Winning The Wrong Way // Night School Part. 6 // The Blueprint with Dr. Dharius Daniels

Well, what's up everybody? Welcome to the blueprint, a third way Bible study. Three ways you can live your life. Cultures way, that's the way of the world, church's way, that's the way of religion, or the king's way, which is the way of the rabbi. Jesus is more than just a redeemer that can get you to heaven.

He's a rabbi that wants to teach you how to live on earth. My God, be salt of the earth, light of the world. And we are incredibly excited. I'm going to say this because I've heard people make um statements about this and everybody has a right to make their own statement, but Jesus now Jesus, watch this.

Jesus Jesus is the way to life as God intended >> here on earth. >> Yeah. I've heard I've heard people make uh statements um critiques of the term best life >> saying you know the best life is in heaven which I get. I don't argue with that. But um earth doesn't have to be trash until you get there. >> Yeah.

There is this theological tension between the already and the not yet. Right. The kingdom has come and is coming. The Holy Spirit is the earnest of your inheritance. It's the down payment. It's a little bit of heaven in your heart >> before you get to uh a place called heaven.

And so, yes, we believe that your best life is your next life. But this this life is a life where we don't have to meander through this life like it's a maze of mediocrity. Jesus's yoke, his set of teachings, is a set of teachings that leads us to the best life possible in the here and now until we get to the buy and buy.

Now, if somebody wants theirs to be trash on the way to the buy and buy, have at it. But as for me in my house, come on. That's it, pastor. >> I am receiving Jesus's invitation for my soul to be at rest. >> Yeah. the best do the best I can in the season I'm in with the resources I got available and man this this blueprint Bible study is intended to do just that.

I've got um I do this there are multiple delivery systems for this Bible study. Sometimes it's direct to camera. It's just me and the camera. Sometimes it's me and a small crowd, a group of people. Sometimes it's us taking a sermon that hasn't been made public yet that I've taught in our New Jersey campuses or another campus and we release that to you.

Sometimes it's conversational learning with Dr. Butley and I. What we what I love about this particular crowd, at least some of them, others are just going to have to adjust. But some of but but what I love about this community is what matters to them is the message. >> That's right. >> And whatever delivery system God chooses to use, we want to we want to receive that.

And so I got the co-pilot with me today, Dr. Dudley, man. And we're in this series studying biblical characters from the book of Genesis. Because when we say Bible study, it's not just for us not just the Bible itself. It is we study books of the Bible. We study themes from the Bible or we study characters in the Bible.

And um we are in a series of teaching called Night School. And Doc, I'mma um I'mma get right into the word. Man, if y'all excited to be here, drop some fire in the chat everywhere. And uh if you if they're part of our our 180 location, man, I mean 180 night at any of our locations, we're glad to have you with us as well.

Doc, I just I I just in a good way. I just went off a little bit on this best life thing. >> That has nothing to do with what we're talking about. >> Feel it, pastor. I want it too, pastor. >> Yeah. Yeah. I want some of the best on this side of 100%.

Oh, this side of >> Yeah. It's amazing how some individuals can spiritualize stagnation. >> And if you prefer that, you have the right to. >> Even God allows you to have free will. And we respect your choice. >> The issue is when you spiritualize stagnation >> and then your spiritualization of stagnation creates in you a sense of superior, spiritual superiority.

So now you a person feels like they're better than because they want less. Um, >> oh wow. >> And this is like it's like, okay, if if that's you, that's fine, but I'm not going to live my life with somebody else's brain, and I'm not going to live my life according to someone else's convictions.

And uh the scriptures seem to be very clear that Jesus offers an invitation. >> Mhm. >> Watch this. We did a whole series, was it last year? Yeah. Year before last on the book of Hebrews. >> Yes. >> We were there like what, six, seven months. >> Yes.

Yeah. Better. >> Better. >> Better. Somebody put better in the chat. >> Jesus comes to give us better. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. Now, his definition, I mean, the way Jesus would describe better is probably going to be different than the way the world would describe better. But the book of Hebrews uses that word.

We're not running from We're not running from that word. Yeah. Better. >> Better. >> Better. >> Pastor, what do you want it for your mind? Better. >> Better. >> What do you want for your your parenting? Better. >> What do you want for your marriage? Better. >> Better.

What do you want for your leadership? Better. What do you want for your businesses? Better. What do you want for your spiritual life? Better. >> Faith to faith. Glory to glory. >> That's it. Yes, sir. >> Yeah. So, anyway anyway, man, I'm I'm excited about our time together today.

So, we're in this series called Night School and um uh I want to we're going to talk from this subject tonight. Winning the wrong way. Winning the wrong way. So, we're in this series called Night School. And this series is intended to disciple us on how to handle the dark. >> We'll all have dark times. >> Yes. >> And we call those dark times dark, we're calling those dark times night seasons, right?

Everybody will have night season. >> Okay. And there are three ways you can handle them, right? So, whenever something is inevitable, whenever something is inevitable, we have to be intentional in the way that we manage it. some stuff when I can't avoid it, I've got to learn how to manage it.

Got me? And uh the gospel the gospel is the go like the the narrative the life of Jesus from which the life death resurrection ascension of Jesus from which we get the word gospel shows us man that the spiritual life or spiritual success is not just always tied to avoidance.

It's tied to overcoming. >> Overcoming >> some stuff we don't avoid. We got to overcome. >> We got to overcome. And I think one uh uh one quote says it this way pastor. It says that life is 10% what happens to you >> and 90% how you respond. >> So it's not only about responding but it is the right response.

There are certain things I can't control >> but what I can control we got to control it. >> That's it. >> I can't control what happens to me. Everything that happens to me. That's right. >> But I can control how I respond and react. Come on. >> And so what you're saying is like nice seasons are inevitable, but I got to choose how to rightly respond. >> Come on. >> When God sends a nice seasons my way, >> and what I'm trying to do is not flunk out of night school. >> Wait a minute. >> I'm I'm just trying not to flunk out of night school. >> Wait a minute. >> Somebody put in the chat, I need to pass. >> Yeah, I need to pass.

Don't flunk. Don't flunk now. Don't flunk. Don't flunk. >> We got to get to this word, but I just thought I got to tell y'all one story. >> Uhoh. Uhoh. Uhoh. I get nervous when I have to go to tell the story. Y'all, was it French? You were taking what?

You already know where I'm going. Was it French? >> Oh, yes. I don't know why I took that class. >> So, if I major, we both were polyai majors in college. We went to college together. If this is your first time watching, we went to college together and whatever.

So um so for our major for polyai at our school you had to you had to be fluent in a foreign language because some people would go into foreign politics and things of that particular nature. So you you had to be fluent in a in a foreign language.

So I this is weird. I was I took all that Spanish and know none right now. But anyway, so I went Spanish. >> Most people went Spanish because it was easier >> and because of significant Latin I mean Spanish speaking population all over the world. So most people went Spanish.

This guy from Cofferville, Mississippi. >> Romantic. I was going to be romantic. I was Hey, listen. I was going to pull up, put that French on. >> We hadn't even got started yet. This man took French and we like, "Why are you taking French?" And it was hard, right? >> It was hard.

Listen, I took three semesters of French and cried my way doing the whole Listen, >> what you So, you went up to the Tell them what you did to the professor. You went up to the professor >> and I went to crying, man. I had missing my mama sick.

I'm working two jobs. >> I'm at your mercy. I was in the flow crying, man. >> This man mama was fine. >> Mama, I'm sorry. Mama, I'm sorry. Mama, I'm sorry. Mama stayed sick when I was in that fridge class. Mama stayed sick. Grandma stayed sick. >> She asked me one time, "Have I been in Grandma's jail?

Hey, >> this man, >> we had a there's this building on campus we called the AC, right? Academic complex, whatever the AC stood for. So, it's kind of like a place where we like hang out and stand or whatever. >> This man come out of class one day.

We had the AC. We just hanging out, his eyes all red like, man, what happened? I just had to had to put it on. >> I was I was in that drama class, man. I put it together. I came out there. She would hug me and everything. Marcus, take a couple weeks off.

Man, I came out of >> Hey, you took the week off. >> I took them, too. I took >> Oh my god. Hey, >> just put somebody say, "I got to put somebody put in the chat, I got to pass." >> I got to pass. >> Yeah. See, you a case study.

What we getting ready to talk about tonight? Winning the wrong way. >> Winning. Hey, I came out passing. >> You came out. >> I got what I need. >> I got I got a pass. We don't want to Here's our point. We don't want to flunk out of night school. >> No, please don't.

We don't want to flunk out of night school because it's it's three ways you can handle night seasons. >> Culture's way, which is to run from the dark. >> Church's way, which is to pretend it's not dark. >> And the king's way, which is to develop in the dark. >> God wants to turn night seasons >> into night school so that we learn things that we haven't learned before, become the kind of people we haven't become before, and do what we haven't done before.

And we're using individuals in the book of Genesis. We're using their examples as our instructors on how to handle night seasons so that they become night school. So for some people, we're looking at what they have done that we need to emulate. That's prescriptive. That's right. And then for other people, we're looking at things that they haven't done or or that they did do that we don't need to emulate.

It's just descriptive of what they did. We shouldn't do it. Cain killed Abel. That's descriptive. That's not prescriptive. Bible describing what he did, not prescribing what you and I should do. >> All right. And today we're going to explore two individuals, Jacob and Esau, >> because they teach us that when you win the wrong way, you win short term, but you lose long term. >> Wow. >> They teach us that some night seasons are the result of winning the wrong way. >> Oh, that's good. >> When you win wrong, you don't win long. >> That's good. >> Yeah.

We studied Noah earlier who talked we talked a little bit about the stress that comes with success. And so Noah's narrative kind of deals with this idea of what happens after you win. >> Jacob and Esau's narrative kind of speak to the uh the idea of the activity you engage in when you're trying to win. >> That's >> and and that's what we mean when we say winning >> the wrong way. >> The wrong way. >> The wrong way.

And there's there's this narrative in Genesis that an that is an example of what I'm trying to articulate. We're going to read I'm going to read a pretty sub substantial segment of scripture here is this is in Genesis 25 verse 27. It says the boys grew up uh didn't we talk about Abraham and Isaac was that last week? >> Yes.

Yes. >> Yes. >> So was Abraham >> in Jer. >> In Jerah that's right trapped by triggers. >> That's right. >> So Isaac has two boys as well >> Jacob and Esau. >> Okay. And so verse 27. So these are these are Abraham's grandsons. So these are Isaac's sons.

The Bible says verse 27, "The boys grew up and Esau became a skillful hunter. A man of the open country while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. Isaac who had a taste for wild game loved Esau. But Rebecca loved Jacob." Now let's pause here.

We >> There's some tension in the text, pastor. >> Yes, sir. >> Already some tension. >> Yes, sir. >> It's already tension in the text. The father loved one and the mother loved the other. It's already some >> we can't run past that. >> Can't run past it >> because upon first glance, the reader would assume, of course, they love each other.

Of course, he loved his son. >> The writer showing us something very different here. There's a reason the writer says Isaac loved Esau, but Rebecca loved Jacob. It is speaking very specifically, guys. very clearly to the to a disproportionate expression of love >> is what we would call favoritism. >> Wow. >> It is it is it is blatantly here. >> It is blatantly seen here in this text and we're about to see as the narrative unfolds.

We're about to see this at play. >> So, let's just pause for a second here because we're we're going to get to >> to I want y'all to stay with us. We're going to get to winning the wrong way. But this is too rich for us to think.

I think for us just to I think it's almost >> exoggetically and pastorally irresponsible just to breathe breeze breathe breeze past this. >> I see a generational pattern here that we need to talk about >> because Isaac's father also had two sons. >> Mhm. >> Right. >> That's right. >> Did he have more than two? >> He had more than two. >> But I'm talking about the two the two the two most prominent. >> Yeah.

Yeah. >> Isaac and Ishmael. >> Ishmael. And when I say prominent, the two most popular in Christian context and the two that get get the most attention in scripture. Okay? Because he had more even he had multiple wives as well, right? Couture. Was that one of >> So here's the point though. >> Mhm. >> What you see with Isaac and Ishmael is favoritism. >> It's favoritism. >> It is.

It is right. >> Isaac is favored. >> He's favorite. He's a favorite son. >> So what does he do when he parents? shows favoritism. It is a pattern. >> A generational pattern. >> Yes. >> A dysfunctional generational family pattern existing in a family of faith. >> Wow. >> We I don't even have time to deal with >> That's good.

No family of >> faith. 100%. Christian home doesn't mean Christian family. >> It just means a home with Christians in it. Aya. But that doesn't mean people have been informed on what God's blueprint is. The third way for actually parenting, the third way for managing a marriage. Like I tell people all the time, you can be Christian and live a moral life, but that doesn't mean you're living a Christian life unless you've been discipled into what the Bible has to actually say about that segment of your life.

Which is why Leonardu argues that spiritual formation properly understood is life formation. life formation >> that many people want to be deep. They actually drowning in they drowning in information that never gets the application because when you're actually discipled, it is not how deep you've studied a subject in the Bible. >> It is how comprehensively the Bible is shaping the way you lead every other area of your life.

So someone may say their parents say, "Pastor, I just prayed for seven hours." I love that. I think that's important. You move heaven and earth. But when you get up off your knees, do you know what the Bible says about not provoking children to wrath? >> Come on. >> That's right, pastor. >> Yes.

Come on. If if I'm a spouse, do I know what it means? Uh so, so what? Last weekend was Valentine Day. Do I know what it means to render to the wife due affection? >> That's in the book. I'm not affectionate in the book. >> Render. Give the wife. >> It's in the book. >> Do affection.

What is the affection? That's due her. >> What's that? That's that depends on her. >> Mhm. >> You understand? Depends on her. >> It depends on her. >> Yeah. So, a person can be living morally >> as a husband. That doesn't mean they're living biblically as a husband.

Morally, you're not cheating. >> Bib cheating, beaten, right? Biblically, the question is, are you leading her as Christ led the church? Are you honoring her as the weaker vessel? Are you rendering unto her due affection? If that's not happening, we're moral. Watch this. But not Christian. And and and so what happens is when families don't recognize this, >> they just focus on the moral part.

They don't on the right part. They don't focus on being well. So like generational patterns like this show up. And in fact, because I'm getting ready to show you another one of deception. >> It's a generational pattern. And pastor, I I think often time we render um salvation as the the the the the ceiling rather than the floor. >> Gosh. >> So salvation is just a first step in a lifelong journey.

Yes. >> Salvation is not the goal. It's sanctification. >> Yes. >> And too many times we feel like faith ought to exempt us from dysfunction. >> Yes. or just because we in church or just because we have faith it it it means we don't have to deal with dysfunction >> and I think and sometime I think just because we have faith I believe we feel as though dysfunction uh magically or automatically disappears >> yes sir >> I'm a faith that dysfunctional away no you got to do something about that dysfunction you got to face it you got to address it you got to put practices in place >> and that's faith >> and that's that that's an extension of faith >> faith without works >> is dead. >> Yes, sir. >> That's the book. >> Yeah, >> that's the book. >> So, you see this pattern here and and and I think it's important because like these little small foxes, these nuances, these character idiosyncrasies >> show up in multiple ways, right?

So, cuz what we're about to see in a second, I don't want to get ahead of myself, is uh what Rebecca's favoritism leads her to do. >> Like, she actually enables the she enables some dysfunction. Uh um but but here's what it says. Rebecca loved Jacob. So verse 29, once Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country famish.

He said to Jacob, "Quick, let me have some of that red stew. I'm famished." This is why it's called Edom. Jacob replied, "First, sell me your birthight." Look, Esau said, "I'm about to die. What good is the birthright to me?" >> But Jacob said, "Swear to me first."

So he swore oath to him, selling his birthight to Jacob. >> Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, then got up and left. So Esau despised his own birthight. Th this is loaded. >> Loaded. >> This passage is loaded. >> Loaded. >> Okay. >> Loaded. >> Now, up on first glance, doc, >> what we could see, what what someone would say >> is both Okay.

Up on first glance, >> someone could argue that both of them got what they wanted. >> Yes. Yes. Yes. Got me. >> First glance, yes. >> Up on first glance, >> both of them got what they wanted. >> You could argue both of them got what they wanted.

Mhm. Jacob wanted the birthright, >> right? >> Which is that which is because they were twins, but Esau >> was born first >> was born first, which makes him the elder brother, >> right? Which entitles him to be bequeeved kind of a unique part of the family inheritance, >> including I think the seat of the patriarch, right? >> Yep. double portion leadership of the family, judicial authority of the household, responsibility for family protection and uh spiritual headship. >> So all of this was uh the birthight of the firstborn. >> Of the firstborn. >> Yes sir. >> Esau run the list now and again. >> It was uh double portion of inheritance.

Everything the father had. >> You got a double >> double portion of you got a Yeah. double port. So you got double that which any other member of the family got. >> Correct. Right. Leadership of the family, >> judicial authority over the household, responsibility for family protection, and spiritual headship. >> Okay.

So, Esau >> Mhm. >> gave all that up. >> Mhm. >> For some chicken noodle soup. >> Chicken noodle soup. >> Chicken noodle soup. I don't hear anybody talking to me in this church. >> Chicken noodle soup. And pastor, one of the things when we look at this this birthright, what probably made it easy for Esau to give it up? >> Mhm. >> Because this was a privilege, but it was also responsibility. >> And maybe him saying, listen, maybe when it say he despised his birthight, >> it was saying, hey, it sounds good.

Mhm. >> But I don't want this responsibility. >> It's it's it's some responsibility that comes with this. >> We're blessing. Yes. >> With inheritance. >> Yeah. With that which has been beque >> at least temporarily, >> Esau got what he want. >> He didn't value what he didn't value what was coming. >> So he got what he wanted. >> You got me. >> I got you. >> Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're about to talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. >> He didn't he didn't he didn't properly value what was coming. >> Wow. Wow. Wow. >> Yes. >> So he and Jacob got what he wanted which was birthright. >> Birthright. >> Okay. So technically it seems like at first for a second >> Mhm. >> they both won. >> But I'm about to show you they both lost. >> They both lost. >> Both lost. both lost >> because they were trying to win >> the wrong way. >> The wrong way. >> Pastor, what do you think about this?

One of the things when I when I thought about this too, I thought about how what Esau represents in this moment is what happens when you mismanage hunger and misalign appetite. >> We not ready for that conversation. >> All right. Okay. >> We not ready for that conversation. >> Okay.

All right. >> He was hungry. >> He was hungry. >> The problem when he was hungry >> Yes. The problem was he misman >> mismanaged his appetite. >> He mismanaged his appetite >> 100%. >> Mismanag his appetite. >> Is that so much? Because there are all sorts of appetites, right?

There's physical appetites. There's relational appetites. There there are financial appetites. There are professional appetites. And okay, sometimes an appetite is an appetite. It is how you are managing the appetite. >> Are you managing are you are we managing the appetite? Are we allowing the appetite to manage us?

Because when the appetite is managing us, it's guiding and governing our behavior. And so the app so when the appetite guides and governs our behavior, it inhibits our ability to see long term. >> We can only see short term. >> So we give up something that will last a generation >> for something temporary >> for something that's only going to satisfy us temporarily. >> That's true, pastor.

And so what Esau did was he allowed his craving to cancel his birthight. >> Mismanaged craving. >> Mismanaged craving. >> That's right. >> Cuz the text doesn't say how long he was out hunting. >> So we don't know. I don't we don't know if it was like we don't know.

That's good. Now I I've got a I've got a a plethora of questions that I won't explore. >> Cuz one of my questions is if you're hung if you're a hunter while you're hungry. >> Wow. That's >> not a good hunter. >> That's a little while you hungry. >> If you're a hunter, why you Anyway, >> okay, >> you got me? >> Yes, sir. >> Here's what it speaks to.

It speaks to first of all, >> cuz here are factors, guy. Here, here is a factor that contributes to winning the wrong way, >> right? Impatience. >> Impatience. Because even if he brought something home >> Mhm. >> that he hunted, he'd have to wait till it's cooked. >> I'm patient. >> The text says Jacob was already cooking. >> So really, you don't see just the you see an appetite >> that makes him impatient. >> And now he's acting out of that impatience.

And that is what actually caused him to sell the birthright. You see what I'm saying? If he he's hungry, but if he'd been willing to wait, he could have cooked his own soup >> or cooked what he had already uh uh conquered from hunting. And he wouldn't have ended up treating his temporary sensation of hunger like it was a terminal condition.

He says, "I'm about to die." >> That's verse 32. No, you're not. >> No, man. You hungry. you just hungry. But sometimes when that appetite boy I wish we could talk when that appetite is not under control, you confuse discomfort with death. >> Mean you meaning meaning he's he's exaggerating >> the consequences of this.

He's he's exaggerating the impact that this that this has on him. So he allows his inability to endure something that feels bad. Mhm. >> He allows that to drive him to make a decision that's bad. All this is is it feels bad. >> Yeah. >> It's not impacting you bad.

It just feels bad. That's it. You're not about to die. You're just hungry. >> The promotion, not getting the promotion just feels bad. But you're not about to die. >> Yeah. >> Not Not being married yet just feels bad. >> But you're not about to die. And and pastor, it's like how exaggerated needs justify desperate behavior. >> When you allow yourself to exaggerate a need, >> it can cause you to justify desperate illogical behavior, even ungodly behavior. >> Because when you even when you talk about impatience and if we look at patience, patience is to wait well.

So impatience is the inability to wait well. >> Yes. Say say what patience is again. the ability to wait well. >> Yep. So that is the like that is the the that is a that is a description of patience that is etm etm etmologically >> y'all know what I'm saying. >> I can't help you now.

I can't help you now. I can't I can't even imagine I can't help but accurate. That's my point. Like that's what the word actually means. Like patience doesn't mean I think sometimes we think like culturally patience means to wait >> but when the Bible talks about patience as a fruit of the spirit >> it is not referring to your willingness to wait >> only.

It's referring to how you wait. >> Wait. That's cool. Yeah. >> Literally because it's certain things you we don't have control over. We have to wait. >> We have to wait. >> But it it literally refers to how we wait. >> How we wait. >> It means to wait. >> Whale.

Well, >> and and because he couldn't wait well, he didn't wait at all. So, he he allows a momentary feeling to veto a multigenerational promise. >> He's unregulated. >> Mhm. >> And because he's unregulated, he makes a decision that's irreversible. >> That's right. And Pat, >> go ahead.

No, no. Go ahead. >> No, no, no. And this is what happens. What's conceived in impatience give birth to pain that patience would have prevented. Uh that's right. That's right. >> Was conceived >> what what you conceive while you are impatient >> gives birth to pain. >> Yes, sir. >> That patience would have prevented. >> I felt Baptist there, D. >> Yes, sir. >> Yes, sir. >> Some things you you're dealing with now. >> Yes, sir. >> Is a result of you not being willing to be patient. >> Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. And what does it do? Our point is this text shows us that impatience is what can drive us to try to win the wrong way. >> That Esau could have got the hunger dealt with another way >> if he'd just been if he just been patient. >> So we see the impatience with Esau, right? >> Yes. >> But then here's second thing we see in the text.

We see exploitation with Jacob because >> Jacob senses a vulnerability. Wow. and exploits >> Esau's dysfunction. So, here's here's why this is a little bit different, right? Because it's a brother. >> And I think I think a lot of the family dynamics that we see in scripture, we almost like sanctify.

We treat individuals in scripture sometimes like they're demigods and not actual humans. And because we treat them like demigods, we like glaze over the depth and the degree of dysfunction >> that actually exists in family context. Cuz this is not an enemy exploiting an enemy. >> It's a brother. >> This is a brother >> blood >> exploiting a brother.

I mean, this is his twin. >> Twin. Yeah. >> This is his twin, right? >> Somebody put twin. Put twin. This is his twin. His own twin. Twin. >> He's doing this now. This I think these type of dynamics being being exposed to us in scripture is not intended to make us cynical toward family.

Right? Mhm. >> But it is intended to deliver us from naivity and deliver us from the deception that causes us to think anybody can't do anything. >> A brother doing this to a brother says anybody can do anything. >> That's right. >> And most of the time when we're exploited, it's by people >> who close to us >> we think wouldn't do it. >> That's right.

Yeah. Yep. Yep. That's why this is in that's why this is that's why this is in this is in scripture which I think makes even relational intelligence that much more important which like scripture supports right like this whole idea of um Paul don't be deceived bad company >> corrupts >> corrupts good character or or Solomon >> um he he uh walked with the wise and become wise.

Proverbs 13:20, for a companion of fools suffers harm. So there's all this conversation um about your rel our relational circle because our relational circle contributes, watch this, to our shaping >> as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens one another. So it contributes to our shaping who we become.

But it also Dr. Dudley >> Yes, sir. >> contributes to our safety. you. My relationships not only impact how I'm shaped, they impact whether or not I'm safe. >> Wow. >> Cuz it's one thing to mismanage an appetite. >> It's another thing to mismanage an appetite around the wrong person. >> Y'all aren't talking.

They not talking. >> Nobody's talking to me in this Baptist church. >> Talking. Wow. >> Come on. That's a thing >> because there are people that can say, "Oh, they're they're vulnerable. They're the and and they will exploit your vulnerability to get something they always wished they had. >> So the fact that Jacob says give me the birthright like he didn't ask for a coat.

He didn't ask for shoes. He asked for the birthight which says to me you always wanted it. >> That's so good. That's good. >> You always wanted it. When we were playing soccer in the backyard you always wanted it. When we were hanging out together you always wanted it. when we went to church together, we all you always wanted it and you were patient enough.

So, Esau was impatient, >> but Jacob was patient enough >> to wait until Esau was vulnerable enough to exploit the vulnerability to get what he wanted. >> See that? See, you know what we need to do? We need to do a off camera no phones uh blueprint retreat. >> Mhm. >> So we can take it there >> with some of this stuff because there are people that are looking that are watching this right now.

You've experienced this spiritually. You've experienced it in church. >> Yes. >> You've experienced it in church. And we don't want people don't want to talk about it, but you've experienced it in church. >> Yeah. experienced it with a spiritual mother. >> Come on. >> Spiritual father. >> Come on.

You a spiritual father. A prophet. >> Yeah. Nobody's talking. An intercessor. >> Yes, indeed. >> We we we we could take it there. >> Take it there. And I think >> people people, you know, probably say, "Take it there now." No, we don't trust the saints like that. >> Nope.

We don't trust them. take it, twist it, edit it, cut it up. We don't trust the saints like that. Yeah. We won't say anything that we don't stand on 10 toes down. But the the the No, we trust the saints. We don't trust the Pharisees. >> That's right.

And pastor, let let me just, you know, just give further give a definition of what exploitation is. It's using somebody's weakness, >> their access, >> ignorance or vulnerability >> for personal advantage. Mhm. >> All these things. >> Mhm. >> Like when when you get weak >> Mhm. >> and when you give people access that you shouldn't give access to. >> Yes, sir. >> They exploit that. >> Because I even look at when we see Jesus and Judas. >> Mhm. >> You know, and one of the things you said is uh you can be prophetically positioned >> but still be predatory in nature. >> That's right.

That's right. That's right. Judas was prophetically providentially at least position >> position but he was still predatory in nature. still predatory in nature. >> And he waited, >> didn't he? Didn't he wait? >> He waited until there was an opportunity. >> Yes, sir. >> Until Jesus was vulnerable. >> My God. >> And then he did. >> Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. >> He betrayed him. >> Yes, sir. >> With that, Yes, sir. He He betrayed him. He He He waited on the right opportunity. >> Doc, let me just stay here one more time. Somebody put one more minute, Bishop, in the chat. Bishop, let me just stay here one more minute.

One more minute, Bishop. Here it is. For those of you that are new, I'm not a bishop. I don't want to be a bishop. That's that is uh that's something we say in Jess. When when I when I go to acting old, >> I think I got an old soul already, but when I go to acting older, there's a 75 year old man inside of me. >> There's a bishop.

I grew up old school. There's a bishop inside of me. 75. >> Yes. >> When I'm 75, I'm going say whatever I want. >> Yes. Yes, sir. Just blame it on my >> We going to be somewhere fishing at 75. >> We going to pass by the church. >> We going to be saved.

We We going to be saved. >> We going to be saved. 75, man. We going to be >> playing golf like that. I'm trying to tell you. >> Yes, sir. >> One hole. I'm going home. >> Yes. >> Swing it one time. >> Go home. Go look at the water. >> Yes, sir.

I'm with you. I'm with you. I'm with you. I I want to say this. I want to say this this is important what Jacob demonstrates and what he demonstrates what I'm saying what this what his actions here of exploitation demonstrate they demonstrate a vice of opportunism >> that I am sure is not just showing up the first time >> no >> like I feel confident at least and saying this is not the first time this has shown shown up >> Esau probably just didn't discern >> because love sometimes is blind Wow. >> And love will blind us >> to dysfunctions that people have totally or our blindness will minimize the severity of those dysfunction.

And I'm just telling you >> all like I'm not saying this this this vice being opportunistic can in and of itself might not be sinful. I'm not I'm not sure. I need to think through that some more. But it can lead to sinful actions. It can. Okay. Here's where I'm going with this though.

Just because something is not egregiously sinful doesn't mean it's not extremely dangerous to you. >> You see what I'm saying? >> So somebody might not be like uh I don't know like hostile or volatile. So Jacob might not have been hostile to Esau or volatile toward Esau. But this opportunism >> was danger because it could take something that violence can take. >> Wow. >> And this is something that I think people really have to discern. >> And uh I've had the privilege right now serving people over 20 years.

And this opportunism is something I have rarely seen people get discipled out of. they can get discipled out of. But the amount of work it takes to get discipled out of because what happens is there's a mentality that's a scarcity mentality that makes them an opportunist. >> But then there is something also which we call in our ecosystem we call we call it soul wound. >> There's also a soul wound somewhere that leads to constant discontentment.

So they are unable to be content. So when you're unable to be content, you always feel poor because you always you only see what you don't have. This is why or here's a scripture that kind of uh corroborates what I'm claiming. Godliness with contentment >> is great gain. >> Is great gain.

So if a person is godly >> and they don't have contentment, they're still going to feel poor. And I have like one I've experienced this I' like I I've exper where it is like it's been however long and that opportun opportunistic nature that showed up one way in this season is showing up another way in in in another season because the person didn't do anything egregiously sinful.

But for me to be close to that makes it exact. >> Does that make sense? Like and some like even even in just like my relational orbit recently there's something and I was like >> this is not overtly sinful but relationally it's extremely dangerous >> because it means you will put what you want above my well-being.

So it means there's not equity in the relationship because I'm not managing you that way. >> Does that make sense? Like I'm not man I'm not managing the person that way. It's like oh >> this that this is what this is. And so I think that is something >> that's important for believers to to understand like it's not judging.

We might need to do a direct to to to YouTube conversation about this. Yeah, I think we need to because we got to get this last point, but I I I feel I feel like this is so important. This is I feel like this is not addressed enough.

You and I have to we have to without judging people believe who they're showing they are, not who they say they are. >> Yeah, that's right. We got to believe the fruit. Jesus said, you know the tree by the fruit of bears. He's telling you believe fruit, not just words.

I love you. I'm with fruit. >> What are your fruits saying? >> Yes. So now because I'm not God, I can't sit in God's seat. God, the judgment seat is not a couch. It's a chair. It's a throne. >> Only God sits there. It's no room for me. >> Right? >> So I don't know the intent of another person's heart.

You don't either. Nobody does. Right? >> The fruit >> only. So, I'm not going to make a judgment on a person, but I will set boundaries based on fruit. And if Esau had discerned this, my brother, and I'm not I'm not going to judge whether or not he's a good person.

I just see a I just see fruit of um opportunism. >> So, if he's saying, "I'll give you some soup for a birthright," it's probably not in my best interest. is probably in his if he would have just dec if something would have clicked for him there he could have I think he could have it would have led to him making a wiser decision >> decision >> and even when it comes when you say exploit >> I feel the witness of the Holy Spirit on that one >> yeah like exploitation is not a one time event >> it's something that you do you do over and over and some people get better at it >> oh >> they get yeah they get better at exploitation >> getting better at a bad thing >> getting better. >> We know that's true.

We know that can happen. Yeah. >> So where there's impatience, a person will win the wrong way. That's Esau in the text. >> Where there's exploitation, >> a person will win the wrong way. That's Jacob in the text. >> Then there's another character in the text though, >> right?

Yeah. >> Enablement. >> Enablement. >> That's Rebecca in the text. >> Wow. Yes. >> So you see impatience with Jacob. Mhm. >> You see, ex impatience with Esau, excuse me, >> exploitation with Jacob, >> and then enablement >> with Rebecca. >> With Rebecca. Watch this. Now, watch this.

In in verse 5, chapter 27 says, Genesis 27:5. Now, Rebecca was listening as Isaac spoke to his son, Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebecca said to her son, Jacob, "Look, I overheard your father say to Esau, "Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat so that I may give you my blessings in the presence of the Lord before I die."

Now, my son, listen carefully. Do what I tell you. Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats so I can prepare some tasty food for your father just the way he likes it. then take it to your father to eat so that he may give you his blessings before he dies.

So Jacob has already taken the birthright. Now he wants the blessing reserved for the elder brother and his mother is conspiring with him. I'm not going to bother this to deceive the father. Somebody just put an emoji in the chat right there. We're not going to bother that. >> But that is botherable. >> It's bother.

And pastor, we talked about this last week. Maybe this is Rebecca's way of getting get back at Isaac and Gerard. >> Since you want to say I'm your sister. >> You say I'm your sister. This is get back. But it's but but but I think it speaks to a larger issue of dysfunction being enabled. >> This is enable enabling um behavior from you know throughout the family and it and it passes down and this is what we need to understand about enabling which makes enablement so dangerous.

It is protecting someone from their consequences >> in a way that endorses and empowers dysfunction. Yes. Yes. That's it. That's it. That's it. Or we or we could argue this, doc, that um sometimes people will like verbally, how can I say that they can almost cuz Rebecca didn't do it. >> She just helped Jacob do. >> Suggested. >> Yes.

So sometimes you feel less guilty when you're not the one actually engaging in the act, >> not realizing that sometimes you're enabling with assistance, >> which is what Rebecca did here. >> And then other times you're enabling with your silence. >> That's right. Yeah. When you should speak against it, speak up, speak out, >> you're enabling because you don't say anything. >> Mhm. >> Right. >> And silence is complicity.

Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. Mhm. So, some people win the wrong way because of impatience. Some people win the wrong way because of exploitation. >> Some people win the wrong way because there's a Rebecca, a person that loves you in your life that is enabling you. >> Now, I'm I'm I'm just keeping it a buck.

I'm We're going to have to do a series on this biblical friendship. I wrote a whole chapter on it on relational intelligence. And I took what I what I what I believe to be a very like culturally presumptive subject. Like when we say friendship, people just assume. >> You know what I mean?

And I think what happens is we have this cultural assumption of what friendship is. And then we impose that >> that meaning of friendship on the word friend in the Bible when what you see from the word friend in the Bible is very different from what we call a good friend in culture.

Because a a biblical friend, hallelujah, >> come on. >> A biblical friend, watch this, is not they're not trying to, but they are willing to >> hurt your feelings to protect your future. That's the book. >> Yeah. >> Faithful >> are the wounds. >> Are the what? >> Wounds of a friend. >> Wounds of a friend. >> Mhm.

Faithful. >> That's biblical. Biblically is no. We're going home. Not man. Go out. No. No. No. No. No. We're going home. >> Yeah. Biblical is you've had too much. You need to stop. Biblical is let's sit down. I think you have a problem. >> Wow. >> But I'm not going to bother this as much.

But when friendship is not biblical, it automatically either leads to enablement or exploitation. >> That's right. Either extreme. >> 100%. >> Either extreme. Yeah. >> Right. >> Yes, sir. So there was I I feel like for the most part, we're going to go all the way back to college here.

There was a season where we got we went from like what I would call normal Christian nominal Christianity because we were Christians when we got to college. >> Yeah. >> To like committed Christianity. So we got serious about our spiritual formation. >> That required a degree of like separation from a number of things. >> Um so that we could get strong enough.

Not that not that those things were sinful, but we needed to be strong enough. It's like, okay, we got to cut off a degree of our social life here so that we can become spiritually anchored enough to engage socially >> and without stepping over the line sinfully, right?

So, we kind we had to we had to get to that get to that point. Now, that means some people that were accustomed to a certain kind of social life with us had to make a decision how they were going to respond. >> Am I going to be upset cuz I just lost a a a party partner or am I going to be grateful that a person is taking their walk with God seriously?

And we had some mixed responses to that mixed >> reactions, mixed re >> some mixed reactions which which says to us neither those people didn't love us whatever but the friendship was not rooted rooted in biblical principle because it was like you're grieving the loss of something that's destroying me. >> It was destroying me.

But because you were enjoying >> what was what was killing me. >> What was killing me? >> Yeah. >> You're upset when I make a decision to live. >> Somebody needs Yeah. Somebody needs to hear that. >> Yeah. Cuz that that Rebecca is it's it's it's it's enablement. >> It's enablement. >> I'm not bothering this.

I think even in the context of marriage, Adam needed this revelation in the garden. Cuz he should have told Eve, "Put Put >> Let's put that down. >> Put it down, >> baby. >> Put it down. >> Put that down. >> Put it down. >> Serpent. I know who you are." >> And God called me to cover her.

Put it I need you to leave, baby. That's a snake. Put it down. >> We went to high school together. Put it Put it down. >> It's too much. That's too much. Put it down. That's too much. >> That's That's too much. That's too much. Put it down. >> Put it down. >> Yeah. put it down.

I'm not trying to control you. >> Part of my job is to cover blind spots to protect. >> That's not just physically. >> That's emotionally. That's come on. That's spiritually. And like when we talk about this concept of covering in the context of marriage, this is why I think choosing is such a big deal in scripture like how you choose and being equally yolked and all those sorts of things, right?

Because particularly like this too much we like I don't want to cross a line here in terms of what people are ready for but we kind of live in a culture context where Eve having to pull Adam away from the apple. >> Okay. >> I'm with you pastor behind I'm here. >> Yeah.

Yeah. So there's this there it yeah there's >> got to tail got to pull. >> Yeah. I think so even when you talk about something like leadership right leadership in the home if our understanding of leadership is rooted in what we see in culture then it's going to cause us to misread the presentation of leadership in scripture. >> So we'll assume like okay leadership mean in the home means control.

It means subjugation. It means a woman doesn't think for herself. It means a woman doesn't have her own brain. I think because some people have used that >> uh script have used scripture to exert control and abuse and to rob a woman who's an image bearer of God of a free will and her ability to make decisions that I think because people have abused it a lot of a lot of those of us who see it in scripture run from it.

But what we argue here is you don't fix wrong teaching by non teaching. You fix wrong teaching by right teaching. You know what I'm saying? Mhm. >> And um when I'm choosing, you know, if I had a daughter, the things I would be looking for would be not just can he provide financially, Um cuz mine and yours won't have to have a man for that. >> They will not. >> Now, biblically, he should be able to contribute to that.

But they won't choose from that place. They won't >> because they're coming they're coming up in the home of a man who uh has created an environment for them where they don't know lack. >> They don't. >> So they're not driven. Here's the point that I'm making. There's just a lot of conversation about like financial provision like that.

That's what I'm hearing, >> right? and we deal with a lot of people >> and the majority of the people in all of our congregations are not married because people one the demographic tends to be a little bit younger and then two people are waiting longer to get married now which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing um because you really got to be clear when you get married as young as we were. >> That's right. >> Like I had a word >> I had a word from God. >> I did too.

Yeah. And without that word from God, I probably wouldn't be married because I would have picked based off of where I was at 20, 21. You understand what I'm saying? I'm not even the same man now. >> Like over 20 years, I become four different versions of myself.

But when God picks, >> he he picks >> somebody that he knows you need for every season. He knows who you're becoming. So, like I'm I'm not mad at people waiting longer because I think there is a degree of self-discovery that some people need to have, etc. Here's a point that I'm making.

We're not talking about marriage, but here's a point that I'm making. I think there's a lot of conversation about just the financial provision and not and so protecting financially and not are they protecting emotionally and are they protecting spiritually. If someone's going to lead me, you got to have discernment.

You got to be able to see the serpent in the snake. You got to be able to see Satan in the snake. Cuz even if they can provide financially and they don't have discernment, they probably won't have the finances long. Then that's really a problem cuz you marry them for money.

You don't like the way he look. You don't like the way he pray. You don't like anything else. And then the money gone. >> It's bad. But you incumbent, >> it's a bad situation. >> Anyway, we need to do something else on that. >> that we do. >> But there's impatience that leads to making decisions that win the wrong way.

Exploitation and enablement. Now, here's what happens. It seems like Jacob is acting without consequence until you get to verse 41. When it says, "Esau held a grudge against Jacob's so against Jacob because of the blessings his father had given him. He said to himself, "The days of mourning for my father are near. then I will kill my brother Jacob.

So this impatience and this exploitation like this enablement, it hits a season where you start reaping the harvest of those seeds. >> So it feels like he's winning. But remember when you win wrong, you don't win long. And so the question is not just what am I accomplishing?

What am I gathering? Am I doing it God's way? Is it being driven by impatience, exploitation, or enablement? Because if it is, what happened to Jacob's life is eventually going to happen to ours. And that's three things. One, disruption. Jacob secured the blessing, but he destroyed the relationships that made the blessing meaningful.

The very moment he received his father's prophetic words, he lost access to the father's presence because Isaac finds out eventually that he's been deceived and he's upset. And then he loses his brother's fellowship. So Isaac's blessing um became contributed to Isaac and Jacob's distance. So because of the way he deceived his father, it's like, bro, you ruptured a relationship with the father over this >> over this >> or you ruptured a relationship with your brother over this.

So his relational life was disrupted. We're about to see in a second. So many different areas of his life are disrupted >> because that's what happens when you win the wrong way. >> You win the wrong way. And one of the uh I think it's worth noting that when you win the wrong way, >> you still lose. >> That's it. >> Because what you're saying is all the things that you're losing >> while you think you're winning the right way. >> Oh gosh.

He didn't even see what he was losing. >> He didn't even see what he was losing. >> Yeah. He didn't even see what he was losing. Sometime I I we we we're so concentrated and focused on what we're gaining. >> Yes. >> We fail to notice that what we're losing will eventually outweigh what we thought we >> I want to speak to somebody right now personally and I want to tell you you you may find yourself in one or two scenarios.

Scenario one is a person loses you for whatever the it is and then they realize that the it is not worth more than you. >> That may be one scenario you find yourself in. >> The second scenario is this. It is the person loses you for whatever the it is that they want to gain and they're actually satisfied with it.

When they're satisfied, you need to grieve, watch this, differently. Because it's okay to grieve the loss of that relationship, >> but you should be grieving what you thought it was. >> You're grieving what you thought cuz it's not it's not what you thought it was isn't what it is.

The fact that they want that more than you. >> That's good. >> Lets you know this not what I thought it was. >> So, you're grieving what you thought it was cuz it never was what you thought it was. And you need to let that go. >> Um, Henry Mloud says, I think in the book, Never Go Back, don't go back if the reason you left is still there.

Watch this. >> Here's my here here's my addendum to that that I've applied in my own life. >> You can't come back if the reason you left is still there. >> Wow. >> God himself put angels outside the Garden of Eden >> so they could not get back. >> So that Adam and Eve could not get back in.

Mhm. >> It wasn't. And was God holding a grudge? >> No. Was God feel resentment? No. What was he doing? He was holding a boundary. He's saying this version of you can't come back in here. >> Pastor, even I'm just thinking about, you know, we we we uh we see grace at work here. >> And what grace does is uh grace does not uh uh prevent you from the consequences, >> but it does help you get through the consequences. >> That's right. >> Yeah.

Uh, and so there are there are consequences to all there's consequences to winning >> the wrong way. >> Mhm. >> But what happens is you get to a point that where you catch up with God's grace. >> Mhm. >> And God's grace doesn't exempt you from the consequences, but it does help you to get through >> That's right. >> the consequences. >> That's right.

That's right. That's right. So it led to disruption >> which was consequences. >> Which was a consequence. Then it led to displacement. Right. which was a consequence >> because now Jacob literally has to leave his home and his homeland so that he is not uh subject to or in proximity to Esau right cuz remember Esau's out there hunting >> with bows and arrow Jacob cooking. >> Yeah.

So when it if it was gonna go down, >> Esau already put their hands. >> Yeah. If it's going down, it's like they Jacob picking up a spoon and Esau got a bow and arrow. Yeah. It's it's something different. So he literally he's displaced. >> Mhm. >> He's displaced.

And that's what ends up that's what ends up happening. Uh if you look at Genesis 27 uh 44, you'll see Rebecca's like, "Hey, you got to get away." And she says in verse 44, for a few days, but those days became years that almost became that became a lifetime in terms of like he never saw Rebecca again. >> He saw Esau again, but he never saw Rebecca again.

So the blessing promised him land, but his method of obtaining it made the land uninhabitable for him. So part of the birthright he stole was land, >> right? That he couldn't even live in. So he became a refugee from his own inheritance. Cuz when I do it the wrong way, there's displacement.

And then finally, when I win the wrong way, there's danger. Esau's unresolved pain turns into murderous intent. And Jacob now is living under a constant threat to his life. I mean, years later, after this man has an entire family. You remember this? >> He is literally uh traveling and then gets worried like he saw your brother coming.

He like oh god. He tell his wife and the whole family, y'all stay here. Let me go over there. Like he's he's literally living under the anxiousness. And here's what's happened. The danger here's what's interesting. The danger didn't become a reality. So the punishment wasn't the danger becoming a reality.

The punishment was living under the threat of danger. Sometimes the punishment isn't what does happen. And sometimes the punishment is you living under the threat that it could happen. And it's in this place that God does some of his deepest work with Jacob. His name eventually becomes Israel and etc.

So we have professional ambition, we have relational ambition, we have uh physical ambition, we got some desires. There are some areas we want to win in that we want to get better in. But we acquiring God's will will not require us to violate God's way. Because when we win wrong, we don't win long.

And Jacob's narrative is an example of this. Man, I pray y'all got something out of this. Drop some fire in the chat if you found this helpful. You know, one of the things I love about the blueprint, it is really for uh the believer who recognizes Sunday's not enough.

And uh and one of the things that we're able to do here is we're able to kind of take our time and go a little longer to cultivate stamina for teaching like and if like I don't teach an hour on Sundays, but and I'm not trying to sound like overly like spiritual here, but that it's because the average believer doesn't have the spiritual stamina that they need to to sit under teaching.

And if I watch a talk show for an hour that's not adding value to me, a movie for two hours, a game for three hours, it's because I've developed the stamina and I have an appetite for what I'm consuming. And um that's why we love this. We don't rush it.

And you know, sometimes it's 30 minutes, sometimes, well, it's never been 30 minutes, but it could be 30 minutes. Sometimes it's an hour. So we just I hope it's adding tremendous tremendous and amazing value to you, man. and so grateful for you. I I want to pray us out before we do.

Um they're going to put up a lower third now which kind of speaks to which gives an opportunity to for those of us to for those of us to give and um um we believe in the principle of sewing and reaping and uh this added value to you in any way um I want to encourage you to to to sew back into the field that you're harvesting from.

The ways to do that are on the screen. We're going to pray you out. Father, thank you for your goodness to us >> and um your instruction that you've given us through your word. We receive it today and uh we say in the language of antiquity, what God has for me is for me.

We want your will and we want it your way. So would you give us the courage and the clarity um to do that? Your word says that the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord. And so, Father, we just pray that you order our steps, our decisions, our choices.

We thank you. You say, "Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly." Give us the discernment to sense and to see when the counsel is ungodly. I thank you for that. That your word will be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto our path.

We give you praise. We will win your way, your will. Nothing less, nothing more in Jesus name. Amen. >> Amen. >> We love you. See you next time. Take care.