That One Word | Better Together | Dr. Mark Rutland

good morning everybody thank you so much for joining us here at free chapel and I just want to say how wonderful it is to be able to eat again eat whatever you want to eat don't forget about the fact that God saw your fasting last month and he is going to bless you because you sought his face and ask for his will one of the things we love to do is we come right out of the fast and we go right into our family series our marriage series our home and family and and and we also remember those of you who are single that you know that God has a great plan for you and what we're saying in this series that is all about family and marriage and God's plan for the family is it's better together and we're excited today to have one of the greatest marriage speakers that I personally have ever heard he's my favorite and so many ways I love this man he's kind he's brilliant he's very powerful and he's no stranger to Free Chapel he's going to preach to you not just out of great knowledge and wisdom but his own marriage and his own family and his own life speak for them speaks for itself I like to hear from veterans who know what they're talking about and they've lived what they have preached his name is Dr Mark Rutland would you stand to your feet and would you put your hands together with me and would you give a big cheer for the one and only Dr Mark rutell good morning good morning good morning thank you thank you thank you so much thank you please be seated thank you it's such a joy to be here thanks to you thanks to Jensen for that gracious introduction he's always so kind to me and welcomes me here and uh and I I love the the word veteran isn't that a nice word that's a euphemism for old but veteran sounds so much better just a couple of quick announcements don't forget prayer and worship night tonight at 5:00 P PM it's going to be a great night the visitation of the Lord and Pastor will be back with you next Sunday I uh always love to play the same joke on visitors I was walking I go and visit around before the service shake hands with everybody and never fails there some per person today was a lady she said I really came to hear Pastor Franklin I said ma'am I am Jensen Franklin I just had a really rough ((applause)) week if you have your bibles if you'll take those and turn to Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus the Ephesians letter chapter 5 I'm going to read Verse 18 following to the end of the chapter Ephesians 5:18 right straight through to the end of the chapter verse 33 and be not drunk with wine wherein is excessed but be filled with the spirit speaking to yourselves in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord giving thanks always for all things unto God and the father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore as the church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it with with the washing of Water by the word that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies he that loveth his wife loveth himself for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord the church for we are members of his body of his F and of his bones for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they to shall be one flesh this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband put your hands on your Bible if you will and let's pray together heavenly father with our hand hands on the word and our hearts and Minds as open as we know how to get them we ask you to do all the rest brush aside every barrier to Divine communication that we may hear from you and be changed in the mighty name Jesus the strong Son of God amen amen and amen there are those words the emotional impact of which infinite ly exceeds their mere definition given the certain context or situation they may cause a great emotional response that's not indicated by the word itself in uh in Christian circles for example I can go into onto the platform of any church anywhere I don't know what kind of church it is what denomination what the sign out front says anything and I can say one of just a few words and given the the response in the house I can pretty much tell you where I am here's one miracles signs and wonders I can just kind of tell where I am here's one that really separates the sheep from the goats the gift of tongues I can say that and Des depending on how everybody responds I can pretty much tell you what the sign out front says now here's a word that works with Christian married couples the word is submission the minute I say it the air just crackles with electricity about a third of the people in the room say to themselves yeah now he's going to straighten her out and about a third of the people in the room say oh I knew this was coming sooner or later I knew he'd Stick it to us about a third of the people in the room are clueless they just feel the energy they're saying what what it comes from Ephesians 5:22 wives submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord every man in the room say hallelujah hallelujah lady if that's your husband's favorite verse of scripture you have to understand it is delicious the problem is the context nobody wants to read Ephesians 5 and 21 submit yourselves to each other now just take a ballpoint pin and let's mark that out I know God did not mean that so so the problem with the word submission is in my opinion it has been largely hijacked mostly by male teachers who teach a very one-dimensional approach to the word submission and therefore cause an unnecessary angry knee-jerk reaction largely by female listeners so it's important that we invest ourselves in understanding what it really means so here's what goes wrongs goes off to men's retreat with the men from free chapel and he gets saved born again he is he saved it's not a trick question is he saved no it's not a trick question is he saved is he walking in Spirit-filled maturity and judgment see there's like a gap so in the way home from the men's Retreat some nink poop shows him Ephesians 5:22 wives submit yourselves under your husbands as under the Lord he says if you'd have showed me that verse I'd have been a Christian years ago he said all I ever wanted was what I wanted so he goes home and announces he's saved great everybody's happy nobody wants Daddy to be going to hell they're all delighted Daddy's saved but it doesn't take them two weeks to find out that he's the same selfish pigy was before he got saved he just a saved selfish Pig so now he acts all religious if you oppose me on this you're not opposing me you're opposing the word of God he bends his wife and kids backward over the New Testament can you see why that energizes some resentment against a male God that's on Daddy's side so it's going to be important that we go back behind that word and figure out what Paul was really talking about so let's take it out of the context of scripture and put it in a different context let's suppose this is not Sunday morning at the great Free Chapel church but that it is the first day of class in a university setting and I say to you look at the bottom of your syllabus you see that on the last day of class you must submit to me a 30-page typed term paper double spaced research done bibliography footnotes everything this is not high school I'm not mentioning it again submitted on the last day of class you work all semester you prepare a Flawless manuscript you put it in your briefcase and take it to class on the last day and the professor says I told you Judgment day was coming submit your turn paper you have it it's in your possession and it's perfect you only have to do one thing to fail the course just don't turn it in so when he says submit your term paper to me take out the two- syllable word submit and put in a one syllable word he means give it to me give it to me so if a equals B then b equals a Paul says wives give yourselves under your husbands as if you were married to Jesus Now ladies I've met some of your husbands and I know that's going to be a big bigger stretch for some of you than others indeed he says give yourselves to each other he says it is the entire secret of spirit filled living give yourselves To God In Worship give yourselves in singing s Sams in Psalms give yourselves to each other in marriage give yourselves to each other in relationship in other words the The Secret of marriage is actually the secret of spirit filled living which is giving in fact when it comes to verse 25 Paul even takes out the verb submit and inserts the word give husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it now here's the next hangup is the husband the head of the household well it says right there in Ephesians he is the husband's the head of the household we're not voting on this girls the husband's the head of the household but how does he get to be the head of the household it says he becomes the head of the household just as Jesus became the head of the church how did Jesus become the head of the church Ascend to the Pinnacle of the temple and say all right down you dogs worship me or I'll melt you like Wax no he did not Jesus did not become the head of the church by ascending to the Pinnacle of the temple he became the head of the church by ascending to the Cross yes brother you get to be the head of the household which means you have to be the most crucified person in the family men never yell Hallelujah at that I don't I don't know see as long as marriage is based on the underlying the fundamental concept of getting my way it's a it's a competition to see who's in charge once that is crucified and that crucifixion does not begin with the wife it does not begin with the kids it begins with the head of the household once that competition to get my way is crucified now I can live in the essence of Spiritual Living in terms of my marriage which is giving now the challenge is this how does it work I mean all of that is theoretical how does it work some people want it to work by law they want to just learn the rules Americans have a veritable Lust For rules go through look at Christian books the 19 steps the Four Keys the 13 Solutions we we love that stuff the problem is you can't master sacrificial Spirit-filled giving with rules take for example Financial giving is tithing a rule is tithing a rule I believe in tithing I practice tithing I preach tithing I believe in tithing but I hear people say all the time that's Old Testament That's the Law we're not under the law we're under grace I never argue with them I say you are so right absolutely we're not under the law this is Grace I just have one question for you does Grace give less than the law or more than the law it's at that point that many of them say you know I am under the law no giving is not about following the rules I see people give all the time in a way that you can tell they're following the rules I'm not saying it's bad I'm saying it takes the joy out of it I don't know who counts the offering here but you ever get those checks $436 2016 it's up with that I'll tell you what's up with that he sits down with his paycheck and a calculator later and multiplies the amount by 0.1 and writes the check here God here's your tithe and not one penny more come on round it up that's actually the way it is in marriage too you can't make spirit filled submitted marriage work by memorizing the rules so here's how it works here's a couple they have a fight over breakfast an argument he leaves for work he's um something auto mechanic he leaves for the garage and leaves her there five minutes away from the house he's totally forgotten that argument now listen to me girls I'm going to teach you something men do not have the intellectual capacity to remember an argument he's not faking he cannot remember it it's God's Little joke on women 5 minutes from the house he's forgotten the argument she remembers Arguments for like decades everything every word every syllable all day she's rehearsing that argument she thinks about the way his eyebrow went up when the corner his mouth that just made the palm of her hand tingle all day you ever see a really angry woman vacuum a carpet looks like bayonet ((applause)) practice she emptied the dishwasher it looks like frisbee golf she she' been chewing on that all day he gets finished at work he's had a horrible day everything's gone wrong his female boss yelled at him one of the customers got angry he messed up one of the projects He barked his knuckles on an engine he bleeding he's miserable he drives home pulls up in his driveway and he says a man's home is his castle the Bride of my youth is waiting for me with love and supper and comfort he throws the door open and he says baby I'm home give me a kiss she looks at him his hair in his eyes grease to his elbows sweat under his she's thinking not on your best day but Jesus says you want a kiss you want a kiss I'm going to give you a kiss and I want you to know why I have been to every marriage conference in 19 States and if there's one thing I've learned it is wives submit yourselves under your husbands as unto the Lord so I'm going to give you a kiss because I want you to know who the Christian in this family is so she Stomps across the floor and there in the name of Jesus don't you know that reaches him but there's another way there's another way she couldn't look at him and that argument hanging like an iceberg in the air between them she looks at him and she look at him big old dumb thing he's so stupid he doesn't even know I'm mad at him he's not faking he's discouraged he's had a bad day his hand is bleeding he wishes to God his mother was here she's not here so I'm going to have to be a comfort to him she says you want to kiss big boy I'll give you a kiss she lets that argument melt and her heart melts and she races across the kitchen floor grabs the old boy by both ears and bends him backward over the dining room table and Class A Rings his chimes now is she submitted now she submitted not because she obeyed the law but because of the spirit of sacrificial giving now how does it work for the husband so the husband says it's the first day of deer season you can color me gone I'm in the woods baby I haven't missed the opening day in 20 years she says Please Don't Go two of the kids have got deia ((applause)) the takeback man is coming for the car please don't leave me here with two sick kids and no automobile he says I'm the head of the household I'm going I'm going to the woods listen to me brother that's not King Jesus that's King ((applause)) Kong now I got a word for the single folks here I could see single people that's I was talking all over the room I could see I read their minds I say I'm never getting married it's I see the problem is people that have never been married they they especially the boys they think marriage is mainly about one thing and there is that one thing and it's it's great but you'd be astonished the longer you're married that there's a whole bunch of other stuff it's the other stuff and there's lots more of the other stuff than there is to just jumping into bed and and jumping into bed won't solve anything men think it solves everything they said baby we've been fighting all day let's let's make love a woman cannot get there brother you got to hear what I'm telling you no see for men they think sex fixes everything like world peace and everything no he said I tell you right now what's wrong with these Palestinians they're not getting enough sex that's what he says I'm just about ready to strap some Dynamite no it never ((applause)) no but single men single men thinks that that's what it's all about and it's there I don't want to minimize that is there God blesses it God gave it to us and Jesus is great but but there's all this other stuff you you got to be together live together talk together and if you and you single folks listen to what I'm saying if you get desperate just to be married you'll make a mistake you'll settle for anything just to be married look single sess is not a curse singleness should be honored and revered in the Christian Community we had a few lightweights that did all right single I don't know Jesus St Paul there were a few so singleness is not the worst thing that can happen to somebody ask a woman who's married to a browbeating angry mean selfish Pig ask her if singleness is the worst thing that can happen no I'm telling you you get your own single house in order you get healthy you get well you learn Spirit-filled living you walk with God and let God bring that person now how do we handle those moments where what I want and what my spouse wants are running into each other the problem is we say this this passage of scripture all the time with regard to finances and we forget it's about everything in life give and it should be given unto you give and wait for the Harvest with money we believe that and then we want to give something we want to just be say something nice to our wife and then all of a sudden we expect a 100% return on that investment we give and give and give and keep giving and keep giving and the problem is we're afraid that we'll be the only ones in the marriage giving we would say Lord what what about him what about her are they giving God will not answer you God will never answer that question he never deals with us in terms of how he's dealing with anybody else he says I'm only talking to you so you just keep giving and giving and giving and believing that God will bring will honor his promise that the that the Harvest will come marriage is actually a marriage is actually not a competition to see who gets their way it's a race to outgive one another so listen to me sister one of the things your husband wants well we know one of the things he wants but one of the other things he wants your admiration he wants your admiration you saidwell everybody wants admiration no but I'm telling you the male appetite for admiration is different when he mows the grass he comes in the house I mow the grass don't say that's good did you clean the garage no you just ruined it step out on the front porch and say oh baby look get this yard nobody most lik look at the edging on that sidewalk H you just get upstairs and get you a shower big boy that's what now that's what he wants to hear that's giving and you brother listen to Dr Mark I'm going to help you Valentine's is coming listen to what I'm teaching she walks out with that new dress that she just bought she's modeling that dress for you she doesn't want you to peer over the top of the sports page how much said that c cost I'm going confiscate your credit card she's modeling the dress for you when she walks in she said look what I bought at the mall today you jump to your feet and say whoa oh baby look at you you look like a million bucks in that dress you wear that on Wednesday night and we're going to be late to prayer meeting now that's what she wants to hear there are these times when it just it goes south and nobody can figure out how it went South and we I've been married 57 years 57 years I know your applause are for Allison those of you that have met me yeah this I've learned the Rel am I the are we the only marriage that's one day you get and you just realize the whole thing is all tangled up everybody's man and you can't even figure out how it got started nobody else here has this situation in your life that you're just driving along in the car and you realize you're both angry and you don't know why you got to be able to go back to the beginning and diffuse that situation so listen brother she you come you get up morning one Saturday morning and she's up ahead of you come down the stairs and she's sitting at the coffee table with a cup of coffee and she's got her arms crossed and patting her foot and you can see she's hry and you have no clue walked in and she says I guess you're going to play golf Saturday you're going to play golf I'm here all alone with the kids all week and you're going to play golf listen to me sister listen you fire that shot over his bow he's going to fire back a man has a mule Spirit you grab his Bridle and pull he's just going to dig his Hooves in the ground I guess you're going to play golf yes 157 holes I'm going to play every course between here and Huntsville Alabama I hope I die on the ninth green and now it's all cranked up why did you start that why not try this way way sister said baby it's Saturday you work so hard I'm so proud of you for how you work and provide for this family and you need some time off why don't you why don't you go play golf and while you're gone I'll tell you what I'm going to do I'm going to send your mom to the movies I'm going to sell the children to the gypsies I'm going to take a bubble bath and Drench myself in that perfume you like and I'm going to put on that midnight blue neglige that you like so much and I'm just going to be waiting for you whenever you come home he's still going to go I told you that you are married to a a stupid man he's going to go play golf but you will have ruined it for him on the first te he's addressing that ball and he looks over at that fat slob he's playing golf with got tobacco juice coming down the corner he he'll think about you in that neglige and he'll say I am so stupid now you brother what about you somehow or another she's angry over this you don't you don't need to figure it out you can't figure it out I guess you're going to play golf who gives you the right to fire back why don't you detox the situation she I guess you're going to play golf you say golf golf golf on a beautiful Saturday morning in April with the Mockingbirds singing in the trees and the D like diamonds on The Fairway you think I'm G to go play golf I don't want to play golf I want to sit right here with you and have a few cups of coffee and let's just talk let's talk let's talk about our children we do have children don't we have we have and after we've talked and coffee then we're going to get dressed and we're going to go have brunch at a little women's restaurant with every other customer in there is female and they have teacups I can't get my big fat finger in the and they have little tiny sandwiches with the crust cut off I can just take one I want to eat there I want to eat there and then after we eat we're going to drive around and look at new houses if God is with us there' be an open house we can go in and walk around and look at Cabinetry and and countertops big expensive houses that intimidate me and make me feel inadequate that's what I ((applause)) want and then after we look at houses you know what what we're going to do baby we are going to the shopping mall and we're going to shop till we drop and if you if you love me if you ever cared for me you will let me stand in some really public place right at the top of an escalator and hold your purse that's what I that's what I want and on the way home when we're both exhausted and tired and nearly broke I'm going to stop at some really dangerous looking convenience store the parking lot full of rugged looking muds splattered pickup trucks with NRA stickers on the bumper and inside I'm going to go in where their tough looking male customers buying beer and lotto tickets and I'm going to buy sanitary napkins now she knows there's nothing in that day for you that day is all giving that day is all for her the whole secret of marriage is in one word submission but the whole problem is we got the word wrong the word simply no sister don't cheer let me work I'm I'm trying to help you remember you you got to go home with him no the whole secret of marriage Paul says it's big than that the whole secret of relationships no he says it's bigger than that the whole secret of spirit filled living is one word giving when marriage becomes about giving the question of who's in charge simply dissolves give Paul says give to one another as you give to God God and God will give to you will you bow your heads and close your eyes all over the house I'm going to ask the married couples if you will to join hands just join hands with your spouse let me pray for you heavenly father I pray for these marriages Lord I don't know where everybody in this room is but I know you know you know those that are struggling those that are having tension those that are facing Financial challenges God I pray that you will pour your spirit in to them and that their marriage will be filled with sacrificial giving love heal the broken forgive that which is wounded restore the spirit of sacrificial love Lord I pray for the single folks here I pray that they will find peace and joy in your presence that you will be to them husband to the husbandless and father to the fatherless Lord I believe you to give them peace joy and fullness of life that only you not a not a marriage partner only you can provide I believe you for that God in Jesus name amen now there's hardly anything that speaks more to the whole nature of the giving and sacrificial nature of Christianity than Holy Communion if you'll take this little cup that you should have if you'll take that if you don't have one if you'll quickly raise your hand our ushers will make sure that you have one here's some people right down here and right there hold your hand up high you see these folks just make sure they have them want to make sure everyone has one communion is open communion you don't have to be a member of Free Chapel you don't have to be a member of any church all you have to do is take communion in the spirit of those who take communion here and that is of repentance and and for and confession now once you have it if you'll peel away the top level of cellophane and you'll find right under it this absolutely delici ious ((music playing)) wafer and we'll all take communion together are you ready everybody everybody been served all right in the night that he was betrayed listen to me not in the most perfect moment of the relationship but when he had been betrayed when he was about to be betrayed and crucified Jesus Took bread and when he had broken it he gave thanks and then he gave it to his disciples he gave it to his disciples and he said take eat this is my body now peel open the second level for the juice that's under there likewise after supper Jesus Took the cup and he gave it to his disciples and he he said drink ye all of this and every time you do it think of me remember how much I gave for you remember my giving and live giving lives take drink and rejoice your sins are ((music playing)) forgiven now in just a moment they're going to pass some buckets through that you and deposit those in so that it'll be a little tidier I think they are evidently we're not doing that but it would have been a wonderful idea actually we did it in the first service I jumped to the wrong conclusion no we we did that only for the people in the first service because they're much messier than you are and we figure you know to put yours in the trash I'm going to ask you to stand if you will look right up here and receive a closing blessing now may the love of God and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the communion and fellowship of the Holy Ghost keep your hearts and Minds in perfect peace until the day of his appearing and until then live in his sacrificial love give and it shall be given unto you God bless you God bless your family God bless Free Chapel ((applause)) what an amazing message and service with Dr Mark Rutland I said it in the first service I'll say it again now I think he's hilarious I think he's great and he is so real um and it's always a pleasure to have him in the house yeah no for sure I I love hearing him speak it's he's hilarious but his message is so powerful as well like I honestly I'm taking what he said and applying it to my own marriage and it's just truly amazing if this is your first time accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior Please text us yes to 510 510 we would love to connect with you um and also if you have any prayer requests anything at all we have an entire team dedicated to just praying over any request that you have send your prayer request to um 510 51 by saying prayer and we'll make sure that the team will you know accompany you in praying um as well yeah and if you want to support the ministry we would love to to have your support and you can do so by giving and you can do so by multiple different Avenues which will be listed and we would love for you to support yes no and and honestly whatever God puts in your heart to give um it's so amazing to see what our church really does um with the to outreach the community as well well with that so um yeah get go ahead and give whatever God places in your heart in any means that you can and honestly this service was amazing and I'm so excited for next week to hear from Pastor Jensen we are so excited for this series to continue and you do not want to miss out all of the amazing and Powerful messages that are going to be going on throughout the month of February and like faid said we have our very own Pastor Jensen sharing the message next Sunday and you want to tune in cuz you don't want to miss out see you next see you next week we'll see you next week everyone have a blessed ((music playing)) day ((music playing))