Free Chapel Young Adults Podcast | EP. 11 Are You Built Different?

((music playing)) welcome to the young adult ((music playing)) podcast what is up y family we're so grateful to have you tuning in today for our Free Chapel young adults podcast if I have not had the privilege of meeting you my name is Skyler and I'm here with two of our amazing young adult pastors we got Pastor Aaron who's our Global young adult Pastor as well as our pastor at our Gainesville Campus and I got Bishop Jordan Ball who's with us from our Midtown campus incredible conversation that we're going to dive into today but before we hop into it two things one we got some of our y family in the room can y'all make some noise we're not alone we got some of our family in the room our young adult practicum Shout Out free chapel college but also before we hop into this ation we want to honor our incredible leadership Pastor Jensen and shice Franklin love you guys so much thank you for empowering this next generation and making space for us to have some real deal conversations about things we're navigating so are you guys ready we're ready but before we get into it though can we give it up for Skyler yes thanks the bishop the Evangelist the prophet else clearest communicator on the planet clearest Communicator real talk though I've done hosting and and I've always gone back and watched her film that's very kind just to figure out okay how she holds the mic I can't do your hip drop though oh Lord what he's talking about is I am a tall person so I usually have to host people who are a little shorter than me and if we're hosting in real life I got to find a way to S that's why we got a sink so I tried to do the knee bin but then my KNE start that was a little crazy but any who so excited about this conversation we are currently in a series called built different as FC and I've got two of the pastors here I'm excited to ask them some questions but the first question I want to ask you guys I'm going off script this isn't even something we plan why of all let be free let's be free of all the series we could have hopped into of all the topics we could have dived into right now why built different don't you go ahead you came up with the series no you honestly it was a conversation that started with me you and Pastor shout out to Pastor Jason oh Pastor Jason our young adult Pastor out in Orange County suffering in California yeah he is you know he had to do ministry on the beach all the time you hate it but it was really the heart behind it is I really want to challenge young adults and I say young adults but challenge us to be different man I think we live in a time where you know everybody wants to either be like everybody else or people want to be like the world and I think our idea of the world is misconstrued we don't realize how much of the world is impacting us impacting how we communicate impacting how we navigate relationships I'm sorry The Bachelorette is ruining people's idea of relationships you know and that's just one example so really as we talked and I know Pastor Jordan has a different perspective as well but it's really to challenge young adults to be different but only way we can be different is if um our lives and our persp perspective and our heart is built on a Biblical found Foundation we have to have a Biblical worldview uh on everything and anything we navigate yeah and I think like just making sure like young adults do not miss the point yes because a lot of times when we read the Bible like we're looking for the principles we're looking for the standards but we really should be looking for a person and so the the the Bible is meant for a love story for us to reveal who Jesus is so even we've done kind of the series you did a series uh on built different I did one too as well but in Midtown at least we were talking about how like a lot of times people are missing the point and perfect example perfect Story one time I was at a Women's Conference in Australia I was serving and uh this lady came backstage and she was uh pushing her baby and everybody had kind of gone in and I was I was backstage kind of Hosting people and so there wasn't really anybody else there and while we were there this lady Parks her baby next to me and then she just walks into the service and I'm sitting there and I'm like she coming back like maybe she's she in the restom she'll be back in no time 15 20 minutes go by I'm like it's just me and this baby I'm like what am I what happens if the baby starts crying like what what am I going to do I know the fact that this lady left you with a baby as wild I know I she didn't know me man like I mean look at me I definitely look like I'm you know I'm Country Club um but like U but she just Parks his baby and then one of the ladies who is volunteering came out and she's like she's like what's going on I was like I don't know this lady like left her baby and I don't really know what to do and I said a word that triggered her I realized you don't call a baby this but I said oh I'm just I'm just watching it oh and she goes excuse me did you just say you're watching it and I was like and then she just starts like hammering me and I don't even know what happens next but like five women come out of nowhere and they're like joining and they're like yeah that's right that's right and I'm just getting hammered backstage at a Women's Conference well long story short I cut off and I was like manam respectfully maybe I should have used a different word but to be respectful the most important thing right now is the fact that a baby was left right thankfully you found the mom it was all good she just the baby was napping so thought it was a good time to to leave the baby over there story worked out but the whole point of that is like they they missed the point like the whole point of that story was the most important thing in that moment was the baby sometimes when it comes to the Bible we're trying to to do better to get better but we're missing the point that it's actually about Jesus that is true so J Ball just recapped kind of what they talked about at Midtown why don't you give our family a little recap of what you preached on so I'll I'll recap that but I want to say like yeah cuz sometimes when I'm not navigating what to preach sometimes God will speak to me either in songs or just in like Visions I get like a picture and it's so funny we were talking about this with Jill early on but I got this vision of I had a cousin who was like literally like swole like he was built like he had no neck his pets was his pets was as big as somebody's head and we used to like be like yo cuz you you built bro you built different like and it's so interesting that in that you can see where a person is at but you don't see their process and again one of the points and what we're trying to do is like okay we want you to be different you know we want you to navigate your life different relationships different all that stuff but we can't forsake the process of how that happens CU I think there's this expectation to operate and be perfect um which the Bible isn't asking us to be perfect the Bible is asking us to be righteous but that only comes through our relationship and through faith um but don't forsake your process and that process is what you do on a day-to-day basis your habits um you know what you take in what are you watching cons what are you listening to I'm sorry you can't develop a built different sort of Lifestyle through the word of God if all you're listening to is worldly podcast or you're watching movies with a bunch of cussing and all that like you're just all you're taking in is all you're taking in is worldly things so what you consume is what you're going to give out you know so it's really challenging people to CU the mistake we make too is like we can sit up here and tell people like hey do a plus b plus C and then you'll get D but I think we have the basic spiritual disciplines but I think it's important for people to have their own relationship with God to see what God wants them to do how much time God wants to have with them to develop that sort of built different heart and mindset so I just wanted to get that out first that's good but in terms of what we where I was coming from to start the series it was really based on mindset I think one of the main detering factors in a person's walk with Christ is their mindset yeah and I think and I'm going to give personal the enemy always got me here yeah and how I thought how I thought about myself how I thought about others so the goal was to really challenge people in their thinking because one of the areas where people get messed up in their thinking is when they go through trials and tribulations and one of the things I said in my our first message is like our concept of even Egypt when we think of Egypt we think of slavery oppression we think we go negative where what I learned through studies over the years Egypt isn't necessarily if we have the right mindset a negative thing it's a good thing God can use and will use to produce something great in us and through us so I give an account of even how Abraham and even Jesus in points in their Journey Egypt was a place of safety yeah you see what I'm saying so it's challenging young adults to allow God to take you on this journey your Egypt to bring you to a place of having dominion over Egypt and I come from Genesis with the story of Joseph um I meant that man went through it like y'all know the story I me those who are watching y know the account of J I mean he uh was you know betrayed by his brothers uh sold into slavery you know Pastor talked about on Sunday Piper's wife was coming you know trying to get to him um took that coat he took that that jacket get that third coat though you I would have been kind of mad like I really like thato we got this merch imagine having your ya zip up and somebody ripping it like bro I pay money for that like come on now but it was it could be my sweater vest man right right but it's like you know all these things can happen but when it happens to us or we go through these things what's our mindset is our mindset victim yeah is our mindset defeat is our mindset oh God why me or is our mindset God what are you trying to get in me or through me or what do you want me to learn or understand and I think if we approach it that way we'll come to walk in the power and authority God has given us and we can have dominion over Egypt so that's the perspective I came from I love that I want to pitch a question that's kind of like talk to a sky I we're just going to go for it so obviously we're talking about different yeah living different from the world but I feel like a struggle that young adults who are not necessarily new to the faith who are kind of like we've been doing this for a minute is the challenge not to be like weird Christian or like weird churchy or weird over spiritual so sometimes we feel the need to be a little bit worldly so that we don't come across weird or like to be able to connect with other people I don't want to be to Jesus e so that I don't come across any kind of way I hope that makes sense but like almost feeling the need to dilute yourself a little bit to be more reachable and relatable to the world and I literally I there's so many biblical examples that go through my head but this series is so important because we are called to be different but how do we navigate being different without being like too worldly or too weird or I hope that makes sense something like no and and I don't goe no no no you go I was just going to say like I I think like uh like we're we're set apart yeah like to begin with but also at the same time like uh our our job is to go out and Reach people now there's a right approach and there's a wrong approach now I've had moments where like I watch people do stuff that's absolutely crazy and weird with people like I had this one guy I was in the car with and we were talking about my his buddy's dad and then my friend who's a Christian goes is does he know the Lord like out of nowhere and you're like ah bro that wasn't the moment and then I was like bro relax like we don't need to be doing that like we're in Midtown bro you do that around here like you get shot um but like you don't really do but like uh but but there has to be like this understanding where like I get to know the person first right and so like I don't know about you but it's very rare that like once I come up to somebody I get to know them and like I get to know their name get another background like they will see something different in me but like just for example like when I got first got saved and I was becoming a youth pastor I was still struggling cuz I was hanging out with all my old friends still and uh like we would still go out to like the bars and stuff like that and one time we went out to this house party and I had had a conviction not to drink now I was still hanging around them and stuff like that but I wasn't drinking and then we ended up playing like beer pong and I was going to go drink the cup and my boy goes no that's that's not for you you didn't do that however I was putting myself in an environment that wasn't good so I think like you have to just ask yourself like am I putting myself in an environment where I'm being effective or not and I so I think you have to be just thinking through your head like I wouldn't be effective with people but I think first off have to build a relationship with somebody but also at the same time realize that sometimes what we believe is really weird yeah so you have to put that on the table like it it just it is what it is but yeah no and I'm just going to piggyback that I think you kind of hit it I think we get in the mindset of trying to be relatable and we try to feel like we we get to this place of feeling like we have to like conform to people to connect with people but we don't have to or even relate we just have to understand people and that was the Heart of Jesus like he never felt like he had to not be the Son of God to now relate with people he just understood people and I think you hit it on the head is like getting to know people asking questions I'll give a quick story I was at a donor event and um you know we're just you know at times connecting with people and this one particular donor you could tell they were very nervous to be around and you would think man why is this person with a lot of money like afraid to kind of connect with people but you just don't know where people are they're in different places in her life but he's talking to me and we start talking Sports and talking like football and that man starts he starts cussing he's like yeah you know this is some BS and you know F this and I'm like I didn't B ey now in that moment I can now sort of like agree with him in the sense of now I'm cussing or now I'm like man you right but I didn't have to conform to him to understand him I just didn't bat an eye but I understood he's just in a different place in his walk but that doesn't give me the right to you know demonize him or but I didn't bet not I just like man Sports is crazy I just got to just you know talked about the sport but didn't you know blink or anything or make mention cuz here's another thing I think I would have did him a disservice I'm like man don't cuss around me man it's then that's when it gets weird that's when it getsd we like I got to just love on people it's the holy spirit's job to convict people yes go ahead I was going to say that literally is the perfect like I was sitting here thinking I feel like it gets weird when we let our works lead instead of our love lead if we let love be the motivation behind us being different then that shows Jesus way more than just our works alone but if our works are leading the way I think of me when I started like feeling need to carry my cross and walk and I just like I need to go up to people and ask them if they need prayer I need to go up to people and do this and that and it always felt a little bit weird but it's because I put this pressure on myself as a young adult for works but if I would have led with relationship like you're talking about if I would have led with love then that would have felt way more natural and that wouldn't have came across weird and I would always address it i' would always be like hey I know this might be a little awkward but blah blah blah but if you let love lead I think that eliminates so much of the problem but also allowing people to be themselves like I recall going into barber shops and I'm not going into Barber Shop talking about something y'all Pastor Aaron here I'm about to get my haircut no like I remember uh when I started going to the barber shop I go to in context now nobody knew I was a pastor but they're like being themselves they like cussing talking about and I'm just sitting there just you know get my haircut cuz can you imagine me being in that setting being like man y shouldn't be cussing they be like man who you like but actually I want people to be themselves cuz now I know how to understand them and effectively disciple them and communicate with them but going back to that story of that donor I just loved on him the whole weekend I didn't judge him just connected with him and my goal based on what I saw was to love him and help him feel comfortable not judge him and correct him cuz it just wasn't the time but I want to share this he sent an email on Sunday um and he said hey it was a it was such a pleasure meeting you cuz you you this telling story I I was reminded of this email he said you and your wife this past weekend um You probably don't know this but I almost didn't attend I live a simple life and didn't feel like I was qualified or would fit in with the Heavy Hitters but you especially made me feel so welcome and loved with our conversation and now I know I fit in because God knows my heart yeah and I'm not saying that to boast that has nothing to do with me but it's you know the spirit of God man to love people understand people and meet people it is not our responsibility to change anybody and I think to your point being built different is understanding that that we don't do the change the Holy Spirit does we just help and we get uh we grab people hand and just say hey I'm going to walk this journey with you but that's what people appreciate and that guy felt celebrated he felt seen and I think like if you go into a conversation with anybody there's probably just being me being honest like you know I'll send like I'll have a conversation with like 50 different people a day over text messages cuz i' be texting like people like crazy just trying to like talk to them I'll still come home after doing all that and be like I got to I got to reach more people it's like well why is that in me it's because I I don't feel like I'm doing enough I don't know if I necessar feel like I'm enough so when you get in a conversation with somebody especially when it comes to Faith people always feel inadequate like when people are like you need to pray more you need to read your Bible more just so you know that's always on the table yeah I don't know a single person that's like bro I pray way too much man i' be out here read way too much in my Bible I mean me and God I just be talking to them too much people be C they be trying to tell their stat line you know what I'm saying oh man I'm saying it's like no why care yeah yeah you pray for three hours sick man like me and God talk all day whatever yeah congratulations I think it's one of those things where like going back that dude felt celebrated and like if you look at the story of the woman at the well like Jesus doesn't lead with do you know who I am do you know that I'm God he doesn't start off the way he goes yo give me a drink of water and he met her exactly where she was and I'll tell a quick story we're going to be strapped on time but and I don't want to take away from your amazing stories but um I I had a friend who who struggled and he he he was uh he identified as gay and you know he was struggling with that lifestyle and uh him and I would kind of hang out and I would take him to Cheesecake Factory and buy him dinner and stuff like that we would talk about faith and you know one thing that he told me one time was uh he said I haven't ever had a Christian treat me this way much less alone a a pastor treat me like this and uh I mean he he would cry and then I started crying and long story short we had a conversation for a while uh ended up leading him to Jesus he was like I want to accept Jesus is that okay I'm like of course bro of course that's okay and him and I are crying back and forth but my question always to like Christians especially ones that either want to fit in or or or they don't want to share their faith I'm like bro when did we get so good that we can't sit with the woman at the well when did we become so like Superior that we can't be with people and so my hope and prayer for like people is to realize like dude you're on a mission you've been set apart this life is way better than what I was doing you know back in the day but that guy felt celebrated can guarantee you that woman felt celebrated the woman at the well felt celebrated too because she went back to her hometown told a bunch of people and the woman who was most shameful brought the Revival and so I love God how he brings the most shameful things to Revival humility humility that's very good I think everything we're saying this is very necessary to be reminded that being built different isn't about us it's not like a self-help thing it's not like a be the best version of you type situation it's we are built different to glorify God and love his people I literally think of The Commandments like Jesus saying when the guy asked him what are the most important Commandments he's like love God with all your heart all your mind soul and then love people that's the essence and the motive behind being built different but I'm really glad we were able to talk about love SP time there it's think about what is it Matthew 7 of what are you build upon yeah the rock or singing sand and I think it's when you build on a rock there's a level of security there's a level of knowing who you are because you know it's founded on Jesus the word of God but if you're built on trying to be something if you're built on trying to accumulate something just works man people just going to look at you like yeah we good you know what I mean so but I think like even you saying like you know hey this is the Commandment like love the Lord you got all your all your heart s soul mind I'm going to get these words out today I didn't drink enough water uh dry tongue but uh but talking about that and then loving your neighbor as yourself I think we also have to establish that like the reason why people struggle to go hey should I try and fit in should I not how do I love on somebody how do I care for somebody is because like we all struggle with this which when Jesus gives that commandment what he's actually saying is like it's impossible you can't love God with all your heart soul mind and strength because it's like he's asking for perfection in that moment and you're like I I can't do that and then love my neighbor I barely love myself and so the reason we sometimes struggle in relationships is because we're projecting the insecurities we have onto somebody else and so the reason why Jesus says that he's goes that's absolutely impossible so why would he teach on impossibility because he's the Savior yeah and so he's like I will help you so whether you're trying to like fit in or whatever ask God God how do I navigate this relationship and I'll say this like I got some friends that are pretty influential like in the world and the one thing about them that I always do with them and they might not know this I'm going to give away my dirty little secret U my wife hates when I say that but I will legit if I'm hanging out with them and we're somewhere where it's like there's a famous person over there and there's somebody over there I'll be like bro this is so sick this is I'm like dude this is in I'm like you hang out with these people and they're like yeah bro I do but like to them this is like the greatest thing ever that somebody would see them that somebody would celebrate them and I'm not trying to do what everybody else is do but I'm like bro that like I'm like bro this is crazy you drive what car you know and I'm like celebrating that person because to them it's like no one else sees them but if you can see them man man that's the power of being seen I love it all right pivoting so we've talked about loving people the foundation of being built different but for those young adult who are actively trying to walk this out trying to live different that can often times come with a little bit of loneliness feeling like obviously a new there's a new standard of how you live your life but you can't impose that standard on your friends you can't expect your friends I especially think of in the city like that's not necessarily the culture like here in Gainesville there's a whole lot of you know Believers and it's a little easier to be a certain type of way when the community you're surrounded with is that way but let's say for the young adult listening who is not surrounded maybe their family is not Believers but they're taking that step to different or maybe their friend group is they was ratchet together and now they're taking a turn where they want to be different what kind of some I guess helpful advice or maybe even encouragement for the young adult who wants to be different but is struggling with loneliness and the loneliness of walking it out I mean I think the first thing we have to consider is having an awareness of where you are if loneliness is leading your discipleship that's a dangerous thing because loneliness will bring you to cuz I think that's the fine line with discipleship cuz I hear the the verse about you know be in the world but not of it and it's people's excuse to go to the club it's like I got to go to Club and minister no no you don't you know what I mean but I think when you have a sound awareness of where you are in terms of your walk with Christ you kind of know how to navigate friendships and where you need to be so I'll just give an example if I know that my friend group you know before I was save was one of partying and drinking I'm probably not going to hang out on their terms it's like no I love y'all and you know I'm with y'all but I just don't do that but y'all come to the crib let's watch a movie or let's go to a movie let's go bowling let's go you see what I'm saying you got to be willing to stand T toes down on where you are and lead your friends don't let your friends lead you but you can still love them by Leading them you just don't have to conform and say oh I still want to minister to them so if they're going to strip club I'm going go too like don't do that don't do that it's hey we going to hang out on my terms cuz I got to have boundaries yeah that's good yeah and I think like we always have to say like change is hard so like if you go from like getting saved to like your friends abandoning you or like you just having to leave your friends like that's really hard and so like loneliness probably will come but I will say like leaning into friendship like if you're going to church if you're involved in community now you're honestly like restarting friendships over which yet again it's so much easier to go back to what you knew like same thing with like the Israelites when you're talking about going to Egypt they're like we want to go back to like Egypt we want to go back that way but it's like God's not calling you back that way he's calling you forward and so for me it was tough cuz like I had to get new friends and honestly some of the friends I was like getting and picking I was like I don't think I should be friends with these guys cuz I'm like these guys are lame you know like I'm coming out of being safe I'm like I'm with all the cool dudes you know and this dude over here likes anime and I'm like and to me I'm like I I can't get down with anime sh to anime if you anime we a't I'm Legit just like I'm like I don't understand this and like people who are into anime they're so passionate about it very passionate either hate it or love it you are like in it and don't get mad at you don't get that Goku on you you like what did you just do yeah po what are you doing C but like you know like those look they laughing they know we tell the in the room are like yeah the anime lovers that's real but I love you I love you I'm not judging you um but like some of those people became my friends but at the heart of it when they became my friends the one thing that they had was we had the same belief but also we had the same care and love towards each other and so like when you're starting over on friendships and there's this isolation like just understand change is going to be hard but like lean into some of those friendships and they might not be the people that you would normally pick but I can guarantee you that if you lean into those people they're going to become a greater friend for you than sometimes your old friends because I had some of my old friends and when I got saved they're like bro you're different you're not going to the club with us like we don't want anything to do with you I'm like let me get this straight my life as has gotten better I'm trying to help people now and now you have a problem with it okay so we can't we can't be friends then so for me it was like I'm going to lean into some of these friends and yeah I mean it still gets lonely at times to be honest with you but now I'm married no I'm Kidd oh my God but that's when those lonely times so to speak is the times we can really hear the Lord yes and hear his functioning and his leading and his encouragement you know so don't be afraid of the loneliness cuz there's a difference between loneliness and isolation don't isolate but sometimes allow God to bring you to a place of being able to hear him and that piggy I was going to say that before we get into some of the questions you guys sent in but um that lonely spot before you get your new group of friends or before you walk into something new that is the perfect time for you develop a true friendship with the Lord that is the time I think of the fellowship of suffering like being different comes with pain it comes with having to rebuild and reestablish what some of us have known our whole lives and now we're this new completely new journey and that comes with loneliness and that comes with pain but I love that Jesus says that he is near to the Brokenhearted and even though it might not it seems a little dramatic to be brokenhearted over a lifestyle change when that's all you know that is a real pain and God acknowledges that pain and he wants to be with you in that so lean into the Lord but also lean into Community like Jordan Ball saying like PA is saying but I love that you're watching our podcast but don't just let your faith be an online virtual you need to get around believers who can encourage you who can become your family we are the body of Christ you hear us say family all the time on here and we mean that but that is how you live different is you develop that relationship with Jesus and you get in some good community and I just want I'm sorry Sky pck back that just to make sure people know even some of the heart behind the series is like when we are built different everything's going to be different yeah even how we give cuz I've heard young adults struggle with the idea of giving when you're built different you're sold out for the kingdom and it's like even if I don't understand fully the revelation of ties and offering I'mma give anyway cuz that's how much I love the Lord yeah conflict I'm going navigate conflict different I'm going navigate anything and everything around what we navigate on day-to-day basis we're just going to approach it through a Biblical lens yeah and also I don't like to leave it like ambiguous is that the word but um that's a big word uous like kind of gray area it is a dictionary I'm pretty sure too but I want to just hit on some bullet points before I present one of these questions but to be built different in our work environment what that kind of looks like for us as young adults is sometimes you clock in clock out and you are mentally already on the next thing while you're at work but to be built different is to glorify the Lord through your work and love people at work I think of at home I'm I'm just going to go through some simple things at home it doesn't mean you just show up your family's there you pass by you high them by you go to your room you do your thing it means showing the love of Jesus Through how you love your family family how you show up at home you don't just you know you made an important point that I feel like young adults need to like mature in and that's not just how we deal with people on the job but how we actually one word that comes in mind is we have to be diligent diligent so for instance if my job is to take uh you know like 10 boxes from that corner and bring them over to that corner being a good worker is making sure when I bring those boxes that have glasses in them none of the glasses are broken because I wanted be diligent and honor who own the owner of those boxes and honor the thing they ask me to do and do it with Excellence that's one of the things we got to be better at is man how are we as employees on the workplace cuz if you different you going to work different MH and also being different in friendships like we don't just tell our friends we want to what they want to hear we don't we're that's one of the questions that's where we going to end but friendships to friendships we can't just tell our friends what they want to hear we can't just when things get hard dismiss ourselves from friendships we go to our brother the bible really says when you have a problem with your brother you go to them you confront things you don't just let the issue create the space and you fade out when you love someone you step up to the plate and have hard conversations or if you see them messing up their own life you have those moments where you have to confront it too I know me and my besties have those moments all the time and it never gets easy but it's necessary but why are people scared to have those tough convers because they used to fluff used to if all feels great if don't feel great I don't want it blah blah it's just just dramatic and I'm I'm over it we're over it and also um you just hit the nail on the head about relationship so I'm going to bring we have time for one question and uh one of you guys one of our young adults sent in a relationship question on the topic of being built different pastors we have five minutes on the clock so this is going to have to be kind of a speed round yeah what is courtship and how is it different than dating this is a speed round we could have a whole podcast on this yeah we can but just real quick we want to answer if if you ask this question you take it we want to answer this so courtship and dating how is it different how are we different you go ahead so to me courtship is like the get to know before relationship in my op cuz the talking phase call the talking phase but see what happens is we skip past like kind of the courtship and we go right the dating but even in the dating we're already married mhm M and it's like how can you that's real be in the place of like oh that's my wife and and it's not even sometimes we don't even say the things but we're doing and things like if you're like supposed to be in a courtship phase and you've only been talking for like a month two months you should not be at her house on a Saturday making her eggs and bacon and that's real you're talking you're talking you're talking so to me cuz sometimes we're getting into relationships and we haven't even spent time getting to know a person mhm so how do I know you're a person that I even want to like move forward with what's your stance on things cuz what happens is we skip the courtship we go right to relationship and because we in the butterfly and two months we're married then we get married and I want a divorce well you should have asked those questions the courtship what's your stance on abortion yeah hard what was your the hard question so I believe courtship is that phase and that time of getting to know before you even step into relationship to know spend time hang out go to movies hang out with friends F that as Christians we literally do everything different like even we date different we Pastor J Ball yeah I think like that's why being a friend first is phenomenal like actually just like getting to see somebody in their setting with their friends like getting to know them like how they act with certain people like being somebody's friend first in my opinion is way better my wife and I were friends for like 6 months before we even started dating so I had seen her at highs I had seen her at lows like I actually got to know her and to as well when you're talking about like the emotion and the feeling that like call right right off the bat that emotion completely controls you and your decision making and everything that you're doing but the one thing about being friends first is like usually that's kind of like a little bit away like you'll have the puppy love you'll have the honeymoon faces everybody else does but like you're getting founded on being built different you're getting founded on like you're actually seeing the person for actually who they are you Sky I'm going to bring it to you though cuz I believe you built different thank you I would love my daughter to learn from you oh Lord but like what's your take on it how would you define it I just want a woman's perspective yeah H now courtship I'll be honest with you that's one of those words you hear and it's kind of corny to be real with you it's like it's churchy that's the better word it's church church could be I feel like I'm going to trial courtship like I got I got a date coming up but I feel like it's just doing honestly I feel like it's a fancy word for doing it the right way yeah it's the honoring God it's the honoring other it's the taking taking the necessary steps to get to know each other like I'm really kind of just echoing what you guys said the Friendship into the and this Chris and I literally talked about this yesterday it's enjoying where you are at it's not rushing into the next thing it's where we're at is we're learning each other we're enjoying each other so let's be here let's not I have always been the queen of rushing past the present to get to the Future and I know if you're a young ad lady watching you're probably like that too but no more rushing past were are let's take the place that we're at as a gift so if that's getting to know someone right now let that be the gift don't feel like it's a punishment I often times feel like a punishment but you're hitting it on the head in terms of being built different I'm not letting the pressure of social media of of cuz what will happen is we'll see all of our friends getting married yes and now soon as we meet somebody we are already at the altar yeah mentally emotionally even spiritually oh yeah the Lord to it's like relax relax just go out on a couple like hang out a little bit and that's what I'm grateful for with Christ and I we didn't we didn't even hang out one onone until after a year that first year was hanging out with group our small group and people at church but I got a chance from almost like a safe distance to get to know her know what she was about I saw her as a mother I saw her and I'm just like okay she dope but it got to a place where it's like yeah I want to date you but I knew what I was getting into but then in the dating I got to know her a little bit more got to see her family to which I was like okay now I want to marry you I can't meet you and say you know I want Mar want to marry you no like you you asking for trouble and sometimes you feel like you just know but take your time and enjoy where you're at now don't waste time when you know you just sitting in courtship when you know you need to move forward but take time enjoy it have wise counsel involved I think something that the world does is you make all your decisions on your own and when you want to be booed up you get Bo up you move in together you do all these things I just talked about this shout out to free college I'm teaching a Proverbs class and I talked about wise counsel and I talked about it honestly about relationship I was like people that want to do what they want they won't seek wise counsel but those who are actually wise and how they approach things and want to use wisdom they'll seek wise counsel but don't seek it as this go to four people hey should I date this person no you should break up M yeah should I date this person no you should break up should I date this person yeah you should stay together yeah we going to stay together now don't do that if majority of your wise counsil is saying yeah that's you should wait I don't think you dat this person and do the right thing but what happens is our desires what we want overtakes what we know we should be doing the wise biblical counsel that we have been given so just don't lean on your understanding yes you know well that was good guys we actually were on time go but that's your fault cuz you going keep us on time I will keep us on time but again just recap before we go being built different it's not just about being cool or self-helpy-ness comes out we are still actively in our built different series as FC so get to an FC campus near you are Gainesville Midtown Alpharetta be sure get out there OC OC yes shout out to our orange andette and braz they rock with us at gamesville so yes all of our campuses be sure you join us for a built different online I love our online campus we love you guys but anywh who if you enjoyed this conversation thank you for tuning in this far we're very grateful for you but share this with a friend someone who can be encouraged or impacted by this conversation but we love you all and we'll see you next time at our FC podcast bye a ((applause)) ((music playing))