What's Really Good // Deprogram Part. 4 // The Blueprint with Dr. Dharius Daniels

Well, what's up everybody? Welcome back to the blueprint. Come on, let's clap our hands in the building. Drop some fire in the chat. We're so grateful, man, to have you with us on tonight and uh or whenever you're watching this. We believe that there are three ways you can live your life.

Culture's way, church's way, and the King's way. And the king's way is not just right, it is better. It is the blueprint to God's best for your life. And that's why we call this this Bible study the blueprint because we believe that God's word is the architectural plans that help us build and design life as God intended.

And man, we're committed to that here at the blueprint and we're glad to have you with us on today. I like to begin our time and conclude our time with prayer because I believe that the Holy Spirit is actually the teacher and the Holy Spirit utilizes the gifts of people to communicate his truth.

And although I can give clarification, hopefully I can give you some education, maybe I can give you some inspiration, only the Holy Spirit can give you revelation on how to apply the truth of this teaching to your life. And so we just kind of want to pray and lift up your request before the Lord uh on today.

So Father, we just thank you. Your word tells us in all our ways to acknowledge you and you will direct our paths and we just pray for divine direction as we pull our chairs up to your table and prepare to feast on your word. We pray that you feed us with bread from heaven.

Bread of heaven, feed me until I want no more. And Father, we lift up not just the spiritual need we have for your word, but we lift up to you today all of the needs that are represented in the chat, all of the needs that are represented in this room.

You said to call upon me and I'll answer you, and I'll show you great and mighty things you know not of. You said in your word that the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth that he might show himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is upright toward him.

You said, "Ask and it shall be given. Seek and we will find. Knock and the door shall be open." You said to come boldly before your throne of grace. And Father, we do that today. We lift up every single need and we release our faith for those that need you for guidance and those that need you for direction.

We lift up our faith for those that need you for deliverance. We lift up our faith for those that need you for healing. Lord God, heal heal broken hearts, heal broken relationships, heal sick bodies. We thank you that you are the Lord God who heals from all diseases.

Wherever there is disease, Lord, would you heal for your glory and for your name's sake? And for those issues where it is not within your wise will and counsel to alter, would you give us grace to endure, help us to sustain in things you're not going to change.

We thank you that your grace is sufficient for us. So bless our time together as we share in your word in Jesus name. Amen. Come on, drop some fire in the chat. Clap your hands in the room. ((applause)) Man, we're excited to be here tonight. I'm excited to get into God's word.

We're in a series here uh studying Romans chapter 12 called Deprogrammed. And um I want us to read a few verses beginning at verse 9. And uh we're going to get into the fourth segment of this series of teachings um today. Romans chapter 12 verse9. Hey, want to remind anybody that is in the Houston or whatever is close to Houston.

I don't know what's close to Houston, but whatever's close to Houston. I know Dallas is somewhere close to Houston, maybe 3, four hours drive. Whatever's close to Houston this Friday, two days from the day, if you're watching this on Wednesday, two days from the day, we're going to be at the Wheeler Avenue Baptist Church.

I was about to say missionary Baptist Church. Just put Missionary on it. But anyway, that's the host venue for um what is really going to be a worship experience. Uh Todd Galborth, Chandler Moore, they're going to be leading in worship. I'm going to be preaching God's word and uh you can go to the address on the screen and meet us there in Houston, Texas this Friday in Jesus name.

Romans 12:9 says, "Love must be sincere. >> Hate what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord. I don't have time, >> but that verse 11 just >> that Paul said, keep your spiritual fervor >> while serving the Lord. >> Sometimes serving God by serving God's people is the thing that take your spiritual fervor. >> But Paul said it's your responsibility >> to keep it.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction. Jesus, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need, not want. >> In need, not want, not in want. >> And practice hospitality. >> I want to talk from this subject in part four of uh deprogramming uh deprogrammed and that is a question, what's really good?

What's what's really good family? One of the greatest gifts I believe God has given the believer is the gift of curiosity. Curiosity is the key that unlocks the door to the next level in any area. Wherever you see anyone excelling, that person was p first curious because curiosity is the precursor to excellence.

It is the wound through which great things are birthed. Curiosity is the magnet that pulls us out of the maze of mediocrity and puts us on the path of God's potential for our life. God created his creation to be curious. >> As a matter of fact, the mismanagement of Eden by Adam and Eve is a consequence of mismanaged curiosity. >> [laughter] >> They had access to all the trees in the Garden of Eden. >> But they were so curious about this one tree, they mismanaged their curiosity and mismanaged curiosity got them an eviction notice that kicked them out of Eden.

And when individuals don't understand the power and the purpose of curiosity, instead of being curious about the right things, we end up curious about the wrong things. We we underestimate the impact of curiosity and confine ourselves to the constraints of what we think we already know. We can end up unconsciously ignoring the vice advice of one of my business mentors who says, "Don't let what you do know get in the way of you learning what you don't know."

You see, all throughout scripture, we have examples of individuals who displayed this godly curiosity. Curiosity is the trait of those who have an appetite for more. Here's what I want to argue. Curiosity doesn't just lead to the exploration of new things. Curiosity will also lead you to the re-examination of old things. >> Curiosity will cause you to take a fresh look at a old thing. >> So, godly curiosity at some point will lead to deprogramming. >> I'm gonna say that one more time.

Go. If curiosity is not just the exploration of new things, but the re-examination of old things, then at some point when you're re-examining an old thing, you're going to see that old thing in a new way. So, curiosity done God's way will always lead to some sort of deprogramming because your learning is going to create some unlearning. >> And I believe this is the essence of what Paul is doing here in Romans chapter 12.

So far we have explored how Paul is leading people into deprogramming from the way they see grace, from the way they see gifts. But these next few verses here in Romans 12 shows us Paul leading the saints into deprogramming in the way they see goodness. >> See there are three ways to see goodness.

There's culture's way. >> And in culture's way, goodness is whatever feels affirming, whatever gains approval, or whatever doesn't disrupt my comfort. >> Culture's goodness applauds what comforts us, avoids what convicts us, and blesses whatever aligns with our desires. >> It is goodness with no anchor, no absolutes, and no authority beyond the self.

Right. >> Then you've got goodness from church's perspective, which is rulekeeping, performance, and appearance management. >> It's goodness that is measured by your activity, by your attendance, by your outward behavior, not your inward condition. It creates people who look good but aren't becoming good. It produces a version of goodness that is performative, pride producing, and people pleasing.

It leads to checking boxes rather than a changed life. >> Yeah. >> But then there's the king's way, >> which is goodness that is defined by alignment with God's character, God's truth, and God's intentions for human flourishing. And this is what Paul is arguing in this text. I want you to notice what he says in verse 9.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil. Cling to what's good. I want you to notice something about the initial instructions in this passage. All the instructions here, this messed me up, guys. This messed me up. All the instruction here in this passage is active, not passive. >> Stay with me.

Love must be sincere. So, this is what you ought to do. You are to actively hate what's evil. And you ought to actively cling to what's good. >> So goodness from God's perspective isn't just tied to what I don't do. >> Goodness from God's perspective is tied to what I do do.

It's not just the avoidance of bad things. >> It's the performing of good things. Okay? Am I making sense here? So it's not just not doing to my enemies what my enemies did to me. >> We're going to get into that next time, right, in the next week.

Yeah. It's not. So it's like, okay, I'm being good to my enemies. That's avoidance. That's not action. >> Blessing your enemies doesn't mean not hurting them. >> That's good. >> It means doing something to help them. >> That's right. >> So [laughter] this this this is active, not passive.

This requires some deprogramming. Yeah, sure. >> If we're honest, >> many of us, myself included, had unconsciously assumed that if I don't do to you what you did to me, I'm being good. >> Let me let me Okay, maybe I'm get some help in the chat. [laughter] If if I don't say about you >> what I could say about you, >> I'm being good, >> right?

That's right. >> That's passive. It's not active. >> The instruction isn't don't do bad. >> The instruction is cling to what's good. >> Us. >> My God. >> See, we need the Holy Ghost for this. Come on. We don't need the Holy Ghost just to stop beating people up.

That's like a reductionist usage of the Holy Ghost. I need the Holy Spirit for this right here. Notice it. [laughter] Notice it's active, not passive. So, this requires some deprogramming in a few areas that I see in this text. In this first one, when I was writing this patina, it was whipping me.

Here it is in verses 9 and 10. Look at what it says again. Love must be sincere. I need the Holy Spirit, Charles. And you need the Holy Spirit. We all need the Holy Spirit to help us mean it. >> Right? >> Because it's easy easy to confuse and conflate being nice with having love. >> I know how to be nice. >> That's outward behavior. >> But having love it, that's an internal posture.

He says love must be sincere. I need the Holy Spirit. Hate what's evil. Cling to what's good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Here it is. It's point number one. We need deprogramming from the myth of conditional [clears throat] goodness. See, avoidance says or or not doing bad says, "I'm not going to do bad to anybody."

Conditional goodness says, "I'm not going to be bad to you. I'm only just going to be good to those that meet certain conditions." >> Yeah. [laughter] So, I'm not going to destroy anybody. I'm not going to do bad to anybody, but I'm only going to do good to those who meet certain conditions.

That is contractual goodness, not covenant goodness. >> Yes. >> Contracts have mutual benefit. Covenants are about agreements you make with yourself first >> that extend themselves to other people. >> So I'm going to do this because of who I have determined I'm going to be. >> Yes, sir. >> And you become the beneficiary of the agreement I made with myself. >> And before [clears throat] you and I refuse to be that to other people, I just want to remind you that's what God did to you.

Yes, >> did you hear what I just said? >> Yeah. The new covenant, God, whether it was the old covenant or the new covenant, he's in no obligation to engage in agreement with me and you cuz he gets no benefit from the agreement. [snorts] >> There is no mutual benefit >> in God's agreement with us. >> It's one-sided. >> I get all the benefit.

But Paul reminded Timothy when we are faithless he's faithful for he cannot deny who himself. >> He says I made a decision I'm going to be FAITHFUL AND BECAUSE GOD made an agreement with God that God's going to be faithful. We benefit from the agreement God made with himself.

Even the camera worker said, "Jesus, this is this is this." [laughter] Come on. >> And and and what Paul is calling us to is godliness here. >> He's saying be like God. >> You benefit from an agreement God made with himself. This is who I'm going to be. This is the God that I am.

Then we too should extend that same kind of goodness to others saying I am doing this not because of you who you are. >> I am doing this because of who I am. >> So I'm releasing my expectation for reciprocity. >> I don't I no longer expect you to be to me what I am to you. >> Yes.

Come on. >> I want reciprocity. >> I desire reciprocity. I feel like in some cases I've earned reciprocity. But I can't be entitled to reciprocity >> because the entitlement to reciprocity leads to conditional goodness. So biblical goodness, [snorts] covenant goodness, third way goodness isn't goodness that is displayed based on how people treat you.

It's displayed because God has transformed you Jesus. It means you operate from grace, not debt. Somebody say, "Help me, Jesus." Just put that. [laughter] All right. That's not the only thing I see in in the text. [laughter] Somebody like, "That's enough. I I just need to I need to process this myself."

Yeah. I think I'm gonna have to wrap this up a little early and we're gonna have to take some questions right here. We're gonna have to Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm serious. We're gonna have to It's like, okay. Yeah. We're gonna have to take some questions with this chat.

This is This is interesting. All right. Second thing I see here is not just deprogramming from the myth of conditional goodness. Second thing I see in verses 11 and 12 is deprogramming from the myth of comfortable goodness. verses 11 and 12. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor serving the Lord.

Okay, I have I'm confused about that. But then he says, "Be joyful in hope." Wait a minute. Now, here's what the Bible means when the Bible uses the word hope. That's this is important, okay? Because just because We interpret certain terms in certain ways in our current time in human history.

That doesn't mean that's the way those terms were viewed and seen when scripture was written. So hope biblically is not optimism. That's not what hope is. Hope biblically is expectation. >> Yes. >> Yes. >> Does that make sense? Uh uh Moman says faith and hope are companions. >> They're not the same, but they always ride in a car with each other. >> He says, "Faith believes that the promises of God are true.

Hope anxiously awaits the performance of the promise in my life." All right. >> Faith believes that the promises of God are true. Hope is expecting the performance of the promise in my life. So this is why Molman also says that hopelessness is premature anticipation of the nonfulfillment of the promises of God.

He says whenever you see hopelessness, somebody has prematurely anticipated that God's not going to do what he said. So Paul says, "Be joyful when you hoping, not when you have it." [laughter] >> I don't have it. But Paul said, "Even when you when you don't possess it, be joyful when you expect."

I'm like, "Wait a minute." So good. >> It's one thing, >> Miriam, to praise God once you get through the Red Sea. >> Wow. >> That's something in the Exodus narrative people often miss, TZ. Once they got to the other side, Miriam and some sisters had a praise break, >> right?

Come on. So, so, so that's that's being that's being that's being joyful after God >> has performed a promise. >> That praise break means something different >> if you're able to do it before the Red Sea part. >> That's being joyful in hope. >> He hadn't parted it yet, >> but I'm expecting him to part.

And I got joy for what I hadn't even possessed yet. Now I see why Moman says faith and hope are companions. >> Cuz faith, the writer of Hebrews says, >> come on here. >> Come on here, church. >> Is the substance >> of things what? >> Hope for. >> So I'm hoping for it, >> but I don't have it. >> But faith is substance. >> You miss it?

I'm hoping for something. I don't have what I'm hoping for. I can't hold what I'm hoping for. I can't touch what I'm hoping for. But faith is substance. >> It's the substance >> of things hoped for. >> I don't have it. But faith is my substance. LIKE I GOT IT in my hand. >> One one commentator says, "If if the promise is property, faith isn't the property, but it's the title deed." >> Come on here.

Am I making sense? Me and my wife do some real estate stuff and I got I own property in states I've never seen. >> I like I've never I've never I've never seen the complex. I've never seen right. I I got joint ventures ventures with property. I've never seen.

But you know what I've got? >> I got evidence. >> I got some paper [laughter] that says this belongs to me. >> And what faith is? Faith is the paper. faith. I hadn't seen the property yet, but it's the evidence. >> It's the evidence. It's it's it's it's the substance >> of what I'm hoping for.

It's the evidence >> of what I hadn't seen. >> So when people say, "I got faith." I'm like, "Are are you here yet?" >> Joyful in hope. Wait a minute. Patient in affliction. [laughter] >> Wait a minute. >> Now let me tell you what Paul means when he uses the word patience. >> Paul actually describes in Galatians patience as fruit of the spirit. >> Am I right? >> Am I right?

Okay. So this means that two people can use the same word patience and not mean the same thing by it. >> Because if Paul says patience is the fruit of the spirit, he must be talking about something that is different and distinct than the patience anybody can have when they're having a season where they got to wait.

So literally the word Paul uses when he says patience is a word that doesn't speak to just if you wait. >> It also speaks to how you wait. Yeah. Yeah. >> I don't want to mispronounce the the Greek word here, but um it is a management of your emotions. >> In a way that arrest >> impulsiveness. >> Did you hear what I just said?

Cuz there are some seasons where you don't have a choice but to wait, >> right? Yeah. So in those seasons, being patient isn't just waiting because you don't have a choice. >> It's how you wait. >> It's whether or not you're able to arrest your emotions in a way [snorts] that you you and I don't act in a way that dishonors God. >> My God. >> See, I'm going to see how honest we are today.

Maybe I'm going to start maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe we're going to be honest here in the chat. Here it is. I know what it means cuz I've had experiences. Let me put it this way. I've had experiences where I've waited with an attitude. >> TZ, are you going to help me to Are you You leave me out here by myself.

Yeah. I I've waited with I've waited upset, >> waited agitated, waited disgruntled. God, what's up? >> What we doing? [laughter] >> And I'm not the only one. Yeah. >> If you read the book of Psalms, >> you'll see a man after God's own heart >> asking questions like, "How long? >> How long? >> How long?" >> But the text says, "Patient." >> Yeah. >> In affliction. >> Jesus. >> Yeah. >> When I'm being afflicted, and he uses the word affliction, Desan, he doesn't use the word inconvenience.

It's okay. It's a little It's easier to be patient when I'm just being inconvenienced. >> But when I'm dealing with affliction, >> Paul says, "Be patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Now, this is this is going to require some honesty, saints. This is going to require some godly genuiness here.

It's going to require some honesty. And this is I I I talk about this. This is one of the reasons I run personal development programs like Daniel's doing. And I know everybody in church doesn't want that. It's fine. But I run these programs because you can compartmentalize areas of your life, but you can't compartmentalize life.

So the compartmentalizing of life itself is a myth. It's it's just not possible. Um, you can deny it, but it doesn't mean one area of your life is not impacting another. Period. And so no matter how successful you are in one life, you still un in one area of your life, you're still underoptimized if you're deficient in another area of your life.

Period. So matter how much money you make, you could be making more. Maybe if you got relationships together. >> Am I making sense? All right. So here here is what compartment here's the danger of a theology of compartmentalization. It causes you to operate under the myth that one area of your life doesn't affect another.

When the truth is how you're doing spiritually bleeds over into how you're doing emotionally, >> period. >> I would argue that a lot of the fruit of the spirit is actually an emotional state. >> Joy, peace. >> But here's something else you got to think about. How you are emotionally will bleed over into how you are spiritually. >> Y'all honest enough to to amen that sometimes, let's just be honest, when you discouraged is when you need to pray the most. >> Come on. >> But sometimes is when is when we want to pray the least.

Yes. >> So Paul says, "Be faithful [laughter] in prayer, >> consistent in prayer." He told Timothy, "Preach in and out of season." I think he would say to us, "Pray in and out of season." Because the only way you can never be lacking in zeal and keep your spiritual fervor while serving the Lord, the only way you can be joyful in hope, patient in afflict affliction is if you're faithful in prayer. >> You [laughter] see what I did?

He said it's the only way you you have to commit to the process. You have to commit to the process. And this process is prayer. All right. I got one more if y'all got room for it. >> Okay. So, we need deprogramming from the myth of conditional goodness.

That's verses 9 and 10. We need deprogramming from the myth of comfortable goodness. That's verses 11 and 12. And we look at verse 13. We need deprogramming from the myth of cautious goodness. Holy Ghost was doing a number on me with this one too, Johnny. Listen to what he says.

Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. He's deprogramming us from cautious goodness. The idea that goodness means Oh my goodness. Excuse me. Cautious. The unwillingness to practice goodness because it requires vulnerability. Being good makes you vulnerable. >> It makes you vulnerable to being exploited.

It makes you vulnerable to being used. It makes you vulnerable to being underappreciated. It makes you vulnerable. And when people in the past have not been good stewards of your goodness, it makes you it should make us wiser and more strategic, but it can end up making us more cautious. >> Wow. does.

So now people got to prove they not bad. [laughter] >> Am I making sense? Yeah. Yeah. It's like up off rip, you got to prove to me you're not like them. >> Yes. >> Am I making sense? Yes. >> So when you've been good and that goodness and that generosity has not been properly stewarded or appreciated, what can ultimately end up happening is you can become less generous instead of being more strategic in your generosity. >> Don't become less generous, become more wise. >> So Paul says, "No, no, no, no, no. share with the Lord's people who are in need.

Now, cautious goodness has a twofold implication here. It speaks to the reality of those who've been wounded in the past and as a result of that are becoming selfish, selfish and stingy with their goodness. But it also speaks to, watch this, watch what he says. Share with those that are in need.

This is also a subliminal pyic against giving birth out of people pleasing. Share with those in need. >> That's right. >> Now, let me tell you why I feel comfortable drawing this conclusion. Because you got to interpret Paul using Paul. >> So, I'm interpreting what he said in this place through the lens of what he said in another place.

When he's writing to believers in Galatia, he's addressing a very similar issue when it comes to helping people. And this is what he says. He says, this is King James version, "Bear ye one another's burdens." >> Is that what he says? >> But then he says underneath that, "But let each one carry his own load." >> Okay, >> Paul, how do how do I do both of those? >> Bear you one another's burdens, but let each one carry his own load.

So, he's making a distinction there, right? Okay. The word burdens that he uses there is a word that refers to almost like burdens like a boulder, >> like a rock that somebody can't move by themselves. >> When he says load, the word in the Greek there refers more to a backpack. >> He said help them with their boulders. >> Yes, >> they should be able to handle their own backpack.

So I'm interpreting Paul using Paul he's saying hey all right share with those that are in need >> boulders but when you're people pleasing >> which is a form of idolatry >> did he well Paul said it not me he said if I please people I be not the servant of Christ.

Yes. >> Yes. See, this is why I'm I'm I'm convinced of this and I I say it from time to time. Sometimes one of the sometimes one of the strategies of the enemy to allow something to fester is to influence us to sanitize what we call it. So if you just say people pleasing an issue because because you see it that way, you fight it that way. >> It's just an issue. >> But when you really call it what God calls it, idolatry, you fight it differently. >> There's a different degree of urgency to fix it based off what you call it. >> So he wants to call it a issue.

But Paul says, if I am pleasing people, I'd be not a servant of Christ. >> It's just like God and money. It's like you got to serve one of these. >> You can't serve both. >> And so sometimes what ends up happening is the people pleasing causes people to interrupt God's law of sewing and reaping.

And when people should be learning how to carry their own backpack, they never experience the consequences that they need to experience because we keep rescuing them from lessons God needs them to learn. If God used some suffering to sanctify you, just because you don't like it for people you love doesn't mean they don't need it. >> Okay, this So Paul says, "All right, we got to have some deprogramming from the myth of conditional goodness."

I'm done, TZ. The deprogramming from the myth of comfortable goodness and deprogramming from the myth of cautious goodness. Some people are cautious because they're hurt and some people are cautious because they don't want to hurt others and they confuse not pleasing people with hurting them. So I think the Holy Spirit is asking us the question today, a question for us to reflect on.

What's really good Does your goodness have conditions attached to it? Does your goodness have comfort attached to it? Does your goodness have cautiousness attached to it? Now, but I wish I I wish I don't have time, but I wish I had time cuz I I would I would I would I would really want you to see how this ends.

But we're going to talk about it next week. But I'm going just read you what we're going to talk about next week because hopefully that makes you feel better about what we talked about this week, right? Because here's what he says. If you will do this, if we will do what he says in verses 9 through13, watch what he says in verse 14.

Bless those who persecute you. Bless, do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Don't be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low uh position. Don't be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right as far as it's possible and depends on you.

Live at peace with anyone. Don't take revenge. Live room for God's wrath. On the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, oh, we're going to deal with this next time. You will heap >> burning coals on his head.

Do not be overcome by evil, >> but overcome evil with good. >> In the words of Ryan Leap, we don't match the energy. >> We set the standard. >> May God help us to do what's really good. >> I'm going to pray some of y'all out, but we're going to we we definitely going to we're going to we need some questions answered on this one.

So, if you can stick around after this prayer, you probably need to because we got some questions. I'm sure we got some questions. But I want to pray uh because I know God's word never returns to him void. And I'm believing that the Holy Spirit is going to help so many of us step into another level of spiritual maturity um by being individuals that display God's goodness.

So, Father, I just thank you for your word today. Thank you for the way in which it has challenged us. Thank you that your word is our our lamp, our light. It helps us see things we didn't see before in ways we didn't see them before. Would you just, I pray, give us the wisdom and the stamina and the strength um to put into practice those things that you've shared with us tonight.

Um I lift up your people to you now, asking this all in Jesus name. Amen. Well, man, thank you for being here with us on tonight. If you can stick around for just a second, do that. We're going to take some questions, but for those of you who understand the principle and put into practice the principle of sewing and reaping, we want to create some space for you to do that.

Ways to give are on the screen. And in this Advent season where we celebrate how much God has given to us, we want to give more unashamedly to God. as God has prospered us, we say in this season, God, where you did more for us, as an expression of gratitude and appreciation, we're going to do more for you.

So, thank you in advance for sewing back into the field that you're harvesting from and supporting all that God is doing here in and through this ministry. And also, many of you heard me mention something earlier about this community that we have that we started about four years ago.

And uh it's a community called Daniel's Den. And it's anecdotal. I know my last name is Daniel's, but it's based on a character in the Old Testament named Daniel. And one of the things that we recognized about four years ago is that the faith-based community needed a tribe that aligned with their values that would help them develop personally and professionally.

And uh that's what Daniel's Den is all about. It's a it's a community uh it's a closed community, meaning I open up membership to it once a year typically. now sometimes twice, but um it is open I think for a couple of more days. We'll be closing it in on December the 14th.

And uh man, we want to protect we want to we always say we want to protect the vibe of that tribe. Um, our mission is very simple in the den is, um, we want to help faith-based high achievers experience quantum leaps that take them from overwhelmed and underoptimized to overflowing in peace, in purpose, in productivity, and in profit.

If that sounds like something that you are interested in, ways to find out about the DNA on the screen. Uh, grateful for you. Uh, for those of you that are signing off, God bless you. We'll see you next week. For those of you that sticking around, um we got a few questions we're going to try to answer to go deeper into God's word today.

All right, clap your hands, family, if uh if the Holy Spirit was Holy Spiriting [clears throat] in our time together today. All right, any uh any questions? All right. >> Me, too. Me and you both. of this cautious goodness. So I feel like I find myself um being cautious with people because of how I've seen them treat others. >> Jesus. >> So now it's like I'm not because I don't want you to do that to me.

Even though you didn't do anything to me, I've seen how you treated others. Yes. >> So now I'm cautious. >> And then it's like I'm labeled now as a standoffish kind of person. Mhm. >> But that's not how I am. I'm just like that with you. >> Yeah. >> So, it's like, how do you [laughter] do manage that? >> Yeah, that's a great question.

And I think and even when I guys, I'm Baptist. I grew up Baptist, so I just do alliteration. And so, I just I can't get out [clears throat] of that framework, Desan. And so, when I was trying to come up with a C word, it was like cautious was the closest word I came to because I don't think cautiousness in and of itself is a bad thing.

It just depends on where the cautiousness comes from. >> Yeah. >> Is this coming from wisdom or am I cautious because of this is this becoming of coming from wisdom that I got from wounds >> or am I cautious because I'm still wounded? >> And so I knew the the word it in and of itself can like trip people up because I think cautiousness can be a healthy thing. >> I think it could be, you know, an expression of discernment.

So, but here here's what I mean to to hopefully bring some clarity to what you what you're addressing. I think everything you just said is appropriate. If you're discerning, if you're discerning fruit from a tree that you feel like God has not uniquely assigned you to connect with or be generous to, I think that's fine.

I think it's different when there is a need or a calling for you to be uniquely close to or make a contribution to that person and you are unwilling or hesitant to do so because you believe obedience is going to make you vulnerable for that to happen to you.

Now, let me tell you where I get that from. Do you guys know why in the book of Jonah he didn't want to go to Nineveh? >> Nineveh was a city. It was the capital of Assyria. They killed Israelites. >> They took their lives like decapitation and putting heads on display.

And so they had a history of doing that. Jonah like I don't want them to repent. See this is why we got to BE HONEST. HE A PROPHET. THIS man is A PROPHET. LIKE GOD TALKED to him. He's likem not them. I prophesy to anybody. I don't want He gets mad when they repent. >> Yeah. >> Right.

So, should you be cautious when you're dealing with the Assyrians in his day? Yes. >> But when you've got an assignment, >> that's good. >> To contribute to them and that cautious cautiousness now puts you in a position where you're not obedient to what God's instructing you to do, that's when it becomes problematic >> because you got to what you have to believe.

What you have to believe now is that if I am obedient to what God has assigned me to do to you, then God becomes responsible for my well-being, not you. >> So Jonah's upset and scared and he goes in there and prophesy and he walked right back. So he under the tree mad that they repent and it's like you don't even see the miracle.

You alive. >> Wow. He protected you from the people you didn't want to repent. >> Am I making sense? >> Yeah. That's a great question though. Great question. Great question. Anybody else? Come on here, Alicia. Okay. So, you talked about you talked about people pleasing. So [laughter] when you're coming out of the people pleasing, how do you steward the people that you were pleasing as they are learning that you're no longer going to be pleasing? >> Oh, that's a good question.

When you're coming out of people pleasing, how do you steward? How do you handle people who've been accustomed to to one version of you? >> Okay, this is really important because I believe it's only when you stop dysfunctional behavior that you get a revelation >> of a person's love for the real you.

Wow. >> If you no longer want to deal with be in relationship with me because I've stopped something that's self-destructive, that says to me, "This isn't a relationship that is worth me fighting for." >> So, I'mma grieve what I thought we were. >> That's good. >> It doesn't Does that make sense?

It It doesn't mean I don't have feelings and love. It just means I thought >> you had a connection with an affection for love for commitment to me and what was in my best interest. But when I stopped doing what was self-destructive and now you no longer want to engage with me in the same way, that's a revelation that this one isn't worth fighting for. >> Yeah. >> So what I'm going to do is I'mma grieve the relationship I thought I had with you. >> That's good.

But I'm going to hold my standard that if I got to destroy me to be with you, you're not assigned to me. >> See, I know we heard the term term trauma bonding. >> We need to explore, Teddy, this concept of dysfunctional bonding. >> The bonds you form when you in dysfunction. >> Come on now.

So, I want you to think about like some of your high school friends or college friends or something like that. It was like y'all was super close when you was >> doing your thing. You was outside. Y'all was close. Now it's like I'm inside >> and when we get together the only memories we got >> is outside memories. >> That's good. >> Am I making sense?

So you find yourself you talk you talk about the good old days. It's like all we doing is resurrecting stuff I need to keep in the grave. [laughter] >> So it was bonding >> that took place when you in a season of dysfunction. >> Yes. Yes. And as you grow out of that dysfunction and into health, what begins to happen is is it exposes >> the nature of that relationship.

And it doesn't mean that like the God people, they're not bad. They they bad people and God doesn't love them. It just means that the version of you that bonded with them is an inferior version of you. It's a version that no longer exists. >> Jacob was cool with them, not Israel. >> Make sense?

All right. Is that it? Anybody got one anymore? If not, I'm Okay, we'll wrap up with this one. >> Um, so whenever you do have like a servant's heart, how do you identify whether you're serving from a godly place or serving as as unto the Lord versus crossing over into people pleasing when the objective is to make sure whenever you are serving is to make sure that people are pleased? >> It's a great question.

I I think I think one of the things I want to do a reframe here like when it comes to so let's just say like preaching like let's take something like preaching preaching is serving people right >> but let's say I'm preaching for um at another church I want to I want to please God that's first and foremost but I also would like for the pastor that invited me >> to be pleased with the contribution ution I made. >> That's right.

That's right. >> Got me. So I I think I think as a human I'm okay I know as a human I'm okay admitting that. >> The question is what's primary >> and what's secondary? >> Okay. >> It's is pleasing the pastor driving the creation of my sermon. >> Is pleasing the pastor dictating and determining what I preach?

Is pleasing the pastor dictating and determining the way I deliver it? is pleasing the pastor dictating and determining how I feel about what I've done when I'm done. >> If that is the issue, now I I can say, "Hey, you're serving from a place of pleasing people, >> not unto the Lord."

So, you're using the Lord to please people. >> Wow. >> Lord, use me so I can please them. >> Wow. >> Wow. Wow. >> That's good. versus saying what is primary for me is Lord what do you want me to say what is the best way to say it and I hope as I do this people are pleased with it >> yes >> that's good >> so it's a tension there is no like does that make sense I think when a person if I'm serving to the I'm serving in a way that it is um I'm going beyond what is reasonable and what what people actually need to get a need met a need met versus like tap dance into things that are like excessive and things of that particular nature and it's hindering my soul is damaging me physically then I think that can be an expression of like people pleasing but I think this myth and notion I stand toes down on this right is you know I know some Pharisees like it's the Lord and it's only the Lord okay Okay, that's what you say to your wife.

Uhoh. >> Right. You should be pleasing God for Right. Come on. Right. [laughter] Right. You You taking her on the date. It's only the Lord. No, bro. She want steak. >> And you gave her steak cuz she wants steak. >> What are we talking about here? It's what the Lord want.

She wanted steak. That's why you gave her steak. It's the order. >> It's the order. So I think that is a um I remember like the for me the hardest place for me to preach is my pastor's church. So he'd be like he'd be asking me to do stuff every year.

I be like it's too much stress. [laughter] I just want to go to the conference. I don't want to I don't want to speak. It's too much stress. He's like what do you mean? You speak everywhere but I want to I'm going to please God, >> but you speaking of my soul.

My respect my regard for you is so high. This is this is too much on my nerves. If that drives, if that pushes me into performative, >> that's good. >> Does that make sense? Like I think some of that feeling is just reverence. >> It's appreciation. It's respect. >> The challenge is how do I submit that to Lord?

What do you want me to do? >> How do you want me to do it? And and I believe that if I'm obeying you, then the one that invited me is going to be pleased or satisfied with. >> And if they aren't, I can live with striking out >> if I was trying to please you. >> I can't live with striking out with you cuz I was trying to please them. >> Yeah, that's my two cents.

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