Submission | Better Together | Dr. Mark Rutland

all right if you have your bibles if you'll take those and turn if you will please to the book of Ephesians Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus the fifth chapter I want to begin reading with Verse 18 in just a moment so the problem with communication is that that you can think you're transmitting a perfectly clear message but the message that's received may not be at all what what you intended and therefore it may not elicit the response you had hoped for at all every married man in the room knows exactly what I'm talking about right now Paul the Apostle here is writing um a clear message of course he was writing in Greek and we're receiving it in English so there's always a translation issue but it's more than that it is that he is talking about one thing and we have unfortunately I have to say this largely male preachers have seized on one word in the passage and given a misunderstanding and Mis misapplication of the passage and therefore have uh caused an unnecessary knee-jerk reaction largely in female listeners and that word is submission it's in the passage when you when you just say the word submission in an Evangelical church you can just feel the air crackle with electricity about a third of the people in the room are saying yeah now he's going to straighten her out and about a third of the people in the room are saying oh here it comes I knew sooner or later they'd Stick it to me and a third of the people in the room are clueless they just feel they say what what the problem is a misunderstanding of the word I have a good friend who played college basketball he was allamerican as a matter of fact at Georgia Southern played for a national championship they lost that game but they played for a national championship at the Nia level and uh he played his first two years at aback Abraham Baldwin agricultural college and the coach there assembled a really wonderful little basketball team and a couple of them could read and uh one boy who was on the team came from Brooklyn and he had never been in a church of any kind the coach decided to take them all to his church for a Revival meeting he was a Pentecostal so it took them all to the local Pentecostal church for the first night of the Revival and took the basketball team and so this boy's first experience in church is an evening at a Pentecostal Revival service in small South Georgia church so his eyes were rolled back in his head to start with when the Evangelist got up to preach he saw this whole row of basketball team well he was just excited and and he lowered the guns to deck level and loaded with grape shot and he was trying to win this basketball team finally he got so excited the Evangelist jumped off of the platform and ran out to the team the boy from Brooklyn happened to be on the end of the road right where you're sitting sir and the Evangelist leaned over to him and said are you a sinner answer me son are you a sinner and he said no sir I'm a guard so sometimes you you can think you're being perfectly clear so Paul begins to write he's writing about the secret really The Secret of Spirit-filled living but especially how to be better together in spirit filled living how to how to be spirit filled in a marriage how to be spirit filled with your children how to be spirit filled in the workplace how to be spirit filled with your parents that's that's the whole essence of the next chapter and a half which we're not going to read I'm going to read only a portion of it Ephesians 5:18 and be ye not drunk with wine wherein is excess but be filled with the spirit speaking to yourselves in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord giving thanks always for all things unto God and the father in the name of the the Lord Jesus Christ submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God here's the verse wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord every man in the room say hallelujah for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore as the church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it the problem word is the word submission if we if we think that in this context Paul is using submission to talk about being uh roll over and play dead that your your husband is the is the king he's the boss and that that's that's what that's all about then we miss the rest of the whole passage wives submit yourselves unto your husbands says unto the Lord every man says that's great the problem is the verse before it submit yourselves to each other in the fear of God I know God did not mean that so if you will just take a ballpoint pen and we'll mark out Ephesians 5 and 21 so here's what happens here's some guy just a lost as a ball in high weeds he's just a selfish swine and he goes off to Men's Conference with every all the men from free chapel and there he gets saved he gets saved he receives Christ as his Savior and Lord is he saved no this is not a trick question is he saved is there a difference between saved and walking in Sanctified Spirit-filled maturity yes he's saved he's just the same selfish Pig he was he's just a save Pig so he comes home and tells his family I got saved at the Men's Conference okay great they're all delighted thank God nobody wants Daddy to go to hell but they don't take it doesn't take two weeks for them to realize he's the same selfish Pigg he was only now on the way home from the men's Retreat somebody told him Ephesians 5 and22 wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord he says if you'd if you'd have told me that I would have been a Christian years ago all I ever wanted was what I wanted so now he comes home with a religious spirit and tells his wife and kids if you argue with me you're not arguing with me you're arguing with God so he's going to bend them backward over the Bible and get his way just as he was before the problem is he has completely misunderstood the way word submission let's suppose this is not uh Sunday morning at the great Free Chapel church but it's the first day of class at a wonderful College somewhere and I hand out I'm the professor I hand out the syllabi and I say look at the bottom it says on the last day of class submit a term paper okay on the last day of class I call for them I say submit your term papers you've prepared it researched it bibliography footnotes everything it's perfect it's in your briefcase there's only one thing you have to do to fail what is it just don't turn it in keep it in your position in your possession so therefore when I say submit your term paper take out the word submit and put in a more common English word give it to me give it to me submission means giving in fact Paul even changes the word in Ephesians 5:25 husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it so yes husbands you are the head of the family yes you are you're the head of the household ladies we're not voting on this the Bible is clear the husband is the head of the household however how did Christ become the head of the church did he Ascend to the Pinnacle of the temple and say all right down you dogs worship me or I'll melt you like Wax no he became the head of the church by ascending to the the cross therefore husbands you want to be the head of your household yes it means you get to be the most crucified person in the family I almost never get a Hallelujah from a man on that so here's how it works you got this guy clunking around his house trailer and his cowboy boots got a belt buckle the size of a dinner plate and a brain the size of an English pee and he says all right it's the opening day of dear season I haven't missed an opening day in 20 years so you can just color me gone and his wife says please don't go hunting today please two of the children have got diptheria the takeback man is coming for the car please don't go and he says I'm the head of the household submit to me listen to me brother that's not King Jesus that's King Kong the issue is not who is in Authority the issue is who is going to give the most a marriage at its best and indeed we're coming to a lot of other relationships but a marriage at its best is not a competition for control it's a race to outgive each other so I was a little bit amused when I got here I was so flattered Jensen asked me to come and speak on marriage and then I got got here and they were emphasizing dating couples I said well I'm the perfect choice since I haven't had a date with anybody except my wife in more than a half a century I wouldn't know anything about dating but I do have a couple of thoughts for those of you that are not yet married listen to Dr Mark the issue here is selfishness watch for signs of selfishness in the person you're dating how how well does he tip is he a generous Tipper is he generous with compliments is he generous with time is she generous is she gracious it's one of the things that will endure what you think when you're dating I I can remember this I know I know what you think when you're dating marriage will'll be great we'll be jumping into bed four or five times a day it's just I I will have sex with this girl so often it's going to be great let me just say something to you over the years there's a lot more stuff involved than sex sex is there I'm coming to that but there's a lot of other stuff and you got to deal with that and the longer you're married that becomes more and more so I say to the girls I was a college President twice and I said to the girls tell me about your fiance oh Dr Rutland he's so handsome curly hair ha is so wonderful I would always say visualize him bald people change lives change bodies change you guys listen to what I'm telling you it's an unreasonable expectation to marry a woman at 19 stay married to her 40 years give her five babies and expect that she won't spread out at all I was in a marriage counseling with a couple one time and the husband said to me he said the problem is she just they're they're in their 50s he says she doesn't just turn me on like she used to I looked at him his tummies hanging over his belt he's bald as I am his red nose everything and I wanted to say to him you're not exactly Tom Cruz people change every nobody gets to marry a photograph everybody marries the movie we move on in life and learning generosity the spirit of generosity to give and give and keep on giving generosity of compliments it may seem like a small thing where are the married men in the room all the married men raise your hand oh I'm going help you boys stay with me here she walks out with that dress that she just bought at the shopping mall she's modeling that dress for you she says look what I bought at the mall today she didn't want you to pour over peer over the top of sports page how much did that set me back I'm going to confiscate your credit card she's modeling that dress for you she says what do you think about this you throw that newspaper aside and jump to your feet so whoa whoa woman look at you you look like a million bucks in there dress you wear that on Wednesday night and we're going to be late to prayer meting now that's what she was to ((applause)) hear there was a woman in my church her husband came occasionally she was very dedicated she passed away and I went to the viewing uh the night before the funeral and the husband was standing by the coffin there traditionally and the coffin was draped in the an unbelievable blanket of roses I never saw anything like it the whole coffin came down to the floor I said Charlie this thing this roses I never saw anything like this did somebody give that he said I did he said you know Margaret always want she'd say give me roses buy me some Valentine cars he said I wasn't into that stuff I never did that she always wanted I know I just never did that I'm not romantic but he said I'm making it up to her now really buy her the Roses now you pull up to a street corner you pull up to a street corner on some cold winter night in Atlanta and there's a guy on the street corner selling roses in little plastic tubes and your wife says buy me a rose she doesn't want to lecture on the on alcoholism she just wants a rose so you lower the window and call it come here my good man my wife would like a rose and I'm not going to buy her one I'm going to buy all you've got put them in the window put her in her arms bless them both give her an arm full of roses and get him enough Thunderbird to make it through the winter this the burst of generosity the burst of Praise I I went to preach at this preacher's house we went back to the house after the morning service and he had a little girl eight something she was all dressed up for church and I said oh honey your church your dress is so pretty and he says Dron I make a practice not to give my children carnal compliments I I I compliment them on virtues I tell them how Brave they are how good or how kind I don't give them carnal compliments and I'll thank you not to I said sure no problem no problem I was thinking oh thou fool I have two beautiful daughters from from the time they were born I would take them on my lap and say oh baby you're the most gorgeous creature since your mother was born you have beautiful eyes your hair is gorgeous you have soft skin you know why because I knew that someday some 16-year-old boy is going to be saying the same stuff and I wanted her to be so edified inside that she would say to him no no no my dad's been telling me that for 15 years I don't owe you anything praising each other pouring out praise my wife I'm on the road all the time and I'm taking off flying to some God forsaken foreign country Michigan or something and my wife of 57 years by the way she'll put her little hands on my face and she says Mark after all these years you're still the handsomest sexiest man I've ever seen look look up here I live in the real world but I don't want her to say you're okay for somebody that's really old that's not a compliment give and give generously and it has to do with more than that it's all of life has to do with churchmanship look don't make church about measuring things I don't know who counts the offering here but you ever get these checks they say $314 2017 what's up with that I'll tell you what's up with that they take their paycheck in a calculator and multiply times 0.1 and they write it out to the penny here's 17 cents not 18 cents God you don't get one more 17 come on round it up occasionally double it just give give generously give joyfully it has to do with it has to do with worship and worship look I am not a an effusive person I don't I'm a straight out 100 Proof tongues talking Pentecostal but I have a lifetime of methodism jammed down in this and jumping and running and that kind it doesn't the day you see me running in church Revival has busted loose it just doesn't come naturally to me you know but but that doesn't keep me from raising my hands every man in the place your wife wants to see you with your hands raised she doesn't know what you're thinking you can be saying oh God I want you to know how stupid I feel she she can't read your mind or you could just be saying Lord I'm praising you but my wife's looking at me and this is going to pay off later ((applause)) on I get so riddled with Envy for for Jensen I don't think he realizes he's such a humble sweet man I don't think he realizes how the rest of us resent him he can preach bill this great church we say well okay he can preach he's a great church leader and everything but he can't sing he sings and say okay well he can preach he can sing he's not a musician plays the saxophone like Boots Randolph said well okay you only got one instrument J said well no he say really my better instrument is the drums and you say oh God you may not be gifted in in that you may not be effusive but give worship give generously give God your best give joy in worship go on and stretch a little bit in worship it's true with our kids true with our families I came around the corner of a building where I the University where I was in the midwest there was a boy standing there holding four or five books and I said hey you handsome how you doing and he dropped them I said well son did I scare you he said Mr President you kind of did he said I'm I'm 22 nobody has ever called me handsome well where are his grandparents where's his mother where's look we don't we don't have to be we can be generous with our kids we can be gracious when we first came home from Africa our little boy who's now a wonderful pastor and a great preacher but he wanted to be an American he wanted to do an American thing he joined the Little League oh God what a demonic experience I don't mean the little boys they're cute as they can be I'm talking about that dad's some big old fat slob up in his stands yelling at his own son in public keep your eye on the ball stupid I just wanted to climb up there and say keep your eye on this sport so we get in the car one day after the game Travis is downcast I said oh son you were great today he said dad I struck out four times I said they all struck out little league is just a race between third base in the back stop nobody can catch her hit but I said you struck out the best all those other little brats that throw their bat and kick their dirt and everything you hand your bat to the next kid put your helmet on the I said oh I was so proud I just wanted to stand up and tell everybody that's my little boy whooped at it right there we talked about it all the way home we got in his mother had soup there and everything she said well how was the game Travis He said said I struck out four times we can edify we can build up our words words are important and to be generous with praise generous with love now let's talk about this what about the issue of sex and you say well we're g to talk about this on Sunday morning I'm old and I ain't running for nothing in Georgia so look guys generous with your affection means that you have to understand she Longs for affection from you that doesn't necessarily lead to the payoff of sex no no sister don't don't yell amen let me work let me let me do the work let me and when I say that to men they just stare at me incomprehensibly because men see everything everything in life a trip to the hardware store ought to eventually lead to the payoff of sex but that's not true necessarily in a woman she wants you to be able there are times when she's honest to God got a headache she's not just saying that but she wants you to be able to hold her in your arms and kiss her and talk sweet to her until she goes to sleep and not be sulky and mad about it now ladies let me talk to you there are also times when your husband needs you needs you I in ways you can't comprehend I I'm like I'm like Rick or Ricardo I cannot explain it to you I I can only say there are times when he needs you okay you've got a headache I'm sorry the whole world has a headache pop a couple of aspirin and get in there the issue is at the bottom line is generosity who cares more about the others needs who is being being generous there are times sir when she needs not just once she needs you to take the time to go online do the research rent a BNB buy some flowers take her away she needs the long slow preparation she needs that she needs you to take the initiative arrange for a arrange for a a a somebody to keep the kids rent the B&B go off for a weekend she need it's not it's not just a frivolous thing it is in her her selfhood she needs you to do that you understand what I'm saying take the time to to do all that there are times when she needs it listen to me your wife can fly but she takes a long Runway Now ladies for you somebody needs to tell Christian wives this there are also times when the long long slow romantic work isn't going to work life is real there are kids downstairs are we communicating you're getting ready for Sunday night church and he steps and you're in that walk-in closet with that black slip on there is nothing wrong or evil or carnal or Wicked about a quickie ((applause)) the issue is not actually sex the issue is actually giving the issue is actually being more concerned for the others needs than for your own the issue is about giving I I believe that God calls us to a life of graciousness a life of generosity of going Beyond giving more than is asked giving giving beyond the the limitations of it everybody wants the rules everybody wants the rules you can't learn submission with the rules Americans Lust For books like that what the 10 steps the Four Keys the 18 solutions to becoming a perfect husband father mother wife Pastor you can't learn the rule It won't always work so here's this couple they have a terrible argument over breakfast and he leaves to go to work he's a what something an auto mechanic and she's left Home Alone by the time he gets to the end of the driveway he's forgotten the argument listen to me ladies this is God's Little joke on women men do not have the capacity to retain arguments it's it's not he's not lying to you he forgets it women on the other hand can retain Arguments for like decades and she's rehearsing that argument all day do you ever see a really angry woman vacuum a carpet it looks like Japanese bayonet practice take the dishes out of the dishwasher angry looks like a frisbee war that guy she's chewing on that all day he has a horrible day at work horrible day he does everything wrong and he just comes home and drives up in the driveway and he says a man's home is his castle my wife the lover of my life is in there waiting for me supper tenderness love he has no idea does he he opens the door he's got his hair in his eyes sweats things under his blue shirt grease under his elbows and he says I'm home give me a kiss and she's thinking not on your best day but she says you want a kiss I'm going to give you a kiss and here's why I've been to every marriage seminar in 19 States and if there's one thing I've learned it's wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord so you want a kiss I'm going to give you a kiss because I want you to know who the Christian in this marriage is so she Stomps across the kitchen floor there in the name of Jesus don't you know that riches him because that's that's what happens when you reduce submission to rules on the other hand he comes home opens the door give me a kiss and she looks at him and she that argument hanging in the air between him and she looks at him and says look at him big old dumb thing he he didn't even know I'm mad she lets that argument melt she says he's sad his hand is bleeding he had a bad day at work he wishes to God his mother was here and she's not so I'll have to do she says you want a kiss big boy you want a kiss and she races across the kitchen floor grabs him by both ears and bends him backward over the dining room table and Rings his Chimes now she's submitted now she submitted I've got a word for you about marriage how do we think about marriage going into it and through lives change bodies change history changes events change everything everything don't think about this minute think about that minute down the way think about that endgame if this person is selfish with you now are they going to be generous with you when you've had a stroke is this the is this the woman that can stand with you when you've had a stroke and you can't talk or feed yourself is this is the man who's going to be with you in the last days of your life when we do these weddings they're not legalistic questions will the party of the first part party of the second part will you agree to this clause and this sub clause in this appendix we say for richer for poorer in sickness in health for better for worse in other words that language is a way of saying no matter what are you in this no matter what what if he does something incredibly stupid which by the way ladies is extremely likely I just so women the problem with women is they keep thinking they're married to an adult now you got to get that out of your mind it will help you you I'm helping you ladies men don't grow up they just get big what a man really wants out of life is to push a toy truck around in a muddy backyard until he's exhausted he wants somebody to take him in the house give him a bath put him in his jammies giv him soup and sandwich and take him to bed anything more sophisticated than that for you guys listen to me you are marrying somebody's Prin your responsibility is to convince her that being a queen is better than being a princess and you got to build that repertoire you got to build that reality for her you got to create that on and on and on until at the end of everything the no matter whatness of marriage no matter what when when you have to change his diapers when you have to carry her in your arms and put her in her wheelchair that's when you find out whether or not you just learned the rules of submission or whether you give as God gave for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son ev Everything he had so that we might be the bride of Christ well let's pray all over the house if you will Heavenly Father I thank you for these precious people who've gathered here in their numbers seeking your word God I know some of them are hurting some wounded some struggling some at the peak of their marriage and Ministry I thank you for that now with your heads bowed and your eyes closed if you'd say Dr Mark will you please pray for me I want that Spirit of generosity I want a giving heart I want that in all of life I don't know how I became so stingy and penny pinching I I don't know how that happened I want that giving submitted Spirit if that's you then you lift your hand up all over the room and I want to pray for you sure sure sure good so many heavenly father I I pray that you will bestow the gift of giving the spirit of generosity in the power of the Holy Ghost to be giving sharing yielded surrendered more and more and more than ever before now with your heads bowed and your eyes closed take your hand down others I want to speak to the married couples here if you're together I want you to join hands if your spouse is not with you then you can raise your hand if you would say Dr Mar please pray for our marriage that this Spirit of submission this Spirit of giving joyful giving would fill our marriage right to the very end right to the end no matter what if that's you then you lift your hand or lift your join joined hands together and I want to pray for you sure sure Heavenly Father you see these precious couples I pray for them I pray for their marriages their homes their families bless them oh Lord with the spirit of Grace Lord we cannot make marriage work on our own but your word is clear it's not by might nor by power but by my spirit say the Lord of hosts pour that Spirit upon these even now in the beautiful powerful Sweet Holy Name Jesus amen amen and amen I hope as you leave today you'll stop and buy 100 copies each God bless you all God bless Free Chapel here's your pastor can we tell Dr Rutland how much we appreciate that powerful powerful message stand to your feet raise your right hand and receive this blessing may the Lord bless you and keep you may the Lord make his face shine on you may the Lord be gracious unto you may he lift up his countenance upon you and may he give you peace and blessing for Generations God bless you thank you so much wasn't that Dynamic that was UN be believable let's live it let's not just be hearers let's live it God bless you next Sunday the series continues don't miss it we've got the best in the world coming don't miss it God bless you go by and get Dr rutland's book and buy an extra one for friends or parents or someone that you know God bless you ((music playing)) well what an incredible message by Dr Rutland generosity in our relationships extending Grace and I want to just remind you to get the free chapel app go ahead and download that at your app store on your phone because there will be devotions based on today's message this week that's going to help you walk out these principles that we learned today yes indeed yes indeed please go ahead and do that and be blessed theer of the week like Pastor James said and we just want to encourage those of you that received Jesus as Lord and savior of your life today go ahead and text the word yes to that number 510510 to get connected so we can guide you and help you with what your next steps could be and also if you need prayer for anything our team is standing by throughout the week not just today but Monday through to Sunday we have a team of intercessors an alter team that stand in prayer for you so text the word prayer to the number 510510 absolutely and we are in week two of for today so like Pastor said Chris Hodges will be with us next week I'm really looking forward to that and then in two weeks we have at the movies which is absolutely incredible an online family we want to spread the word you've got some time but you have to sign up for an account at free chapel.org mov to be able to be a part of at themov online those willon be on Facebook or YouTube but you got two weeks again so Pastor will be preaching uh doing an incredible movie there uh for at the movies and so I'm excited about that super excited for that one and we want to take a moment to just say thank you to every single one of you that continues to partner with us in Ministry um you know every time we give a call for giving you know whether it's tithes or offerings and you show up we get to impact people you know for example the California wildfires that just happened we were able to bless the people on there as you've seen from the videos that we've played um in the last services and also just the weekly events that we have you know departmental events that we have here at Free Chapel whether it's the young adults the youths um you know Outreach that we have local and Global as well so we want to thank you for your partnership in Ministry and God bless you for that absolutely well hey enjoy the Super Bowl tonight enjoy the rest of your afternoon follow free chapel on social media during the week and we will see you next week God bless you ((music playing)) ((music playing)) ((music playing)) ((music playing)) ((music playing)) I