5 Ways To Handle Jealousy // Night School Part. 3 // The Blueprint with Dr. Dharius Daniels

What's up? Welcome to the blueprint, a third way Bible study. I want you to know there are three ways you can live your life. Culture's way, church's way, and the king's way. The king's way is third way. Culture's way, that's the way of the world. Church's way, that's the way of religion.

The king's way, that's the way of the rabbi. Jesus wants to do more than get you to heaven. He wants to teach you how to live on earth. He's not just my redeemer that saves and rescues me. He is my rabbi that reforms me. The majority of the content in this book isn't content that just teaches you how to die.

It teaches you how to live. [laughter] And if you live right, you'll never have to worry about dying wrong. >> I wish I had some help. Yes, sir. >> In this church. And so if you're here for the first time, grateful to have you. My name is Darius Daniels.

And if you are a regular here at Blueprint Bible Study, we're so incredibly excited to have you with us as well, man. And hey, here at the Blueprint, here it is. We are committed to I am committed as a leader. And uh this is kind of my life's calling, too.

Like part of your purpose is not just what you're called to do, it's the way you're called to do it. The way is just as important as the what, right? So, a person can have a teaching can can part of their purpose can be teaching truth. Well, um, if part of what they're called to do is teach truth, that's what they do.

Some people are called to do a different way. Some people may do it the way that I'm doing it now. Some people may do it platform. Some people may do it one-on-one. Some people may do it through writing. Some people may do it through podcasting. Right? Because you're not just called to do a thing.

You're called to do a thing a certain way. And part of my calling is to uh diversify delivery systems for teaching God's word. And so that that that shows up in my coaching business which is a kingdom enterprise. It's ministry that's marketplace ministry. In my coaching communities like Daniel's den and uncommon calling collective and PCA which is prof uh premier certification academy.

We teach people skills of coaching and skills of speaking and skills of leadership and know entrepreneurship. All those sorts of things. It shows up in me writing books. It shows up into me preaching. It shows up into me um doing what I'm doing right now, teaching. And so there multiple delivery systems.

And the blueprint has multiple delivery systems. And sometimes I got a studio audience. And sometimes I'm live by myself. And then other times I got the co-pilot with me. And so we got the co-pilot with us today, Dr. Marcus Dudley from the great metropolitan city of Coffeeville, Mississippi by way of Jackson, Mississippi, Milsaps College, BA in political science, all the way up to Raleigh Durham. >> Yes, sir. >> To Duke Divinity School, Masters of Divinity, all the way. >> Yes, Lord. >> To United Theological Seminary.

Right. They used to call United the factory. That's what they that that was the name, the factory, particularly when it came to producing impactful urban leaders where he got his doctor of ministry, but he's on the blueprint tonight. >> Yes, sir. >> And uh we're co-eing this lesson. >> Yes, Lord. >> On night school.

Come on, [laughter] >> Dr. Dudley. Glad to have you with us tonight, man. >> Good to be with you, pastor. Man, and can I take just I just want to thank you, man. I was thinking about this today. I think often times people, you know, appreciate your gift, what you do, >> but they don't do a good job appreciating who you are. >> Come on. >> And [snorts] I just want to appreciate who you are. >> Thank you. >> Not just what you do. >> Yeah. >> But who you are in the kingdom and to us.

And it's always a privilege to to share this space with you. >> I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. You know, pastor, we're going to get into this lesson. We're in a series called Night School. And um every disciple, >> every developing disciple >> must be biblically equipped. >> Yes sir. >> To handle dark times.

[laughter] >> Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes sir. >> You understand? And I think sometimes in second way in this is and when I when I when I make these distinctions second way and third way it's not like a criticism >> but it is I think objective observation. That's right. >> Like we have to be objective in our observation.

Right. >> To be naive is to be bound. >> Did you hear what I just said? >> Yeah. Already. >> Some people Some people do need to get delivered from naivity. They stay in bondage cuz they naive. >> We stay in a cycle cuz we naive. >> And Jesus Jesus actually teaches against that.

It's called discernment. >> It's what we would call fruit inspecting. Right? You got to be objective in your observation and your analysis to be like, okay, I'm not judging this thing, but that's not that's not what it look like. >> That's not that's not an apple. [laughter] >> That's a >> And I think sometimes, man, and I'm interested to hear your experience with this.

Sometimes I felt like in second way, second way churches, second way Christianity, it's almost like we don't get practices to handle dark times. >> We get platitudes. >> Wow. Wow. >> The Lord will make a way. >> Wow. >> Pray about it. >> Yes, sir. >> And um I think that's why in dark times so many people get drunk. >> And pastor, what what [laughter] >> that's so true.

Not only do we not get practices, I think we often get reprimanded, too. >> Oh, that's right. That's right. >> Like we get reprimanded for the dark season. Like there's something we've done wrong, but there's something we're doing like and we don't we don't get the practices. And that's what I love.

Like, hey, >> when you the night seasons are inevitable. We're going to experience night season. >> And and what I think what I love about this series is you're teaching us how to develop. >> Yes. Yeah. Yeah. >> We don't determine if we like you said, night seasons are inevitable.

So, we don't determine if we experience some night seasons. >> We do determine if they become night school. >> That's right. That's it. >> God wants the seasons to become school. >> But but we deter He's always the teacher. >> That's right. Yes, sir. >> We determine if we're the student. >> Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. >> I think doesn't Jesus call the Holy Spirit. You're a teacher. >> A teacher. Yeah, a counselor. Yeah, he's a counselor. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, that's what this series is about, man. And um we are we're actually exploring characters in the book of Genesis. Today, we're going to go back to Genesis 4.

Last week, we explored Genesis 4. Our focus was primarily, not exclusively, on Cain. So, I taught on Cain >> and uh what jealousy does in the dark. And my argument was that jealousy can produce some dark times, dark times or night seasons. And so we need to know how to address that because it jealousy can it's corrosive like in the dark it does something in our soul.

And I think every human needs to understand there going to be certain seasons where you're susceptible to that. >> And I think what second way does is second way confuses denial with deliverance. >> Second way thinks you can outgrow humanity. You can outgrow the influence of the flesh.

You can't outgrow humanity. That's right. >> And so you know what I'm saying? And so it's like some people's getting so deep. I'm never jealous. Okay. Oh yeah. >> All right. Well, maybe maybe you're not. But there are people who are subject can who can be tempted with it.

There are degrees, there are levels. It doesn't mean that they hate people, but it means that sometimes you feel something in your heart and God and that's God's mirror to you to let you know you got to do some soul work. >> So that was last week. But this week, man, we're focusing on on something a little bit different.

And that's not just what to do when you have jealousy, when you're harboring jealousy, but what to do how how [clears throat] can we disciple you when you're dealing with dark times because someone's jealous of you. do that's good, pastor. >> All right, so let's let's kind of work through this here.

Genesis 4:es 9-10 says, "Then the Lord said to Cain, "Where's your brother Abel?" "I don't know." He replied, "Am I my brother's keeper?" The Lord said, "What have you done?" Listen, your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground. So, we want to talk to you about five ways to handle jealousy.

Five ways to handle jealousy. As I said earlier, we're in this series entitled Night School, and it's intended to disciple us on how to handle dark times. We'll always, we will all at some point or another have dark times. I'm calling those dark times, dark uh night seasons.

God wants to use the night seasons as night schools. He wants to educate us with information we didn't have before. He wants us to experience an evolution where we become something we hadn't become before. He wants to empower us, where we're able to do things we could not do before outside of that night season.

God determines how he wants to use night seasons. We determine whether or not we allow him to use those night seasons to become night school. >> And uh pastor, when there when a person is in night school, I mean night seasons, there are three ways we can handle it.

We can handle it cultures way. I want to hear your thoughts on this because culture's way is to run from the dark. >> It's escapism. >> It's escapism. Yep. >> It's escapism. Let [laughter] >> Let me do something to get my mind off of it. >> That's right. Let me >> Let me drink some.

[snorts and laughter] >> I need to take the edge off. >> Take the edge off. Let me drink some. Let me drink some. >> I think sometimes people limit escaping to escaping physically. But what escapism is about, it's not about >> physically escaping. I mean we some one could argue that um in certain circumstances well like maybe I'm physically >> challenged by something but generally speaking escapism is is about mental >> mental mental Yeah. mental emotional. >> Yeah. >> And pastor what what just came to me is like you cannot escape what needs to be eliminated. >> That's right. >> Yeah.

That's right. >> You can't escape what needs to be eliminated because after you come back from your escape cuz you got to come back. You gonna come? You gonna come down. [laughter] >> You gonna come down. >> Wait a minute. >> Gonna come down. >> Are y'all [laughter] reading what he writing? >> Are y'all Are y'all catching? >> I never I ain't never been there. >> But the the subliminal you know >> when you come down. >> When you come down. >> It's still there.

[laughter] >> If you don't deal with it. >> So we trying to >> coming down. You coming down. >> Yeah. You coming? Oh no. >> [laughter] >> You can delay, >> but you coming down. You coming down. >> You're coming down. So you So we try to escape what what what what God intends us to 100%. >> Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. >> So culture's way is to run from the dark. >> Escapism. >> Church's way is to pretend it's not dark. >> This is so good, pastor. This is so good. >> It's religious platitude. It's spiritual bypassing. It's >> it's um it's uh denial. Mhm. >> It's declarations that that are denial.

And um so what happens is church's way, cultures way leads to escapism. >> Church's way leads to resentment. >> Mhm. >> Because at some point you got to face the reality that your denial have hasn't delivered you from the reality of what you really facing. So after you get through naming, claiming, blabbing, grabbing, calling, haul it, >> dark times are still there.

They still there. And I think the danger of the church's way is if we're not careful, it'll make you think something is deficient or wrong with you. >> That's right. >> Something is deficient with your faith. You don't trust God enough because of your night season. The pastor, I was I just see what you think about this.

You you you uh explained uh divine favor in one of your sermons and you talked about how sometime there is a reductionist view when it comes to favor. That's right. >> We limit favor to possessions. >> That's right. But what if favor is not just possessions, but it's processes that God expose us to. >> That's right.

That that's exactly Yes. Favor shows up in a number of different ways. >> So favor may be the favor on your life may be God exposing you to a nice season. >> That's right. That's right. That's right. Let me tell you how Let me tell you how I know you right about it, Reverend. >> Come on.

He got the book. [snorts and clears throat] We got the red now. We got it now. >> Let me tell you how I know you right about it. >> We got it. We got the book. >> Listen to this. Huh? I'm in the book. >> Watch this, Doc. Doc. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. >> Yes, sir. >> No. No. >> You got it, Doc. >> No. I got it, Doc. >> Luke 1. >> Uh-huh. >> Verse 29. >> Mhm. >> Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.

The angel said to her, "Do not be afraid. You have found favor with God." Woo. Now, let me let me I want you to understand how disruptive >> the this announcement was to Mary. >> That's right. >> That >> she doesn't get to have her first baby with her husband.

How >> how she's about to have to explain to her fiance that she pregnant and God did it. >> How she's about to have to go to her mom and dad and tell them she pregnant and God did it. And how all the people around Nazareth are about to be talking about her, calling her, said, "This woman think we dumb. >> We dumb.

We >> this woman just think we [laughter] >> God did it." Okay. >> So, she's thinking through all of that. Like, it felt like a night season. >> But it was favor [clears throat] >> cuz sometimes favor show up in the dark. >> Come on. That's it, pastor. Is there anybody Is there anybody Is there anybody that can look back over your life >> and see favor showed up in the dark? >> It showed up in the dark. >> Yeah, >> that's right.

It was favor. >> It's favor. >> Favor. >> Yeah. >> So, church's way is to run from the dark. Uh to pretend it's not dark. The king's way is to develop in the dark. >> And and and God wants us to develop in the dark and to turn our night seasons into night school.

Um, and this we're using biblical characters in the book of Genesis as our instructors, as our examples to do that. And um, last week we explored how being an instrument or carrying jealousy in your heart can lead to dark times and dark seasons. Today we're going to explore what to do when we have dark times, night seasons, not because of someone else's jealousy, not because of our jealousy, but because of someone else's.

Here's what we're arguing with Cain and Abel. >> This is good. the past. [clears throat] >> The Bible immediately introducing us to jealousy among siblings >> shows us that if a brother can be jealous of a brother, anybody can be jealous of anybody. Come on here. >> So that's the point we need to pull from this passage. >> If Cain can be jealous of Abel, anybody can be jealous of anybody.

And when a because what we see immediately after Adam and Eve's action is we see how the sin nature >> Yeah. >> shows up in all sorts of illogical ways. >> That's right. >> Right. So Adam and Eve made decisions that destroyed their life. >> Now we see the sin nature inciting, persuading, provoking Cain to make a decision that's destroying somebody else's life.

So the the sin nature shows up in so many different ways and it's illogical. Mhm. >> And and so because it's illogical, people feel things about certain people they shouldn't. >> And people do things to certain people they shouldn't. Now, Cain shouldn't have hurt anybody, but you definitely shouldn't have hurt your brother. >> And so when people don't understand this, when people don't understand this, you try to categorize canes and you think canes are your enemies. >> That's right. >> Mhm. when some mean those that are jealous of when sometimes canes are your friends >> and sometimes canes can be family >> and God's not showing us this to make us paranoid >> right >> he's showing us this to make us prepared >> cuz to be surprised by what's possible is to be naive >> naive >> so it can come from a parent it can come from a friend it can come from I've seen it come from spouses it can come from uh um co-workers it can come from bosses If Cain can be jealous of Abel, anybody can be jealous of anybody. >> And pastor, this is what David says in Psalms 55:24.

He said, "If it was an enemy insulting me, >> that's the book. >> I can endure it." >> That's right. >> If a foe was rising against me, I could hide. But it is a man like you, myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship.

That's it. This is the person that is jealous of me. >> Yeah. shared intimate moments. Yes. Shared personal testimonies. Yes. And this is the person. >> That's it. That's it. David said, "If it would have been an enemy, >> I'd been okay. I've been okay. It would have made me feel good, but I've been okay." >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah.

No, this this is important. And again, God exposes us to this truth not to make us paranoid, >> but to make us prepared, >> not to make us discouraged, but to help us become more discerning. And Cain and Abel's story teaches us a sobering truth. You can be right with God >> and still be wronged by people. >> Because Cain didn't attack Abel because Abel was evil.

Cain attacked Abel because Abel was excellent. >> My God. >> The book of Hebrews calls Abel's sacrifice a more excellent sacrifice. >> By faith, he says, is that is in the book? >> In the book, >> Hebrews 11. >> That's it. >> By faith, >> Abel offered a more excellent sacrifice than Cain. >> By faith. >> So sometimes your excellence attracts jealousy.

Yes. >> God almighty. >> That's good, pastor. That's good. That's good. >> Yeah. Good. >> All Abel did >> was his best. >> Mhm. >> Mhm. >> And Cain gets triggered. Cain's insecurity. Cain's competitiveness. I I don't know what the driving contributing factors were for Cain that kind of exacerbated that jealousy, but all Abel did was his best. >> His best >> and his excellence attracted jealousy. of God. >> And I'm going to say something here, pastor.

There there are times when people avoid becoming their best because they're trying to avoid experiencing burdens. >> My God. God, that's good. Say that again, pastor. Say that again. >> There are times when people avoid becoming their best because they're trying to avoid experiencing burdens. Because you know, when you play big, it makes some people feel small. and you and you're [laughter] wow >> and you are incorrectly assuming responsibility for someone else's immaturity. >> And uh you can help people grow, but you can't make them want to grow.

You can't re you can't make them receive the things that they need to grow. You can't make them to commit to the things that they need to grow. And and what ends up happening is in order to appease someone else's insecurity, you end up abandoning your own assignment.

And you don't become the version of you that God's given you the potential to become. And you don't make the contribution. We don't make the contribution that God's called us to make. Because so Abel isn't able to be a won't be able. Abel won't do what Abel's able to do because of Cain. >> Because of Cain.

It's because of Cain. >> So this is an inevitable reality, right? We're going to be able. Sometimes we might be Cain in the text. Sometimes we're going to be able. So the so the question becomes how does the text help us handle canes? What are ways that the text guides us on how to handle jealousy?

And uh I I see five things in the text that we're going to share with you here. Um our our teaching ministry is biblical truth that applies to everyday life. You're not deep if you can quote it. You deep when you can live it. [laughter] >> Yes, sir. >> You're not deep when you can pray long.

You deep when you can live right when you get up. When you get done praying, >> when you get up, [laughter] >> you get off your knees. >> Yeah. The maturity is revealed. Yes, sir. >> Yeah. When you're done praying, >> cuz if we did all that praying and we're still mean >> and still impatient and still competitive and still lascivious, then we not we're not deep. >> You're living in a you know pastor, when they used to tell us baptized, you know how you said the old deacon said went down a dry devil came >> wet w [laughter] Yeah.

So it is much harder to live than to quote it. >> That's right. >> Mhm. >> All right. So, [laughter] so here's the first thing I think here's the first first area of guidance. I feel like this the text officers don't confuse hiding with humility. Abel didn't bring a lesser sacrifice to avoid Cain's reaction.

And when God accepts your offering, don't apologize for it or shrink it to appease someone else's insecurity. I think we should be aware of people's sensitivity but not controlled by people's sensitivity. You understand? >> So it means if a person is in a season where you recognize there's some insens there's some sensitivity there >> then you should be we should be judicious.

We should be wise. We should be prudent in terms of is this person's soul in a condition where I can share this without hurting them. >> Does that make sense? >> Yeah. So I think I think there is some wisdom and prudence there but but I can't go to the extent of hiding >> hiding it that hiding it and acting as if God hasn't done done something that he has done in order to appease some sensitivity um that people are experiencing.

I feel like there's a difference between being aware of what we share >> for the sake of not intentionally hurting someone >> versus hiding everything cuz you want to be humble. >> That's right. That's right. >> You know what I'm saying? It's almost like >> Yeah. I'm going to leave that alone cuz I get ready to take a turn.

But go ahead. >> Go ahead. I want to hear your turn. >> I was getting ready to take a turn. I'm turning off the main street. I don't We here for it. >> We about to go down the alley now. But let's go down the alley for me. >> There might be some people waiting in the alley for us though.

We got to fight our way out. >> Hey, we Hey, fight our way out. >> We can fight. >> Yeah. It's almost like uh you know I feel like [clears throat and cough] there is this there is such a trend of what we talk about this a lot. Reactionary theology. >> That's right.

Yeah. reactionary meaning that it's like people develop these spiritual stances or in in reaction to an extreme >> in another area. So if there's an extreme >> where uh there's like a a poverty theology, >> then there's this reaction to that >> with the prosperity >> prosperity theology. >> That's right.

And then if there's the prominence of prosperity theology, then there's this extreme reaction to that poverty theology instead of going to the Bible, which is probably going to lead you to a more balanced and nuanced position. Right. >> Right. So, it's one of those things where I feel like >> there are people who who automatically interpret you just publicly appreciating what God has done >> for you.

Yeah. >> For you. God >> as bragging, as being self-centered, as And so what happens is there are other people whose faith doesn't get stirred by your testimony because the opinions of people have us hiding things. >> And when I say things, I'm not talking about possessions, but hiding >> what God has done that brings glory to him >> and brings encouragement to other people. >> You understand what I'm saying? me and like two people can hear the same testimony >> and one person get jealous and another person get inspired. >> It's not the testimony.

It's the person. >> It's the person. >> It's the person. >> It's the person. >> It's the person. And we Let's be honest, man. It's Christian culture. You got to do a lot of hiding. >> If you're not poor, you got to act like it. You got to act like >> If you are poor, you got to act like you're rich.

It's like it's hiding. >> Yeah. And and to your point, pastor, I I love it. Um, it's living your life in a way that God can recommend you. [clears throat] >> It is saying, you know, and you said it and I love it. It was so powerful. >> I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. >> What What happens when God can use your name? >> I'm the God of Marcus. >> I'm the God of >> P.

[clears throat] >> And you and God cannot do that if you hide it. >> That's right. But it it is it it's that wisdom of living that balance on on on not hiding living your truth in other in other ways for God to inspire. >> That's right. >> What's possible in their life% 100%. >> And I love you said this.

God would never expose you to what's not possible for you. >> Principle of exposure. >> Principle of exposure. So if God exposed you to it, he's saying this is possible for you. >> Yep. If not, he is not is he supposedes is not a picture always a picture of what's going to happen for you in practice, right? >> It is a picture of what's going to happen what can happen for you in principle. >> Meaning what God did for them may not be exactly what he does for you cuz that's not his will for your life.

But the fact that he did that for them >> is an indication that he can and will do >> what he has for you. >> Yeah. And so I feel like, you know, I think I think it's so key, man, to to for for us to understand that like Abel Abel's offering was motivated by a desire to give God his best. >> He did not refrain back from giving God his best.

He did not hide his best. >> He in order to play humble. He didn't he didn't hide his best. And I think um [clears throat] if you're dealing with jealousy, you have to understand there is no amount of small you can become to make Kane feel big. >> That's right. >> You're going to sacrifice and play small and play and then you're going to look up and years will have passed and you're going to be operating with resentment with you because you didn't become all you could have become.

You didn't do all that God called you to do because you confuse being humble with hiding. >> All right. Number two. >> So number one, first way I first way to handle jealousy, don't confuse hiding with humility. Cain's immaturity is not my responsibility. Number two, don't go too far in the field.

Verse eight says, "Now Cain said to his brother Abel, let's go out in the field." While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. So while they were in the field, that's when >> Abel got attacked. >> Yes. Uhhuh. >> So second way, the text guides us on how to handle jealousy. >> Don't go too far in the field. >> That's right.

Once you start seeing signs, once you start discerning that jealousy may be present, you got to discern when to keep distance. >> Did you catch that? >> That's right. >> You got to discern when to keep distance. This isn't pride. This isn't pettiness. This is self-care. This is biblical stewardship.

Be-c because uh when we keep giving proximity, >> we keep positioning ourselves for increased persecution. That's right. So good, pastor. >> Even Jesus knew >> Mhm. >> when to put distance to get. Yeah. >> Look at this. Luke 4:28. >> It says, "All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this.

They got up. They drove him out of town and took him to the bra of the hill of which the town was built in order to throw him Jesus off the cliff. But he walked right through the crowd and went on his way." >> Went on his way. >> He didn't stay there and try to convince them not to throw him off the hill. >> Got it.

See, I think the these are little these little pockets of narratives in scripture that are so important, right? Because we see there are certain things that we actually see modeled by Jesus >> that need to be emulated by us. >> And uh even Jesus knew when to put distance >> when to put some distance for that.

And you know, and one of the things we need to understand is distance is not is not disrespect. It's discernment. >> That's right. Because one of the things the field represents in this particular text is unprotected places, isolated places, and dangerous places. >> So, so say those three again, please. >> Is unprotected places, isolated places.

Yes. >> And dangerous places. Yes. >> Which to me speaks of the necessities of boundaries. That's right. >> Because wherever there's not a boundary >> Mhm. >> that where wherever there is not a boundary is left unprotected. >> That's right. That's right. That's right. Wherever you don't put a boundary in, you're leaving that place unprotected, >> open to danger and open to isolation >> and and the lack of boundaries allows others to go too far with us >> and ourselves to go too far with others. >> That's it.

Don't go too far >> in the field. [snorts] >> But that's my friend. Don't go too far in the field. But we grew up together. Don't go too far in the field because you're going to because the text shows us when you go too far in the field, you get attacked. >> Mhm. >> Let me say this about about boundary too.

I got this in my boundaries are not walls that shut people out. They are gates who decide >> who comes in. >> Who comes in? >> That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. You see, pastor, I think um [clears throat and cough] I'm trying to even figure out how to do I think it's really important uh if a person's watching this live >> uh on my Sunday series in the future.

My next one is going to be on human like humanology. >> Humanology. Um because what I found is uh many believers are stuck in stagnant not because they're not pursuing knowledge of God. They aren't pursuing knowledge itself. >> You serve God, but you got to manage you. >> Wow. >> Wow. >> And you can't manage what you don't understand. >> But part of part of part of understanding your human knowledge is not anthropology.

I'm using the word humanology >> um is also understanding what we call in seminary circles harashiology. >> Yeah. >> Harash the Greek word for sin. The study of sin. >> And I think it's important to I think believers need to like we shouldn't be sin obsessed. We should be obsessed with the savior, >> not sin.

But we do have to be sin conscious. And I think we need a more robust understanding of it, pastor, because all sin is equally forgivable, but not but not equally consequential. >> That's a good distinction, pastor. We need to understand that. >> We have to understand that. >> Have to understand that. >> Yes.

[clears throat] Like, so God forgives, >> his grace is sufficient, right? >> So the forgiveness, the grace toward them is the same. >> But the consequences we experience are not. >> Fantastic. Yeah. And so there are some when you're in relationship with people, you have to understand that even not going too far in the field, putting a boundary isn't you judging >> a particular imperfection or or or or sinful habit or trait that they have.

I'm not judging it cuz we all have some, right? >> Yes, sir. >> But I have discerned that you carrying that one is more consequential. >> That's more dangerous. >> That's more dangerous. Yes. >> And so I got to put the boundary not because I'm better than you.

I got to put the boundary cuz that's dangerous for me. >> It's dangerous for me. >> And part of what God calls me to do is to exercise self stewardship. >> Is to exercise which we would say is selflove like not not loving yourself selfishly but loving yourself because you can't love your neighbor. >> Do you love yourself? >> Do you love yourself?

Right. So it's like I think we need to understand that. It's like well no I got some issues too and I'm not Yeah. But your issues are not going to destroy their whole life. >> Right. Right. >> You understand what I'm saying? >> Yes sir. Yeah. So it's like, okay, let's say somebody has an issue of people pleasing.

That's an issue, right? But then if somebody got an issue of gossip, you got to discern, okay, [laughter] [gasps] >> come on. You got two friends. One's a people pleaser, one's a gossiper. >> You love them both equally. >> That's right. >> God's grace is sufficient both for people pleasing and gossip. >> But which one potentially is more dangerous >> when it comes to more consequential when it comes to adversely impacting you?

It's the gossip. >> So it's like some places in the field the gossiper can't go >> because I can't. Right. >> That's right. >> Because gossiper take a good thing and talk about it in a bad way. So it's not like you got something to hide. It's just it's not that I'm hiding something.

It's just like you can't handle everything. >> And and I we talk about gift mix. I think there's some some uh issue mixes too. Some issues don't mix with you. >> Like it don't mix. >> No, it don't mix. Your business don't mix. >> It [laughter] don't mix. It don't mix.

Let's say like for me like let's say if a person has a substance abuse issue. >> That's right. >> Mhm. >> I can handle that. If you a thief, >> you got >> you got to stay at home. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> You can't. >> No, you can't. >> If I you come over to the house and I got to start locking doors and locking closets. >> You got to watch.

[laughter] [clears throat] Hey, so at my son's football games, I started noticing it's like um >> they'll have like some some some uh some guys that are injured and not playing >> or like sons of coaches, little kids, whatever, walk around. It could be like eight necklaces on. And I'm like, "Okay, this little this little boy is 12.

How's he got eight necklaces?" And my son told me that like some of the players >> don't like to leave their jewelry or whatever in the locker room cuz they'll spit it >> cuz >> Yes, sir. >> So they'll put all their jewelry [laughter] on. So a dude walking around on the sideline with like eight necklaces or whatever.

And this what some of us do when people come over to our house. [laughter] You got to put all your watches on. You got four watches on this hand. >> Four watches on this hand. Eight necklaces. All your rings. You done lock the doors. >> Got to tell them where to go >> cuz your aunt got sticky fingers. >> All your silverware gone. >> It's still a silverware. >> Silverware China.

[laughter] Get your bowls, man. Where my bowls go? Where my mixing bowls go? My auntie got Thanksgiving and I thought you told me I [laughter] get >> is how you how you steal my forks. >> Get my bowl [laughter] back. >> Hey, got to tell them don't you stay in this room.

Well, we'll bring it back. >> Right. Right. Right. [laughter] [snorts] >> Send them to the port. >> It's important. >> Yes, sir. Don't go too far in the field. Don't go too far in the field. You have to set boundaries and you have to limit access >> Yes, sir. >> to those who've demonstrated behavior.

Doesn't mean you love them less. >> But if you're going to handle jealousy the king's way, >> the text teaches us. All right, here's number three. Don't overreact to the attack. >> This is verse eight. >> Yeah. >> Now Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out to the field."

While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Cain's issue feels like it's related to your actions. >> But Cain's issue is really a reflection of other issues. >> So, you will be impacted by jealousy personally, but don't take it personal. >> Don't overreact to the attack.

The issue is really not you. You just happened to be the trigger that was in proximity to them. >> That's right. >> That ignited >> That's good. >> And unleashed that issue. You just happened to be the person upon which >> Cain [clears throat] is projecting his pain. >> And so Cain's pain now becomes your problem. >> Because people will often punish people externally for what they refuse to process. and address internally.

Yeah. >> Don't overreact to what I do and what I man >> it's not it's not your excellence. It's Kane's issue. >> Yeah. And I and and I think sometimes pastor we can sometimes the problem is us trying to rationalize the irrational >> like >> why did they do it?

There's no reason they did [clears throat] it. Mhm. >> There's no there's no And I think when it's the attack is not because there's a deficit in you, but it's because there's often dysfunction in the attacker. >> That's right. That's right. That's good. >> So, we can't we can't miss it.

We got to reframe. That's good. >> Because sometime our anointing and our assignment >> That's right. >> attacks the agitation. >> Yeah. >> Of the king. >> That's right. >> So, there's nothing wrong with that. That's right. And I think we we got to avoid we have to avoid looking down at ourselves and looking in at ourselves when we attack, but rather look up. >> And that's what >> if we don't frame it right, if we don't understand that we were not the sole cause of why we attack it, it be it makes us begin to question ourselves. >> 100%. 100%.

It it just happened to be Abel because Abel was there. >> Was there if it was anybody else >> anybody else, >> it been them. same issue. It would have been it it would have been them. >> It is if Adam was there. >> Yeah. The only way this wouldn't have been an issue is if Cain felt like he won. >> But because God accepted Abel's sacrifice >> and rejected Cain's sacrifice, no matter who it was, that person would have been the object of Cain's animosity.

And you and I have to understand that just like this is the case in the text, >> this is the case in our lives. Mhm. >> Mhm. >> The only thing that Abel could have done was lose. >> I'm thinking >> that's it. All right. Fourth thing I see here in the text.

[clears throat] It's five ways to handle jealousy biblically. Don't let loyalty blind you to reality. Let's go back to verse eight. >> That's good. Hey, it's so good. >> Verse eight is rich. Doc, >> it's rich. It's rich. >> Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let's go out in the field."

Next thing the text says is while they were in the field, >> which which it's a very it's an obvious like it's it's unstated, but the next steps is obvious. >> Cain suggested Abel agreed. The text doesn't say Abel said yes. But the text says while they were in the field, which means >> between the time that Cain suggested, Abel agreed >> because Abel is assuming this is my brother.

He probably >> is wondering why do we need to go in the field, >> right? Cuz we just left. >> We just left. >> Wow. >> Come on. We just We had to gather so we could offer. >> Mhm. We had to gather from the field so we could offer to God.

So why do we need to go back? Cain didn't give an explanation. So he probably agreed because he's loyal. >> He trusting trust in his brother. >> It's his brother. >> It's his brother. >> He loves his brother. >> Mhm. But the loyalty blinded him to the reality that his brother was harboring jealousy toward him that was going to show up in aggression >> toward him later. >> Listen [clears throat] to me.

Somebody write this down. Loyalty is a strength until it replaces discernment. Lo like and I know people I don't know if people are are I'm sure some people are but the Bible calls God's love a loyal love. >> Mhm. >> Now there's something called toxic loyalty and and that's that's that's completely different. >> But um loyalty in and of itself as long as loyalty is done biblically loyalty is like one of the highest relational virtues in the scripture.

God is loyal. Jeremiah says, he says through Jeremiah, I'm married to the backslider. >> Come on. Who is it? Was it Hosea and Gomor? >> Yep. Go. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, this whole narrative in scripture about Hosea >> being married to >> we call them street walkers back in [laughter] back.

But yeah, Hosea Hosea married to someone who was like in that lifestyle. >> And it is a picture >> of God's faithfulness to Israel, to his bride, >> saying, "I rescued you. I'm good to you. I'm loyal to you. I'm faithful to you." And then you go back out and you're engaging.

You You have polytheistic promiscuity. You're engaging with all of these other gods. >> Wow. God, >> you unfaithful to me. Mhm. >> But I go back out and get you. >> I go back and out >> and I bring you back in. >> God is loyal. >> My God, >> his love is loyal. >> So, so loyalty, we're not denying that loyalty is a virtue. >> Mhm. >> But watch this.

Loyalty should be unleashed with wisdom. >> That's right. >> Ha. That's it, pastor. That's it. >> Loyalty to the wrong person in the wrong season becomes expensive. It becomes toxic. >> Yes, Lord. >> It leads to imprisonment and persecution and pain. It doesn't lead to purpose and progression and advancement.

Don't let loyalty blind you to reality. You choose what you want to be loyal to. At least though, know >> what you're getting invited to. >> That's right. >> Cuz you may think you're being invited to the field for one reason, my God. >> But you're you're being invited to the field for another.

[clears throat] And pastor, what I hear you saying is loyalty is not the absence of wisdom. >> That's it. >> Don't say don't allow loyalty to make you miss the sign. >> That's it. That's it. >> Or rationalize uh or try to rationalize away what you see what you know is no that may that may not.

No you when you God show you a sign believe it. >> That's my Andrew says when somebody show you the believe it. Jesus said you know a tree by the fruit it bears. So this is key. >> Um because guys, do you know very often we make this is why we use the word spiritual formation more than growth. >> Yes.

Yeah. >> Got me? >> Yes. >> Because growth, we assume growth means improvement. >> We assume change means improvement. Sometimes people don't change for the better. >> Am I Is that Is that the Bible? >> That's the Bible. That is the Bible. >> Is that the Bible? >> That is the Bible. >> King Saul, first king of Israel. >> Mhm. >> Read the narrative. >> Did he change for the better or the worse? >> The worse. >> When you look at the beginning of his journey >> and the end of his journey, >> he did not get better. >> He got worse. >> He got worse. >> Got worse. >> Solomon >> got worse.

Got worse. smart, wisest man that ever lived got worse. >> Got worse when this man when Solomon writes >> Ecclesiastes. >> Mhm. >> Cynical, bitter, jaded. >> He didn't even take his own advice. >> He writes all in Proverbs about relationships and guarding your heart and staying away from the wrong uh uh people and all those sorts of things.

And God specifically gave him instruction like, "Hey, you you are undisiplined relationally. You are wise spiritually, but this one area of your life is so undisiplined. It is ungoverned. It is unsubmitted. It is not managed. And I bless you with wisdom that's given you wealth. But because you have wealth and you're undisiplined, now you have unlimited access to that which is going to kill you. >> This is why we don't believe everybody needs wealth in the same season.

Because because what it does sometimes, it'll give you unlimited access to that which will destroy you. And if you don't have the discipline, >> come on. >> My God. >> So when I say wealth, I don't just mean affluence. I mean influence cuz he had power and possessions. >> So actually it's because of his power, you know, as a king that he had access to so many concubines.

And God's like, you are so undisiplined in this area. And he knows them. He says, "Stay away from those strange women. They're going to turn your heart away from your God." And so Solomon ends up engaging in what we call synratism. I talked about that in a series I did on Sundays called Detox.

So it's synratism. So it's the blending of all of these different streams of thought and he's still thinking he's worshiping Yahweh. And so now he's got this concoction of a religion that is no longer pure. And because it's no longer pure, it's no longer powerful. So he ends up a jaded, cynical man that is confused. >> My God, >> cuz he changed for the worse. >> Why is this important?

If Saul can change for the worse, if Solomon can change for the worse, then people in our life can change for the worse. And so it means that sometimes like King Saul, people who were supporting you, David, people who gave you an opportunity, David, people who love you greatly and made you their armor bearer, David, >> Saul, that's what Saul did for David, right?

Loved him greatly, made him his armor bearer, gave David an opportunity. >> That same Saul changed for the worse. And now he becomes jealous of the person he actually put in position. So people can switch up on you because they didn't change for the better, they changed for the worse.

And you can't let loyalty to who they were to you in the beginning >> cause you to be blind to who they are right now. >> Mhm. >> Did you hear what I just said? >> My God. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Pastor. Yes, sir. >> I need tears here to put me in these.

[laughter] >> Yes. You need >> pastor. You know I said one of the ways I said it is if there is no future don't allow the present to make you hold on to the past. >> That's it. >> Cuz people don't always change for the better. >> Thank for the worse. >> They change for the worse. >> And so Saul, you know, I mentioned Saul earlier.

Saul the same way. He gave Saul, King Saul, first king of Israel, gave David an opportunity, made him made him a musician, made him an armor bearer, gave him access to the palace. So the same one that gave him opportunity in one season, Saul didn't change for the better.

He changed for the worse. And so the same one that gave him opportunity was the same one that was throwing spears at David. >> Cuz people can change. >> They can change up. >> People can change. >> They can change. >> So they may not have been jealous in one season, they can be jealous in another.

Loyalty to who they were can't blind you to who they are. >> I love [laughter] that's so good. That's so good. >> All right. Number five. Don't answer every accusation. Let your life speak. When Abel's life was taken, he couldn't explain himself to Cain. >> But the Bible says >> his life. >> His blood. >> God said the blood. >> The blood >> is that that's the text. >> Come on now.

Yep. >> The blood. >> The blood. >> The text says verse 10. What have you done? Listen. Your brother's blood cries out to me >> from the ground. >> Leviticus 17:11 says, "The life of the flesh is in the blood." So the shedding of blood is symbolic of the giving of a life.

And so this is why even the imagery of Jesus's blood, it, you know, weird some people out, but it's it's it's about life. The life of the flesh is in the blood. The loss of blood is los loss of life. >> And so so the blood crying out is a way of saying his life is speaking.

Your life will answer accusations that your lips never can. Hya. Yes. When you're constantly trying to defend yourself to Cain, it's going to drain your energy. It's going to shift your focus from obedience to optics, like what God says versus what people uh perceive. It's going to turn your integrous actions into insecurity.

So, you'll be having insecurity about doing the right thing. Like, man, did I do something wrong? What did I do? Should I not have offered the animal? Should I offered the animal when Cain wasn't around? Oh my god. I didn't know Kane, I wasn't trying to do that to you.

I was just trying to give God his best. No, no, no, no, no. A consistent life outlives a clever response. >> That's right. >> Isaiah 53 prophesies this of the Messiah. In verse 7, it says of Jesus, "He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth." >> Jesus would answer questions that are rooted in humility, not in hostility.

He would respond to people who wanted clarity, not people who wanted to fight. Mhm. >> He did not try to explain himself to people who had made a commitment to misunderstanding. >> And I'm just telling you because jealousy is illogical. You can't answer jealousy with reason. >> That's right.

No, you can't. You cannot. You cannot >> don't answer every accusation. Let your life speak. You trying to You trying to outshine me or you think you're better. This This a family thing right there. You think you're better than us? >> Yeah. Oh, man. Wow. >> Come on. >> That's the thing.

[clears throat] We all at some point are going to be able. But the Bible provides us with some guidance and a blueprint on how to handle Cain well. We're going to have those experiences, >> but those night seasons can become night school if we're willing to follow the lessons that we got here in this text on five ways of how to handle jealousy. >> Pastor, you said something powerful.

I don't know if they got that. You said how to handle Cain. Well, >> just because they are Cain don't mean They don't need to be handled well. >> I heard it. I caught it. >> How to handle Cain well. >> Don't make Cain Don't allow what Cain does to you to make you like him. >> Ah.

Wow. >> Cuz you know the saying, hurt people. >> Hurt people. That's it. M >> may that not be the case for you, man. We're going to wrap up. I'm actually going to do just a targeted prayer today. >> And uh because here's what I know, and these are things remember church's ways to pretend it's not dark. >> So church's way is to pretend like literally I could take the book of Genesis >> and I could take these same characters. >> I could take Adam and Eve.

I could take Cain and Abel. >> I could take Noah. >> I could take Abraham. >> I could take Isaac and Jacob and Joseph >> and do a whole series just on family. The Bible is rich. If some of us would get out of the clouds and put our feet back on the earth, you would see that this is the blueprint to God's best.

It doesn't just teach you how to die. It teaches you how to live. >> It teaches you how to live so that your life on earth actually brings glory to God. So that your life, our life on earth becomes the light of the world. So that we really become the salt of the earth uh uh by by our by our metamorphosis, not just our morality.

So I I feel like um I don't know. Second way I almost pretend like people aren't having can enable experiences. >> We're just limited to like co-workers or haters. >> Yes. >> No. Sometimes it's friends and family. >> Friends and family. >> Friends and family. >> Sometimes it's natural family.

Sometimes it's spiritual family >> in church. >> Church. >> Come on. Cain is actually jealous over an offering they gave to God. So this can be Cain could be natural family or Kane could be spiritual family. Here's I'm telling you I believe we got to we we got to I got to do humanology.

We got to do peopleology. We have to get delivered from naivity. Jesus said you know the truth and the truth sets you free. That Greek word there for truth is reality. God's word is what's real. >> That's right. >> This is what's real. So we waiting on Cain not to be Cain like people are going to people. >> And that's not to make you paranoid.

It's to make you prepared. >> Some of us are waiting on the day. You know what I'm saying? >> I um you know even when you think about like certain things like socially, right? Mhm. >> There going to be times where it's just like, "Okay, man. You waiting on people to >> to speak up to >> and they not >> they don't. >> They don't. >> If it's going to put prestige at risk, if it's going to put power at risk, if it's going to put money at risk, >> they not they not. >> It's just it's it's not now.

So, we can be upset by what it should be >> or we can be prepared for what it is. >> And Jesus seems to paint a really clear picture of this for his disciples. Matthew 10, when he says, "Hey, I'm going to send you out as sheep among wolves." >> That's what he says.

He's preparing them. >> You're about to have to engage with people who have an attitudinal predatory like disposition that's completely different than yours. And you don't get to be like them. >> Wow. >> They get to be a wolf. You have to stay a sheep. >> You just need to be shrewd. >> Wise as a serpent, humble as a You need to be shrewd. >> That's right. >> But you got to be a sheep. >> You gotta be a she. >> You gota be a smart sheep.

But you gota be sheep. >> Got to be. So rich. It's >> so I want to pray a very targeted prayer because for someone it may be work for someone. But for someone though with the amount of people that watch this, it's family. Like it's not even prophetic.

It's it's math. >> It's family. >> It's family. >> Natural family. For some it's spiritual family. And it hurt. Like when Cain hit Abel, it hurt. >> We know it was the shedding of blood cuz God said his blood >> cries out to me. >> So it hurt. >> It hurt. >> My God. >> And when you're the object of jealousy, it hurts. >> So I want to pray very a very targeted prayer for that.

So Father, I just thank you for the gift of your word and how it prepares us for reality. I just pray that you would give us the wisdom to navigate our experiences. I pray for those that are dealing with injuries emotionally that they're injured. Hearts are broken because they've been the object of attacks that they cannot explain.

But I pray that the Holy Spirit who is a comforter will comfort your people. I pray that you're the you as the God who heals us from all our diseases, the God that heals our broken hearts and binds up our wounds. Would you would you heal those broken hearts? >> Thank you, Father. >> And we pray that you would remove that you would evict resentment and bitterness in any other toxic emotion that inhibits us from a soul that is prospering.

And I pray that you'd even deliver us from naivity and give us discerning eyes and ears, not to make us paranoid, but to make us prudent and prepared. >> Father, would you not just heal us from the jealousy we've experienced in the past, would you give us the wisdom based on the points that we pull from your scripture today, give us wisdom on how to handle it in the future.

I commit these your people into your care in Jesus name. Amen. >> Amen. >> Well, thank y'all for being with us on tonight. Uh the Lord thirsty coming up on the screen for those of you who understand the principle and the power of giving. And this is something too, pastor, that I think um Christians got to be a little we need to be more nuanced.

I was about to say something else. We need to be more nuanced. I'll put it that way. Uh because like we can pull a lot of different metaphors from the text, >> but it was an offering. >> It was an offering, right? >> Yes. Yes. >> So, we can't we won't limit it limit the implications of it to just an offering cuz like you can offer God talent.

You can offer God time. >> But this was a >> it was an offering. >> This was an offering. >> It was an offering. >> It was an offering. And um Cain gave here's what the text says. Cain gave from among M >> Abel gave the first and best >> and one was looked on with favor and the other wasn't.

So I think we shouldn't overemphasize offering but we shouldn't minimize. >> That's right. >> Either because what we give and the way we give it seems to matter greatly to the father. >> It does. >> And um I think as we give tonight, it's important to just simply take that into consideration.

It's like, God, I love you and here's my best and I do it be I do this because just because I offer you something doesn't mean you have to accept it. >> My bad. >> Yeah. >> And um >> Cain was probably focused on what he was trying to keep.

Abel was probably super grateful for what he had. And that's [laughter] it's it's this two two two different approaches to generosity. >> And so as we give whenever you're watching this uh we give in that spirit and we keep that in mind and ways to give on the screen.

All right family, love you. We'll see you next week for part four of night school. Take care. >> ((music playing))