you deserve [singing] the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name Jesus. You deserve praise. Worthy is Come on, we lift on his name.

Worthy is your name. Jesus, ((music playing)) you deserve the praise. Worthy, worthy is proclaim his name tonight. Worthy is your nameus. [crying] You [music and singing] deserve the praise. Worthy is one more time. Worthy is your name, Jesus. You deserve the praise. Oh, ((music playing)) worthy is your name. Worthy is your name. Oh Jesus, we declare your name on high.

For you are worthy of it all. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name, Jesus. You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name. Jesus. ((music playing)) You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. So be exalted now in the heavens as your glory [singing] fills this ((music playing)) place.

You alone deserve our praise. You're the name above all names. Be exed now. Come on, declare it. Declare it tonight. For his name ((music playing)) is high. His name reigns above all other names exord ((music playing)) [singing] fills this place. You alone deserve our praise. You're the name above all. Be exalted now ((music playing)) in the heavens.

As your Lord fills this place, you alone deserve our praise. You're the name above all. Worthy is your name, Jesus. ((music playing)) You deserve praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name Jesus. You deserve praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name. Jesus, you [singing] deserve the praise. Worthy is worthy is your name.

Worthy is your name. You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name. Is your name worthy? We worship you Jesus. We worship you day and night. And [singing] let night and day incense and night and day inense and we worship you Jesus.

Jesus and ((music playing)) >> oh we worship you day and night ((music playing)) and day we declare your name and night and Day and night, night and day, let in. Day and night, ((music playing)) night and day, let in. Day and night, night and day. Night and night, night and day, you are worthy [singing] of it all.

You are worthy ((music playing)) of it all. For from you are all things and to you ((music playing)) are all things. You deserve the glory. You worthy of it all. You are worthy of it all. So worthy of it all. Worthy of it all. You're worthy of it all. For you are all things and to you are all things.

You deserve the glory. You're so worthy of it all. You are worthy of it all. You are worthy of [music and singing] it all. For you are all and to you ((music playing)) are all things. You deserve the glory. The glor [singing] to the one [singing] who ((music playing)) be all the glory. Be all the honor and the praise.

Be all the glory. We say be all the honor and the praise. to the one and to the one who's seated on the throne. [music and singing] Can someone just sing that out? We say to the one [music and singing] who reigns forever and ever be all the glory be all ((music playing)) the honor and the praise.

Be all the glory. Be all ((music playing)) the honor and the praise. ((music playing)) Be [singing] glory. ((music playing)) ((music playing)) Be all ((music playing)) be and the praise. Be all the glory. Come on, just lift up your hands and sing it now. Be all the ((music playing)) honor and the praise. Be all the glory. Yeah. Be all the honor and the praise.

Be all the glory. Be all the honor and the praise. As we say, holy, holy, [music and singing] holy, holy, holy ((music playing)) are you Lord. Can someone just sing that out? We say holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy are you. Oh, we invite you, Holy Spirit. We say you're holy, holy, [music and singing] holy, holy.

Oh, take a deeper God. Oh, take a deeper. Oh, Jesus, you are holy, God. Holy, holy, holy, we see you are holy. Holy are you, Lord. We say our way. Come on. Come on. As one. Can we just Doesn't matter how we say Yahweh. All the voices we >> say ((music playing)) [singing] don't ((music playing)) smile.

If you worship, he will [singing] manifest. If you call him, he will. If you seek him, he will [singing] seek you tonight. If you worship, he will. If you call him, he will manifest. If you seek him, [singing] he will manifest. One more time we say, if you worship, if you worship, he [singing] will.

((music playing)) If you call him, he will manifest. If you seek him, he will. [music and singing] Oh, we see if you if you worship he will [singing] manifest. ((music playing)) If you call him, he will. If you seek him, he ((music playing)) will worship you. We're a house of prayer. Come on, declare his name ((music playing)) tonight. Call on to his name, Jesus.

For he's worthy of it all. Come on, call on his name. Call on his name tonight. Make me a [singing] house. Make me a house of prayer. A house of prayer. Lord, make me [singing] a house. Make me a house of prayer. A house of prayer. Lord, make me a [singing] house.

Make me a house of prayer. A house of prayer. Make me [singing] a ((music playing)) house [singing] of prayer. >> Come on, sing that again. Lord, make me a ((music playing)) house. Make me a house. >> Come on. How many prayer warriors are in this room? Oh Lord, make me a house. Make me a ((music playing)) house of praise. >> Oh, make me a house. >> Oh, make me a house.

Make me a house. Make ((music playing)) me a house of prayer. A house ((music playing)) of prayer. Lord, make me a ((music playing)) house. Make me a house of prayer. A ((music playing)) house of prayer. The fire on my altar. Show me the fire of the altar in my heart never burn out. Oh [singing] my burn.

Say that again. [music and singing] [music and singing] >> Fire on my altar. >> Oh, make me a house. >> Oh, make me a ((music playing)) house of prayer. >> Fire on ((music playing)) my altar. >> Never burn out. >> Fire on my altar. Never burn out. Make me a house of prayer. Oh Lord, make me a house.

Make me a house of prayer. A house of prayer. Lord, make me a house. Make me ((music playing)) a house of prayer. A [music and singing] house of prayer. Oh Lord, make me [singing] a house. Make me a house of prayer. A house of prayer. Come on. We declare, Lord, make me a house.

Make me a house of prayer. Come on, let's raise our hands all over this room. The presence of the Holy Spirit is in this room. Come on, young adults. >> I know it's the middle of the week. Come on, just with your burdens, >> with any concerns, any questions.

Come on, hands raised in the room. Something happens when you tap into his presence. Something happens when you tap into his spirit. Not not just in proximity, but in his presence. Something begins to shake. Something begins to change. Something begins to move. Come on. The woman with the issue of blood, she wasn't okay with being in proximity of Jesus.

She needed to tap into Jesus. Come on. On a Wednesday night in Tri Cities, Washington, can I have some young adults that will push through the crowd? Push through the exhaustion. Push through the tiredness and say, "Jesus, I just need a touch of you tonight." >> Come on.

Hands raised all over this room. Come on. >> Just begin to sing that out. >> We worship you, Jesus. >> I feel the presence of God in this room. Come on, just release your heavy burdens. Release the concerns. Release the questions. >> Release the wise. >> Why this?

Why that? >> Why my family? Why my career? Why my marriage? Why my relationships? Come on. God's not scared of your wise. God's not scared of your cry. God's not scared of your question. God's not scared with your concern. Give it to the father. Give it to the master.

Give it to the one who can make beauty out of ashes. Who can make something out of nothing. >> We worship you, Jesus. >> We thank you. in this moment where we're worshiping. I believe heavens are open. I don't know about you, but I can feel the presence of God in this room.

It's tangible. I don't know about you, but I can sense his presence. I can feel his spirit. The Bible says where two or three are gathered in his name, he is there. Can I tell you something? I don't know if you've ever experienced, but in his presence, there's healing.

In his presence, there's everlasting joy. If in his presence, there's unconditional love. I don't know about you, but when I came in broken, but I came out whole. When I came in sick, but I came out healed. I don't know that if you've ever experienced that kind of presence, but it's here in the room.

And he wants to do something tonight for you, for your relationships, your life. And today, as we're having our Valentine's service and talking about love and relationships, I want us to pray for us as a young adult community. We are in a pivotal point. We are coming out of high school and all your high school flings, they didn't work out because no, they just don't. 3% of them just don't work out.

And if you're middle school, 1% of them work out. And if you're that 1%, come up to us, write a book, sell it, but you're stepping into a young adult adulthood and and you're saying, "Hey, relationships is no longer just a fling for me. Friendships is no longer just having like candy and I don't want to switch out friendships and relationships like I switch out my bed sheets hopefully, you know, every three months, not six months." like I'm serious about I want I want God to bring the right people.

Show me your friends. I show you your future. You know what? The person you're committing with is a lifelong commitment. There's no redoss with that kind of stuff. You're not getting you're not trying out marriage like you're trying out a bike. You're saying, "God, this person is a person that I want to be with." with such a serious step into friendships, relationships, mentorship, all the kind of ships.

What you don't want is a shipwreck. And in order for that, you need God in that relationship. You need God in that friendship. So, I want us to pray right now. I want us to put our hands on oursel and I want us to pray. The Bible says in Proverbs, those who walk in counsel and wisdom, it talks about walking with people.

It talks about a relationship. So, I want to pray for all kinds of relationships in this season of our lives that they will be relationships that are God orained. There will be relationships, friendships that push us closer to God, not away from God. So, come on, hands on yourself.

Let's begin to pray and begin to intercede. Godly relationships in my life. God, IF IT'S NOT FOR ME, close that door in the name of Jesus. Come on. Some of you guys got to be praying that prayer. God, if this is not for me, close the door. Make it known.

God, show me three birds in the sky. Whatever I need to see to make it obvious that this is not for me or this is for me, come on. I'm going to pray over you. Father God, in the name of Jesus, I pray that every young adult in this room, God, whether they're married, God, whether God, they are looking for a spouse, looking for friendships, for mentorship, God, I pray, God, that it will be godly.

God, I pray, God, that if they got into relationships, God, before they got into a relationship with you, I pray that you will begin to restore that marriage. God, that you will begin to restore that relationship. God, I pray that in this season of our lives, God, that you will bring us friendships and mentors, God, that will push us closer to you, God, that will pull out the calling out of our lives, God, that will be willing to work with the ugliness, God, and not run away, Holy Spirit, I pray, God, that you give us friendships and relationships that are godly, God, that you open the door to.

And we pray anything in our lives that are not for us, God, that that that door will close in the name of Jesus. Come on. If you believe that for your life, I want you to give God a great shout of praise. Come on. Praise him like you mean it.

Shout hallelujah. Come on. Come on. Shout. I'm single. If you're single, come on some. I'm joking. I'm joking. Hey guys, welcome to our young adult Valentine service. Before you go back to your seats, make sure you shake about four or five people in the crowd. Come on. Don't go back to your seat without getting to know somebody.

Come on. Come on. I don't want to see nobody sitting. Nobody sitting. Meet somebody new. Come on. I want to hear a roar in this place. Come on. If you're single, you're ready to mingle. You don't look like a Pringle. Come on. Talk to somebody tonight. Come on.

Come on. Come on. If you see a ring on the finger, stay away from them. Come on, somebody. Come on. Come on. Meet somebody. Meet somebody. Two to three people before you take a seat. We're sitting in the middle section. Oh, what's up, Beth? Good to see you. says in the book of glory uh the Bible says in the book of Malachi uh chapter 3:10 it says bring your whole tithes into those storehouse test me and see that I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out such a blessing that there will be there will not be enough room to contain it.

Come on, somebody say, "I want it." Come on now. Come on now. So again, uh, giving to God is just a declaration saying, "God, I trust you." And when I when I partner with God and I said, "God, I'm going to I'm going to promise to give you $100 every time I get paid."

Because I wasn't getting paid enough if I'm being honest. Um, I trust that you will get me through. And and week by week, I would give $100. Sometimes I'd give 60 because I was hungry and I bought McDonald's. But the point is, I I partner with God. God.

I partnered with God and I kept on trusting that God was going to come through and couple of months later I I kind of started seeing God give back to me. It was it wasn't one thing, it was another. But money just kept on coming in. I kept on getting a raise or I got a bonus and I got a bonus and it got to a point now where thankfully I'm in a situation where the Lord blessed me with my home.

Like the Lord blessed me with uh with so much more than I can imagine. And it's it went from not having nothing to having more than enough. Um and it's all about trusting God. You know, it's I'm the last person to be up here telling you guys to to trust God because I was at a point in my life where I struggled to trust God.

But I finally came to the agreement of saying, "God, I'm going to trust you." And God has gave me a job that pays way too good for nothing. I don't do nothing besides sit in a car all day. But the point is, God is going to partner with you and bless you.

How many of you guys want that blessing? How many of you guys believe that he will give you more than enough? So, if you believe and you want to partner with God and say, "God, I'm done running from you. I'm done wasting time. I want to be blessed in my finances."

I want you to take this challenge and I want you to say, "God, I'm going to partner with you for the next month, for the next couple of months, and I want to test you." The Bible says, "Test me and see that I'm good." And spec specifically in this area.

So if that's you, I want you to grab whatever amount, put it in your hand or get it ready on your phone and say, "God, I I present this to you and I'm going to partner with you knowing that you're going to come through." Amen. So let's pray.

Father, we thank you today for every person in this room. Father, from the back to the front, I pray that you will bless every single young adult in this room. Bless the work of their hands, Father, in any situation they may find themselves in, God. Whether they're uh studying and they're focusing their academics or whether they're going into a new employment, whether they're working, God, a 9 to5, whatever the situation is, God, I pray that you meet them there, Father.

Partner with them, God, take this offering, take this tithe, God, and God, I pray that you will duplicate it, God. That you will give them more than enough, God. That you will make it make him a blessing to the people around them. Lord, we give you the glory.

We give you the honor, and we thank you. And everybody says, "Amen." And now I'm going to go ahead and Welcome, Pastor Matt. Thank you. It's amazing when you get married. Come on. Give it up for Juliet. That's the man. Thank you for protecting us in the streets.

You and John Lamar. Hi. Yay. How you feeling? 11 people are feeling some type of way. I don't know about the rest. Hi. Y, how you feeling? That's better. I know some of you want some churles already and some chocolate covered strawberries and take some photos in the 360 camera.

Um, we're excited for tonight. Did you enjoy the worship? >> Come on. Shout out Pastor Zack on the drums. Did you see him on the drums? Amen. We're excited for what we're going to um for what the Lord's going to do tonight. We are having a panel. First of all, this is our first service in the new sanctuary.

Is this not beautiful? >> Amen. Look what the Lord has done. So, we've got two amazing people that are going to come up and we're going to have a panel on relationships. This is the month of love. Many of you are already in relationships. Many of you are single, ready to mingle.

Come on now. Uh and waiting season. Some of you are married. I believe you're going to get something out of this panel tonight. No matter if you are in one of one of uh of those three cate categories. Amen. And I believe you're going to leave with some wisdom.

This has wisdom and they have a testimony and they're going to share it with us tonight. We also have some questions that are we've got some live questions coming in right now uh through this app and you can still ask your question right now if you go on our Hungry Jen Young Adults uh Instagram page.

If you look in the story, you can type in click that link, type in your question and you might just uh hear it asked tonight. So without further ado, could you give it up for pastors Martin and Sylvia? Come on, you can do better than that. This is one of our own here at Hungry Jen.

All right, let's get started here. We need some mics. Yeah, we don't have uh We need some mics. Thank you, Jesus. Shout out to all the people watching on live stream right now. We got a handful of people that are on there have been with us since worship started.

So, thank you all if you're tuning in right now. We pray that you get something fresh out of this panel tonight. Um, and that you would get language to what maybe you're going through, uh, what you're experiencing or what you're believing God for. Uh, so I want to ask what your story is.

If we could start there first, you and your wife, how did you meet? What's your story? >> Come on, let's >> I'll just introduce myself first and then we'll jump into our story. So, I am Sylvia. This is Martin. Um, we've been married for 10 years. October was 10.

Yes. Come on. 10 lovely years. Um, we have three kids. No sarcasm. Three kids. Uh, I've been at Hungry Jen for about 16 years now. And we met at Hungry Jen. And he'll share the story. >> It's amazing. >> Yeah. So, um, I got her saved when she came.

[laughter] She went to alt lay my hands like, "Girl, you need to get saved. >> [laughter] >> No. Uh, so she came to Hungry Jen. I believe she were already saved. Uh, not yet. Okay. Yeah, I did save you then. So, yeah, she got saved at Hungry Jen and then, uh, at Hungry Jen, we have these new, back in the day, we had these visitor cards and I was responsible for these chill nights where we'd come on Sunday nights like you guys have here and just we'll play volleyball, soccer, uh, basketball, whatever it is.

So, I was, uh, responsible for organizing those things. So for me like I saw her I was like whoa man that's how Adam came up with his his name and then I took her card I stole her number and I texted her so was that's sin was forgiven and I so I texted her from then on and then we started talking just basically we became friends at that moment um I liked her but she brother zoned me so far that I there was no chance.

And then I I basically I liked her and we were friends since then uh for for that time. Um she was dating people. I had my own thing going on. So we were had our own worlds but though we were friends. So we kind of for the six years we were we were friends the whole time.

Then I moved to Africa. I stayed there for a bit. Uh so I wasn't ready for marriage or anything like that. The moment I came back and I became serious for that I wanted to get married you know and at that moment um she was dating a guy and I called the brother up said you know uh time is up [laughter] your time is expired she doesn't want a boy she wants a man and uh [laughter] can I go deeper all right no I don't know something didn't work out but uh I don't know who did what she became became single and then um I came to my pastors and I let him know said hey uh you know I I like her and I want to you know I want to get married and at that moment where I was in that season my pastors and my parents told me said hey look you need to take some time to recover and heal because I was coming out from this place of hurt from this place of like uh player I would say and they were saying hey look we still don't see that man that wants to get married.

We still see a boy. We still see a player. We still see this person in you that wants to mess with people's hearts. And and uh so it was basically a no. So at that moment, we kind of like, hey, okay, that's that's fine. So at that moment, I took time to to heal.

I took time to serve. I took time to submit under leadership and to get serious with God. And as time went, couple months later, we met again with the pastors and um pastors like, "Hey, look, Everything looks good. We've seen your change. We've seen your hearts. And they gave us the blessing uh to get married.

There's another thing that I faced was I was the first one in my family to want to get married outside of my race. I'm a Ukrainian by nationality or by birth, whatever you want to call it. And um so when I presented the thing that I like Sylvia, I wanted to get married to her.

It was like, okay, whoa. Pastor Vlad married a Russian Ukrainian. Pastor Ila married Ukrainian Russian. So there was that that thing that was going on and it was like this big elephant in the room. Nobody wanted to say it but existed because as the church grew there was different races happening and I was just like well I I like her you know I'm like I want to get married to her.

So there was a lot of I wouldn't say opposition but there was this wall that I had to go through in order to make this happen. And I talked to our pastors. Our pastors like look awesome girl. She loves God. She loves people. You have our blessing. I talked to my parents and my parents said this.

Said, "Look, we won't be the ones to live with her. You will be. Can you handle the challenges of different culture, different things that you're going to face? There's a lot of things you don't know." And I said, "Look, I'm willing to make it work and I'll do everything that I can to make this thing to be the best thing that ever happened to me."

And 10 years later, God be my witness. It's been the best thing that ever happened to me. Come on. To God be the glory. So, I was the first one actually to get married to a Hispanic. Then my brother Zach got married to a Hispanic. My other brother probably is going to get married to a Hispanic.

My sister got married to a different race. So then in our church, a lot of people started mixing and getting married to different races. So it was such a wonderful things to see that once you surround yourself with healthy couples, you also will be a healthy couple. That is so powerful.

Come on. Now we got to hear from Sylvia. He said he went from being a player to >> No, it's a true story. I don't want to I don't want to hide it either because you guys understand that there's times in a guy if he doesn't go from that place of looking at everyone and you concentrated on one, he will be in the relationship still looking at other people. >> Right? >> There has to be that shift of a mindset.

The moment you find the one, you cancel out the noise around you. >> And you act like this is the best thing that ever happened. This is the only thing I'll ever pursue, talk, or look at. And from a girl's point of view, or oh, he's just a jealous type.

No, he's not the jealous type. He protects. He It's like the Bible says, he sells everything that he has to buy that gem that's hidden in that field. So, he wants to protect with everything that he has that one love that he fell in love with. So, girls, uh, don't feel like he's a he's a jealous type.

No, he just wants to protect and cherish that thing that he found and he fell in love with. >> That's powerful. >> That's amazing. Now, Sylvia, what's your side of the story? >> We pray over these mics, Lord. Jesus. You guys want the real story? Just kidding. >> That was it.

Um, just with it all, there was a lot of details that we did kind of not mention because we could be here all night. But ultimately through it all and through that season that we went through, I think for me the most important part was that submission part to submit to the time when the pastor said he's not ready to date.

We had just told each other like we love each other. We want to date and pastors are like nope not. And so that was a hard season for me, but also a season where you have to learn to trust your leaders. Trust that God is leading your leaders.

So it it comes from God that it is not the time and it's not the season for you. So in that time that he had to grow on things, I was also growing in things because just that simple act of trust to my pastors was like I could be a rebel and I could just go for what I want if I if I wanted to go to that extreme.

But I wanted God's blessing. I wanted God to be over our relationship and if it was him or not, I still wanted God's blessing and not to rebel from that. And so that that's uh for the most part our story. >> Wasn't easy. >> Yeah. >> Well worth it.

And we're here in 10 years later. >> Come on. Come on. Thank God. Thank God. We just want to go with you guys for right now just five things, five M's that if you can write down, I'm just going to emphasize a little bit and then we can go into the questions. you guys can ask that because I believe some of the questions you're going to be asking and we're going to tackle in the five things we want to say.

So, if you have your phones, please pull it out and write it down because it's going to be good. So, the first one is uh if you're ready to date, if you are if you feel like, well, how do I know if I'm ready or how do I know that I can get in into a relationship and make it a healthy one.

So, the first thing is >> the first one is master. Make sure you have a you want just the main the first one is to have your master which is God to have a relationship established have God as a center and your master that you're following your trusting your really everything that comes from first has to come from God to receive your first love has to come from God too in order for you to love you must love God >> so master is not church attendance it's not home group attendance personal relationship with God this is for you and the person that you're seeking you can't force him to love If they don't love God or they're just church attendings, then you guys might have different views of certain things, holiness, standards, morals, all these things because God is love.

We cannot love if we don't know love. So you have to have that God as a passionate like he's your everything. If you want this thing to work, you have to have God as your number one goal, the number one passion, your desire above all else that your relationship with God is the most secure.

Second one is >> a mission. >> Mission would be uh first one is master, second one is mission. Mission includes your purpose for life and your job. Those are two things. You have to have a job and you have to have purpose for your life. Some people like, well, I have a purpose, but you don't have the finances.

It's not going to work. It's going to be very, very hard. Some people like, well, I just have a job. You still have to find your purpose. Why are you here on this earth for? If you don't know that, you can't be asking your partner, well, you give me purpose.

Because it's God that gives you purpose. If you don't know God, you won't know your purpose. So, you have to have those two things. What do you hear? For me and my wife, we're like, we love God. We love people. We wanted to serve people. How did that look like?

Through home groups, through kids worship, through whatever it is we wanted to, that was our heart. We were inviting people to church. We were working with people. That was our mission. We wanted to see people come closer to Jesus Christ. And also, we had jobs. You as a man, if you are in a relationship, you don't have a job, that girl needs to leave you as fast as she can.

That's that's just like right now. Walk out now. So you have to as a man as a man especially men girls are are a different story. As a man you have to have a job. You have to learn how to save. Have to learn how to invest. You got to learn how to budget.

Those are the things that have to be uh already under your belt and you have to have a purpose for your life. What are you here for? To serve to build a business to to to impact people to serve a community. What is that thing? And that it is found in God.

So first one is what? Master. Second one is >> mission. The third one is >> mentor. >> Mentor. >> Mentor. This one is is a requirement if you want a healthy relationship. You have to have somebody that knows your crap. Like that's I I would want to say another word, but my daughter's here, so I'm just not going to say it.

Somebody needs to know your your the dirty part about your life. somebody that can come in and get in your face and challenge you. Some guys like before, "Oh, you're my mentor." I'm like, "Bro, we don't even hang out. I don't even know what you're talking about." It's not somebody you call your mentor.

Somebody that knows the weakest points of your life, the dirtiest points of your life, and they can come into your life, say, "You're not ready. Hey, you need to step up your prayer life. Hey, I haven't seen you given a church. What's going on? Hey, the way you're treating your sister, the way you're treating your mom, I don't like it." like get got to get it into your face and challenge you.

If you don't have mentors or a mentor, somebody that can help you in the weakest points of your life, when you do get to a weak point of your life, you'll always drift to your buddies who will who will encourage you to split, who will encourage you to walk away.

Your mentors will be like, "No, you ask for forgiveness. You say sorry. No, you get on your knees. You go after God. You pray. You change. you get her flowers, you you change on these and these things. So, you have to have somebody that really really knows you.

If you are in a relationship right now and you're a girl and you don't see that happening with a guy, how do you really know him? Because when you are dating, you presented the both fake sides of your guys. You're not even real when it comes to dating.

It's real d real. You get to know each other with the real ways when you actually get married. But then that's that's already kind of like, "Oh, I didn't know this about you." Well, duh. You just missed that vital step of having him mentored. That's why he has to be plugged in in the home group.

So, he has to serve. That's why he has to have somebody in my life was my dad, was pastor Vlad, was pastor Ilia, where they they got into my face and they said, "Hey, look, you can't date her right now. You like it or not. I know you can present or you you I was a good I was a born in church.

I was like ready ready." And they're like, "Nope. Your heart is wicked till you change your heart. then you're ready to date. And because of their obedience to them, I believe God's blessings is upon my life and my marriage today. There's many men in the many women that are sitting here today that have healthy marriages, have are are healthy people that you can come and submit under and say, "Hey, look, I want to learn from you.

This is what's happening with my life. I have weak areas in my life. Can you keep me accountable? I don't want to just be known that everything is good." That's why I shared my my story earlier and say, "Look, I was I was I was a player. I wasn't serious about relationship."

And I had somebody that called me out on it and I said, "You know what? They actually care about me." So, as men, get plugged in into your life group, into your home group. Find some godly marriage or a man that can get into your face and challenge you when you're not doing good.

Everybody can applaud when you're doing great, but who is the one that can be there saying, "I haven't seen you two services. What are you doing? Stop being lazy. Hey, I have not seen you tithing. Hey, the way you're kind of dressing up, clean yourself up a little bit.

Hey, go to the gym. Hey, I see you drinking Red Bull. Knock it off. It's going to kill you." Like, these are the people that can really get into your face and they care more about your longevity than what you're thinking and you're feeling right now. They care about you. five years, 10 years down the road, not what you're feeling right now.

So those what those are the the mentors that we want to talk about. Number four, >> right before we jump into number four, I want to go back to master. And this is more for the ladies because I know he said finances for the males, but I think for the ladies more so at the beginning of master is finding your identity in Christ.

Oftent times you try to find your identity in everything else or even your h your boyfriend or the you like you try to find that identity. You try to linger off of that person. ((music playing)) And so to find your identity in Christ before you try to find that partner, it is very crucial because you will not know what you're looking for.

You will not know your identity in Christ and what you're worth, what God has for you. That maybe it's not this guy, but it's this guy and maybe it's not this guy, but it's this guy. But having to know and have that foundation in Christ and know your identity is for me number one. >> And I remember uh one of the leaders at church came to Pastor Vlad and he was like, "Hey, look, I like this girl.

What do you think?" Pastor Vlad's like, "Make some phone calls. Make some phone calls." And he's like, "Yep, I hope." He was like, [laughter] "Seriously?" That's what he said. He said, "This girl is a joke." And that guy saved himself from many years of brokenness because he had a mentor that can say look what I see in her I don't like it.

And he simply like later on different relationships prove that that's how the girl was even though in the front raising their hands worshiping God and things like that. A real mentor will help you to avoid those mistakes. Only if I knew that he was like that you could have asked somebody that can see past that. >> So um Number oh yeah if uh if you ask a guy who's your mentor if he says Holy Spirit is their mentor run [laughter] he needs a man a man needs a man to be their mentors.

Holy Spirit is good but he needs a man. So don't get too attached to these super spiritual people because they're usually are the most fake ones unfortunately. Unfortunately. Uh last one. From there we go into the mate. >> Oh yeah. And fourth one is mate. >> So master, mission, mentor, then mates.

Finding the mate. You have to be attractive to them. You have to find uh especially for men, they have to be attractive. For a woman, you know, it's it's a it's a different thing. So, um, that mate has to be the if you find these qualities that we're talking about, you usually will find them in the church ((music playing)) atmosphere.

Don't go looking around the clubs or different religions or things like that and then hope and pray they're going to get saved. That's you're you're working backwards. Can it work? Everything can. Will you make it through that process? I don't know. That's not a gamble you want to take because you know finding the partner is the biggest decision of your life after discovering your your god your father.

Second one is finding your your partner. So your mate you have to be able to see those qualities and not be afraid to you know get to know them. I would personally my from our experience getting to know them as a friend before telling that that you like them because that's when you really know who they are.

Get to know them in group settings. Go in in group settings. Don't go one-on-one because you go one-on-one, you're both are fake. You present the best version of yourself and that's not who you are. You're just wasting time. Get to know those friend. See them how they react when their friends challenge them.

See how their attendance is in in uh in church. Are they serving? See how they are doing with their money. When no spotlight is on them, how are they acting? That's the real them. So, I would actually abstain telling them that you like them. Just monitor them from the distance.

Be a stalker, I guess. No, not not like weird like, you know, just be like, "Hey, I have my eyes." And and let your mentor know. Say, "Hey, look." Or your home group leader. Hey, I have this girl that I'm eye on. You know, you know, I didn't tell her that I like her, but we're we're hanging out in group setting, things like that.

She might have a clue. I don't know. But, you know, what do you think? And talk to the people that are more mature that can tell you, "Hey, look, I see these in these qualities, give it time. If it doesn't change, move on. But these are the best things.

So I would avoid avoid telling and running to right away. Oh, I like you. No, because then from then on, facade comes on and they're the best version of them, which is not the real version. So that's kind of uh when it comes to that. But if you find uh people, you know, in church that pursuing God, that are plugged in the home group, that have mentors, I believe you're going to be on the path of a of a good relationship, be on the good path as long as you have those things uh going for you.

And the last one is >> maturing. >> Last one is maturing. Maturing, growing. that once you get to know them, once you are dating, once you are preparing for marriage, we don't just date for the sake of dating. We date so we can get married. So, if you're in a relationship right now and uh that person does not want to talk about marriage, you go back to being friends.

Don't waste my time. >> I have I have other things I need to do, but don't waste my time. We are here to get married. So if our focus is not to get married, don't play with my heart. >> Don't waste my time. So this is has to be that as a man that has these things that are are in line.

He should be more mature. He should be in those areas. So once you see them and you know they say, "Oh, I just want to get to know you." That's awesome. Let's be friends. I want to get married and uh you know, I want to pursue that. Now we're talking.

Me and my wife, we basically never dated. We were friends. I proposed three months later we got married. At that point it's like what else do I need to know? As sahara as a friend, you know, we love God, we love people, we have mentors, [clears throat] we have our mission to say, I have a job.

You know, I find her attractive. Let's go for it. Even though it was a different culture, I knew if I was in a healthy rel if I was in a healthy atmosphere, >> it's very hard to fail. >> A seed falls on the wrong atmosphere in the midst of rocks.

Even though it's a good seed, it will fail. >> But a good seed maybe, okay, a seed falls on the good ground, it will still produce fruit. So you have to be able to surround yourself with people that are doing good, that are married a long time, that are pursuing after God, that are serving.

You will make it. We met with this couple and they presented a legit fear. They said, "Look, I'm afraid we will fail." And I told them one thing, "Stick around. >> Stick around. Those that are doing good, by its very nature, you will do good. You will be surprised how you'll think like them, how you act like them, how you will pray like them, how you pursue God, how you'll build a healthy marriage the way they do it.

Why? Because when you're around a healthy couple, they're like, "When was the last time you went on a date? When was the last time you bought her flowers? When the last time you spoiled her? When was the last time you commented on her? When was the last time you did these things?"

And by its default, you'll do good. I was hanging around with around Pastor Ilia and Pastor Vlad. They love reading books. They're like book junkies. And I I hate reading, honestly, guys. I'm terrible with it. Every time I was around there, I'm just like, they're like, "Oh, reading this book, this book."

And they look at me like, "What book? What book you read?" I'm like, "The Bible. The Bible, bro." And they're like, "Yeah, next time we see you better be reading this book." So, by that like couple times when meeting with them, I'm like, "Okay, it's either I change or I stop hanging around them." >> And I was like, "Not hanging around is not an option."

And now, like last year, I did 120 books. >> People that are around me, I'm like, "I met with John. I'm like, John, what book you reading, bro? like let's go man like like around different like hey you got to read this book you got to read why because I was around the people that did that even though I didn't want to read I was reading today I'm addicted to reading the people that are around me now like I'm talking to Brandon earlier I'm like bro you got to read this book about kids he's like I'm not even I don't even have a girlfriend I'm like you'll get there bro on this thing so it's it's by its very nature begins to change those who are around you >> so when you find your mate Surround yourself with couples that can challenge you.

If you're in a rel if you are in a relationship, run away from single people because they'll make you think like them. Surround yourself with healthy couples. Whatever fear, whatever experience you had in the past, that will vanish because in a healthy atmosphere, you will grow. Surround yourself with wise, you'll become wise.

A com a good company will will challenge you to grow and pursue after God. So that's oh sorry maturing right we were talking about maturing sorry supposed to talk about mature maturing is growing every moment you get into your relationship you got to work on your relationship your relationship will not work if you don't work it >> means what do you know about love what do you know about different the way people react communication forgiveness what do you know about fighting how do you uh handle conflict how do you disagree properly ly these are the things if if like well I don't know that's good learn books surround yourself to people that fight correctly pastor Vlad I think did the thing how to fight properly it's like a boxing match you know there's certain things you don't bring a gun to a boxing match there's certain things you don't say certain things you don't bring up certain things you don't do when you are disagreeing disagreement is healthy just got to know how to do it right you got to grow in that area read podcast uh listen to podcasts read books on marriage How to have a healthy relationship, how to understand each other.

Five love languages, that book that's very good. Premarriage counseling, you know, grow in the area. Uh I heard one uh we met with a couple and they they said, "Look, I feel like I need to get to this place and then I'll know I'll be ready." I said, "No, the growing is a pursuit.

It's not a direction that you arrive. You can't get to this one place and say, well, now I'm ready." No. The more once you get married, more demons come out. You're like, "Man, I didn't even know you had that." No, you fix it. You work on it. You learn how to say sorry.

You work on your attitude. You learn how to give way. You learn how to go 50/50. You learn how to give a hundred. You learn how to say sorry when you're right. These are the things you learn as you get into. You mature >> as you get married and you grow into it.

Everything you invest into works. The things that you don't work on, stop working. Some people like, well, we fell out of love. Fall into love. Learn what's a good healthy couple does. How do they act? How do they have, you know, uh, go on dates? How do they have intimacy?

How do they compliment each other? How do they have all these things? Learn about these things so that whatever you work on will be beautiful and will be blessed if you have the right atmosphere. >> So good. >> That's all that we got for you guys. Now, time for some questions.

Come on. >> Did you all receive that? Let me add one more thing I wanted to add. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> He said if >> if the guy is a player, run. I think for the women, this is for the women is don't play hard to get, but be hard to get. >> What does that look like?

For me, it was that season like he said, if they're not ready to mar to be to marry, then don't date. That was my thing. How do you become hard to get? One, you have your standards. you're, you know, following God and all that, but also tell them if I'm dating, I'm dating to marry.

You'll see how many of the boys will run. >> And so, right away, set that standard. If we're dating, we're going for marriage. Although it could change, doesn't mean it's solidified, but you're planting that seed. ((music playing)) So, that was one thing. And then the other thing I wanted to mention is the level of your expectation should be the level of your preparation.

Come on now. >> So what you're expecting, you should be preparing for that or you should be that and or more. >> So the level of your expectation should be the level of your preparation. That's >> that's profound. Y'all taking notes? >> Come on. This is powerful. So I know we're low on time, but we're going to try to get a few questions in. >> Nobody's going anywhere.

Come on. >> Hey, it was it was so good. My phone was buzzing the whole time as you were you were talking. Everyone was asking, even right now. All right, let's uh let's let's go into this one right here because I believe this is important. Um so many people deal with baggage.

They deal with wounds from past seasons, past relationships. And this question that came in said, "How do you know when you're truly healed enough to date again?" >> I think uh again, I want to go back to your relationship with God. God deals with the heart and also the mentors.

They'll be able to really guide you and talk to you about that area. If you are still talking about your ex, if you are still dreaming about your ex, if you still have those feelings attached, you're not ready to move on. There's still that hurt on the inside that needs to be taken care of.

Again, it's not time that heals, it's choices that heal. Jesus, we come to Jesus and we say, "Heal my heart." Not like, well, if time happens, you know, if time heals all wounds. It's not true. It's choices. We come to God and say, "God, I work on my heart.

Help me to forgive." That if they're in the same room, I can go and shake their hand. I can pray a blessing over their life. Somebody asked me about that thing, it's just it's not it's not even on my mind. Why? Because I am a healed. I I'm healed from that.

And your mentors will help you with that area. Your mentors will be able to talk to you. So I feel like in your relationship with God and your relationship with your mentors, they'll be able to guide you in that area to let you know this is this is uh and a healthy thing is that if you got out of a very prolonged relationship or something over six months to a year, it's be good at least to six months to a year to get take that break to kind of clear your mind. go back to reestablish your values, your pursuit after God and then um you know ask ask your mentors, hey you think I'm ready and they will be able to I feel like mentors have a lot to say in those things especially try to find those are married try not to find those are single because they might be fighting for your girl [laughter] just saying so yeah at least married couples go to married couples try to stick away from uh uh Facebook profits please okay come is some I think that's linked to one I saw that said, "How do you um not allow your trauma to choose your next partner?"

Um there was a quote that I use often that says, "It doesn't matter how much um water you pour in a bucket if the bucket has holes in it." And so it's so important to be whole and to be healed. And and I think getting around great people, married couples, that will be uh be able to tell if you're in that season, if you're mature and and you've grown and and you've healed.

So, um, for those that are going through something, you know, trauma from past stuff, make sure you just ask the Lord to heal that wound in that area and get around really solid voices. This question says, "How do you manage finances when dating and going into a fresh marriage?" >> Well, finances, you know, when you're dating, there's nothing to manage.

It's only once you get married, then you manage that. But, you know, as a girl also, you guys have to think Proverbs. It says that there's one that makes himself look rich yet has nothing. There's one that makes himself look poor, he has great riches. Meaning that you have to live below your means.

You you don't need to impress anyone ((music playing)) with anything. Um when we were getting married, I had I was flipping I was buying and selling cars. I was flipping a car and um I had $8,000 in that car that I was going to sell to. It was a month before our wedding and I was going to use that money to pay for the wedding, the ring and all that stuff.

And I remember God put on my heart to give away that car before we were getting married. So I was like I was getting married to a Latina. I was like, man, if I tell her I don't have money. I I don't know. It's an unexplored territory. I don't know what might come with it.

You know, they all say it's a feisty Latina and stuff. So I was like scared. And [laughter] but God put on our hearts to give away. So I talked to her. I said, "Hey, look. I feel like we need to bless this family that lost a car. And then when we gave that car to that family, when we got married, we actually made $10,000 on our wedding day.

Made money on our way. We didn't lose anything. We made money on our wedding day. So, this to show you that when you put God in your finances and you give, God will provide. But when we were dating, there was no like, oh, let's split the bills. No, we were we knew that, you know, once we get married, if we're going to be faithful to God and our tithing and our offerings and our sacrifices, God will bless that.

And that was the story from then on. >> And once you get married, his money is yours and yours is yours. >> Come on. >> Yeah. Whatever she say. >> She gets the last part. What's yours is yours. >> Is there only one person meant for me? >> No. >> God presents.

We choose. Uh because if there was only one person that was for you, if somebody takes him, then the whole equation is off. So >> right, >> God God will present the person ((music playing)) we choose. >> You have to be the ones to be able to say, "Can I handle what I see?

Can I handle what my mentors see? Am I willing to work through different upbringings?" You're not going to be marrying that person. You're marrying the upbringing of that person. Means how they were treated as a child. How do they have their relationship with their mom and their dad?

How do they treat the siblings? That's what you're marrying. Their habits, their character, that's what you're married. Can you handle that? Some people are like, "Oh, this boy, he's so awesome." I'm like, "Well, what's the worst thing about him?" So, what do you mean? I'm like, "Well, what's the worst thing about him?" "Well, I don't know.

He's so perfect." I'm like, "Oh, wait till you get married." Everybody got demons. Which ones can you handle? >> That's the question. If you see them snap, get angry, things like that. Is that's something that you're willing to put up with? >> I believe they say 60 69% of who the person is remains like that throughout the marriage.

Only about 31% of them changes. So if you're like, "Oh, once we get married, he'll change." Most likely not. >> Most likely not. That's why it's so important to know them as a friend. Then you know the real them. >> Ask the mentors. Like I said, I remember talking to FL.

Hey, what do you think? It's like, hey, this what I see. I then, you know, I might be wrong, but this is what I see. Don't be in your honeymoon stage. Oh, they're so perfect. No, they're not perfect. Nobody's perfect. Everybody got issues. Everyone. What are you willing to put up with? >> And that's that's it.

So good. Should women approach or wait for the man to do it? >> Man has to pursue I think when you know your identity in Christ, I think when you know who you are as a woman, you wait for the man, you don't have to throw yourself out there.

You don't have to look. You don't have to you wait for him to to pursue to approach. >> But if she does propose, why not say that? [laughter] >> I mean, it's not a rule or not a law. I know couples where the girl approached a guy and they're happily married afterwards.

So yes, generally the man should approach um the woman, but if the woman feels like this is the man, you just knock some sensitive gems. Hey, snap out of it, bro. >> Get get the ring. Let's get it going. >> Was to marry a woman who wears the pants in the relationship, then that works. >> Yeah.

Yeah. No, I mean it's generally it's it's uh it's the man approaches. >> All right. If a guy tells you God told him you'll be his wife, what do you do? You guys ever see that reel where the guy's like, "I got a ring from J C Penney earlier today and God told me my wife is here tonight. >> You run." >> Yeah.

No, it's uh that's God has to give you peace about that person. You have to be attracted to the person. Have those qualities that we talked about. But if somebody uses God card, then you run run for that. >> This is an interesting one. As a girl, if you're talking to someone and you're only attracted to the way he seeks God, but not his physical, what do you do? >> Told me to make it good >> for me. >> Well, I mean, I can I don't know.

I don't know. >> I mean, ultimately, it goes back to the same thing we with the M's that we mentioned. If those fit as a woman, I think we go for the heart. I think men go for the looks. So, I think if they match the characteristics, the vision, I mean, you still have to be attracted to them, too.

If you're not physically attracted, you have to depends where you're at in marriage, dating, where you're at, in what season, but you can find things in them that are attractive, too. Another thing is like their looks uh don't make them marriage material. And something I've learned is like characters is what's going to raise your kids, not their looks.

Obviously that matters, but asking God to help you see through his lens will kind of shift things. Um, and someone asked what's the difference between courting and dating? >> I mean, dating is according to the world's view is kind of like, you know, it's let's get to know each other.

Courting is intent of getting married. So, it's I mean, it's a play of words for us as Christians. We date to marry. You court to marry. uh you know you can just I feel like that's that's that but um again you find somebody that you want to do life with at that moment don't waste time you those things fit you get to know them as a friend don't date just propose and go for it there's no there's no reason to wait what will you find about them that makes you not want to get married to them >> what else like if like oh I'm going to find this one thing that is like whoa like the way they treat their parents the way they treat the siblings ings siblings the way they are have the relationship with the church the way they serve things like that like that's it you know the rest of the things you figure out as you go through life you'll manage those things you you work on your relationships and on your character and you'll be blessed >> how can you move on from someone that led you into lust and grow from that >> you have to you have to uh forgive you have to ask God to heal the part of your um heart and Ask that God invite Jesus on the scene in that area of your life.

You know every time if your memory goes into that area and you see that person there ask Jesus to replace that person with himself that every time your mind goes back to that memory only thing you see is Jesus there. So ask God to to wash and to re restore that part of your life.

It's you need inner healing definitely uh break every soul tie that you have with that person but you know you truly healthy when you can look at that person and pray a blessing over life they're in the same room with you can shake their hand not like you want to be in the same room with them but if they're you know walking in the same hall you can say hey how are you know I'm I'm I'm happy to see you that's awesome you know it's that you're you're you can see that you're really healed not like oh I got to walk 10 different miles different way that you can look at the person and um to be able to pray a blessing over their lives. >> Is parents saying things about the other person okay?

And is listening to every advice parents say about the other person okay? >> Depends what they say. Parents see things that um many times that we don't see because we're in love. So you have to be able to see like for example my mom wanted me to marry a Ukrainian girl.

So, uh, you know, my dad had a different story. So, what are they saying? If they're saying like, well, this boy is a player, then yes, you got to listen to them. If they're what they're saying is more preference, then that's a different story. Then that's going to be between you and the mentors and God.

You know, some parents want you to marry a doctor or you're like, I hate doctors. you know, so it's like, but they're a Christian, you know, they this person loves God, loves people, has a mission, things of that. So again, we are not trying to if it's a moral thing that they're addressing, that's a different story.

If it's preference that's between you and God and your mentors, your parents many times want the best for you, but the way they portray it is different. And this is where you have to have the hard conversations with them. When I sat down with my mom and my dad and I said, "Look, I see no difference from Sylvia and the other Ukrainian girls, I don't see any difference.

Prove me wrong." And you know, they you know, my dad was he said, "Look, I don't have to live with her. You do. So, you're going to have to figure this out, not me." You know, so that's why it's many times it's those are the things. But you have to have those conversation with them that you have you are a mature person that you can sit with them and say I want to talk about this issue.

I don't want to act like as if I'm going against you. But if there's a biblical verse on this thing that we need to discuss like sin, like pride, whatever it is, let's discuss that. But if it's preference, I want to be able to have heart-to-he heart talk.

It's this hard conversation that you have, not like, well, my parents don't want this. I'm just running away. I'll do whatever I want. That's foolishness. You have to sit down with them and you got to say, "Hey, I know that you guys care. I know that you love me.

I know that you want to protect me. I know these things that you I just want to understand this, this, and this issue." And then you got you begin to pray about it. You begin to tackle it. And if you need to maybe even bring a pastor inside the conversation or a mentor that is mature, begin to address those things.

So, >> all right. I think we have time for one more and then we're going to go into uh prayer. What to do if your husband is starting to become emotionally unavailable? >> You have to invest. Invest into your marriage. Pray. Ask God uh that God can bring breakthrough.

Like I said, why emotionally unavailable is because there was a need at one point that was ignored. That's what it usually comes down. There was a conflict that wasn't resolved. That's why date nights are priority for us, me and my wife. Thursday nights as our date nights. During these date nights, many times we fought.

Literally, we went to a restaurant and we argued because there were hard conversations happening. Hey, I don't like this. These are my feelings. I'm feeling like these were the hard these were like heart-to-he heart conversations that you have because one side was misunderstood or ignored. The longer you ignore an issue, the more emotionally, physically, and mentally unavailable you become to each other.

You don't fall out of love. You just stop working on what God's already giving you. You got to tend that garden. You got to water it. You got to, you know, for for me, I I need to find out what is some things that my wife likes. Okay?

She likes to hang out with the girls and they like to talk for six hours about stuff, you know. pisses me off, you know? I'm just like, you could have tackled it in like in two minutes, but I know she flourishes in those times. So, I got to give her that time.

She likes shopping. So, I need to make sure she has money to go shopping. This is what makes her flourish. There's certain things that I like and all the men know what it is and she needs to know how to be able to provide that for me. So, for us, you know, these are the things when the needs are met, you grow closer together.

When needs are ignored, you drift apart. So, you got to be able to pay attention. What is that he likes? You know, in the beginning, we uh you know, I like to go watch movies. She doesn't like to go watch movies. I wanted to force her. I'm like, "Ah, you know, come watch movies."

She's like, "No, you have your time. This is something that's important to you. You know, I like pickle ball." She's like, "Okay, I want you to have that time. Why? Because this is where you grow. This is where you replenish yourself. This is where you become stronger." So you got to give those times and those areas to your opposite to your mate to be able for them to grow and to be better and talk about these things that you're you're feeling say hey we haven't had intimacy in a long time.

Hey you haven't bought me flowers and what's happening. Okay then you these heart issues begin to uh come up and you begin to address. Hey there was a time that you walked into the church and you just ran inside and I felt like I was you know I was ignored.

You know those everybody was introducing themselves to each other and you never introduced me as your wife. I felt hurt. These are the things if you don't address those things four, five, six months later, you become emotionally unavailable. Why? Because you failed to address those things during that week or during that day.

So you got to talk about those things. You got to bring those things up. Let it be. You know, like I said, one of the Thursday nights when we went to the to the restaurant, we argued. Why? because there was there was needs that needs that were ignored.

You know, we made up to it the other other day and then we just talked about it. We apologized. We came back together. But you got to have those times. For us, it's once a week. What's happening? Hey, the way you discipline the kids, I didn't like it.

It was embarrassing. Hey, the way you talked to me in public, I didn't ((music playing)) like that. So, these are the things that you learn how to fight correctly. Learn how to argue. Learn how to bring up your side of the story without bashing the other side of the story.

Say, "Look, these were my feelings and I felt like they were squashed. They were hurt." That's how I felt. Maybe you didn't mean it. Can you let me know what's happening with you? Hey, I just lost a job. I didn't want to tell you. I was stressed out.

I don't know how I'm going to pay bills. So, I I I just blurt out. I'm sorry. This is where you This is where you resolve. This is where you talk about it. You make up and you go forward. But, you have to have time that you build each other up.

That's why the last one was maturing. You grow in that area of relationships. So good. >> I wanted to add just one thing with that. You have to make it a priority. And if you don't, that's where you become unavo emotionally unavailable. There was a season in our life that he was so busy.

I had to force date nights. Like, hey, we have to do it. And it was hard because he was working busy. And yet, we still had to make time and he was like, "Hey, thank you for making it work because if not, it wouldn't have happened." And then there's seasons where I'm busy being a mom, like, "Hey, we have soccer practice."

He's like, "I don't care. We have date night." And so, even there's that season of like sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes he's not able to or whatnot, but we still help each other out in that like, hey, we still have to do it. We have it scheduled.

It's Thursday, so figure it out. And so really being intentional with that, date night, books, podcasts, like right now we have a book pending to listen together. So just being able to find those things that bring you guys closer and can communicate and just fight or solve together. >> Marriage could be the best thing that ever happened to you or the worst thing.

Depends on the mindset that carries in that relationship. >> Somebody's out there is happily married and it's like, "Wow, this a blessing from God." and somebody else out there thinking like they're single, the world's out there together, she's the worst person on earth and hates that relationship. The difference between the two is the mindset that carries it.

If you build your mindset, hey God, this is a blessing. I need to tend it. I need to work on it. I need to water it. I need to provide sunlight. I need to give it nurture uh nutrients. All these things, you will see how you'll be so happy and you can't wait to come home and see your partner.

Why? Because you're you're you're investing into it. >> It's amazing. I wanted to get one to you. Um, someone says, "Silia, how did your life change after you decided to accept Martin's pursuance?" >> How did my life change? Forever changed. Just kidding. Um, I mean, it did. It did change forever.

Like, it was different. But in that season and time when his pursuing finally was like, "Okay, this is it." God was involved. I was dating before because I wasn't fully in. I wasn't and I never felt ready to someone like him. So I was like, I am not going to distract him, pull him away from what God's doing in him.

So that's why he was brother and c brother in Christ zoned was I didn't want to mess with that. Plus he was pursuing. He didn't stop pursuing. So when I was ready, my heart was ready. God said, "You're ready." That was just like, "All right, let's do this."

And forever, here we are 10 years later. >> That's so good. Can we give it up for them? Thank you both so much for sharing your story, sharing the wisdom. We're going to pray right now. We're going to pray for those who may be in a season of waiting, a season uh where you're healing, or maybe you're married in a relationship and you just want God uh to be in the center.

We want to pray for you right now. Pastor Martin, you and your wife can pray over those uh who want if they're experiencing any of those things. If you want to come up to the altar, if you are believing God for a spouse, anything, we just want to release a blessing over you. >> Yeah.

So, um if you are right now in this place and maybe you're deal dealing with the heartbreak or you still have those, um wounds, we want to pray for you. If you're maybe in a marriage right now that or a relationship that is struggling, you just need help.

Not that it's falling apart, but just you're going through a tough season. We want to pray for you. You can come up to your front, you can stand your seat, whatever you are. I want to just stretch my hands towards you and pray. Father, we thank you that you've given us this opportunity, this time that we'll be able to dive more deeper in your word and to be able to touch on the subjects that matters to you the most, Father.

You created ((music playing)) the the union of marriage, Lord, and you want us to be blessed, Father, because it it reflects the Christ in the church and the union that it has. Lord, we pray for every single person in this place, Lord. those that maybe been hurt, those maybe been cheated on, those that have been, Father, abused, those that have been going through a rough breakup, Lord, and they just want healing.

Lord, I pray that you begin to heal their lives, Lord. You said in your word that you heal the brokenhearted, and you bind up their wounds. I pray, Lord, for their heart, Lord, to be restored, repaired, Lord, that they can love again, they can dream again, that they can pursue again, Lord, that you can give them a healthy view of marriage, Lord.

It's not the fear that what if can happen Lord but the father the faith to know that you are in the midst of it and you're going to bless it Lord and their marriage will be a blessing in their generation that they're going to raise healthy kids Lord that they're going to be an impact in our society in Jesus mighty name Father I pray right now for those who are father single and looking for their uh significant other Lord that they are might be looking in the wrong places Lord that you change their mindset Lord to be able to pursue after godly people that you'll be able to change their mind to Lord to know that Lord that they themselves have to be a man after your heart Lord before they can find somebody else that's after your heart Lord we pray Lord that you're going to give them the right time Lord the right person that they'll be able to see Father the reflection of Christ in them Lord that they'll be able to be not be afraid but Lord but make that bold step to be able to pursue and love in Jesus mighty name Lord we pray for that and we know that Jesus that you and our side.

Lord, give us a heart, Lord, that is humble. They'll be able to take correction. They'll be able to, Father, to learn and grow and mature in this area of relationship, Lord, that we may be a blessing to those around us, Lord. When people look at our relationship, they can see the the love that Christ had for the church.

In Jesus mighty name we pray. >> Amen. Come on, give it up for Jesus. Pastor Martin and Sylvia, thank you both again. This was absolutely amazing. Listen, we're going to close out with our benediction, Matthew 6:33. Uh, and we have an after service hangout. We've got a taco truck.

We've got chocolate covered strawberries, churros, and who loves churros? Praise God for churros? We got 360 camera out there still. Let's have a great time together. Let's quote the verse together. Matthew 6:33. But seek first the kingdom of God, and all his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

God bless you, Agy. Thanks for coming tonight. Have fun.