Enjoying God, Enjoying Family | Francis and Lisa Chan I want to start off with the most important things. Um, I mean like like like Jeff said, uh, we've been married 31 years, seven kids, five grandkids, and what we would have taught in a parenting seminar 20 years ago compared to what we would say now um, is completely different. Uh, and it wouldn't be about a bunch of dos and don'ts, but a couple of the core issues. And so, this is a song that uh my my daughter wrote and recorded about um I don't know, couple years ago, few years ago, but just pay attention to the words. ((music playing)) Oh, oh Lord. Raining on high, dwelling in unapproachable light. Who can stand before your glory and your might? Oh Lord, you reign on ((music playing)) high. And every time I think of who you are and all you've done, I'm captivated by the thought that you desire us. How can my heart keep from bursting at the truth of this Emmanuel? Our God wants to be with us. ((music playing)) Jesus incarnate deity, a spotless lamb, robed in humility. He chose to die with his blood to buy us peace. Jesus, it's my joy to call you king. And every time I think of who you are and all you've done, I'm captivated by the thought that you desire us. How can my heart keep from bursting at the truth of this? Emmanuel, our God wants to be with us. This mystery never stops confounding me. My God once perfect unity I'm done. What beautiful ((music playing)) insanity and my God is so in love with me. Oh my God in love for me. I'm beautiful for ((music playing)) insanity. And every time I think of who you are and all you've done, I'm captivated by the thought that you desire us. How can my heart keep from bursting at the truth of this Emmanuel? Our God wants to be with us. I stand in awe. God, you want to be with ((music playing)) us. I mean, that's that's my heart. Like I I every day I I ask God, I go, "God, can you remind me of two things every day of my life? Number one, that you are holy. And number two, that you love me. If I can remember those truths and really internalize it every day, like like not just one or the other, but to recognize there's this God in heaven that if we were to look at him, we would all die right now instantly. And the the high angels are covering themselves up in his holiness. He's all powerful. spoke this world into existence. To know that and understand who we're talking about, right? He's keeping us all alive right now. We're all dependent on him. And then to know that he loves me. That's the insanity that my daughter is writing about there. Like this is just how can how do how do we keep our hearts from just bursting? How how are we not just blown away that he adores us, we're forgiven, we're his children. And and so I just felt like her song just encapsulated so much of my heart and her heart, which that's the thrill is like this is what my daughter wants to sing about. Um, four of our kids are worship leaders now. And it's just to to now go to a gathering and see my children up there leading me into the presence of God in a clearly a gifted way, but with that type of heart. I think that's what we're in this room for, right? That's the dream. And I just go, gosh, we're living the dream. Every time a different child leads me into worship, I'm going, this is like, you know how the Bible says that he'll do more than you could even ask or imagine? Like, that's where I'm at. Cuz I'm like, when we first got married, we first had a kid, I didn't even know to ask for that. I couldn't even imagine having a house full of worship like because I'd never seen it. So, how do you even ask for it? How do you even think about? And I just go, "Wow, he really does beyond anything you could dream of." And uh I don't know, Father's Day, like when we're worshiping or whatever, I'll bring that up. I'm like, "Gosh, this is beyond anything I dreamt of. This is amazing." And and last year my kid says, "Do you realize you say that every year?" I'm like, "Do I?" But it's true. Like I I'm just blown away. Um, so at the end of the day, I think the one thing I really want to communicate to you is I've been a believer for over 40 years now. And you know, I fell in love with Jesus in high school. And I am enjoying him more than ever. Like I love being with him. I love thinking about him. I love dwelling on his word. I love his word more than I've ever loved it. Um, last year I just wouldn't read anything else but this book. Um, and I ended up reading through the Bible 12 times last year, like cover to cover every month cuz I'm just like I I'm so tired of all the noise out there. I just want one person's input and I just want to be saturated with it. I also want to make sure I'm not being deceived because uh preachers like me, we can get off on one topic and make it everything. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to just listen to one teacher because, you know, he'll get stuck on his issue. I want to read this book over and over and over and know the flow of it. And and so it just got me so focused on understanding his holiness, but also his mercy and grace and love. And it's just been this journey where I'm going, I love my life. At our 25 year anniversary, which is several years ago, you know, Lisa asked me at dinner, she goes, "Do you know anyone happier than us?" And I go, "I really honestly don't." And she goes, "Me neither." She goes, "I keep thinking we'll meet someone that's happier than us, but it hasn't happened." And I go, "Yeah, that's really cool to be able to say that." And it's it's this walk with the Lord. It's this marriage. I mean, I really this is not an obligation to me. It's not a bunch of rules that I have to follow. I mean, maybe maybe when I first in high school began to understand God, it just looked like, okay, this is the downside of Christianity, all of these commands. But over time, you start realizing, wow, his commands really lead to life, and I love him being my king. I love his laws. I can't wait till he comes and reigns on earth as it is in heaven. Like, I want that. I love having a king. I love having this relationship. And and so marriage has not been like this contract either where it's like I'm stuck cuz God commanded me to be stuck and I signed a paper saying I'm stuck, you know, and so let's hold out as long as we can and try to be and like we like that's not that's not what God intended for marriage. um it's not what he intended for our relationship with him. He said, "I came that you would have life and have it to the full." And so with my kids as well, I mean, it's just weird when people hear that we have seven kids, they go, "How did you do it?" And I'm just like, I can't imagine only having six or I can't like I can't imagine like life without Silus or Claire or Zeke or you know it's like what do you mean how did we do it? Each kid brought us more life into the family, more laughter. And I think that's what Jeff and I were talking about at dinner. He's like, "Whoa, you did that. You did that." And I mean, our family is just there's so much laughter. There are times I'm crying because, you know, they're just so funny. My my kids are anyways. Um they they go through kind of a dumb phase where it's like you know you kind of have to give the courtesy laugh but then they get to this age where they are just hilarious and we'll just sit around and just laugh. I mean I was even thinking that that picture of the Grand Canyon I was filming a video on unity and I just brought like how many kids? Four. And uh we're just camping on a an on in on a tent, which we hardly ever do cuz cuz um you know, you like we just don't. And hotels. Yes. Yeah. We camp in hotels. Um or the kids will set up a tent, you know, in the living room, but uh but we're freezing cold, the six of us. And you know, there's like video team staff people in different tents. I mean, we're laughing till like 3:00 in the morning just as a f like we just could not stop laughing and to where we had to just apologize to everyone. Sorry for keeping you up. Our kids were just super funny last night. And that's I don't know. It's like we can get into like dos and don'ts, but at the end of the day, like are you a person that genuinely just loves Jesus? Like, I can't get enough of him. I love being alone with him. I love praying to him. I love the way he answers me. I love the way he cares about me. I love this adventure I've been on with him. I mean, we're at a funeral earlier today and I I love that. I mean, it's just we're laughing. It's it's fun. It's just telling these people about this adventure with this God who has answered me my whole life. It's amazing. And is that true of you? And is it true of your marriage that it does keep getting better? And after 31 years, I still don't like when I have to travel and be away from like I want her with me all the time. I want her at everything, you know, even at, you know, going to the funeral today. It was 30 minutes away. She goes, "Well, maybe we should take separate cars cuz this I'm like, "No, I just want to drive with you. I just I I just I always want it." And the kids see this and they know it. So, they know that my relationship with God is not a burden. It's not a bunch of rules. They're going, "Uh, I want what dad has. They know our marriage is not something we're just going to hold on till you guys graduate and then we're going to divorce." Like so many of your friends, they know it. Like, they see it and they envy it. They're jealous of it. and and they know how we love them and enjoy them and and I think this why our girls getting married so young. I mean one was 20 one was 21. I mean crazy early and that's why that's why we have so many grandkids already. It's but to me it's awesome that our kids are like I can't wait to get started. I want to go after that. And now the way they seek the Lord and they love their own kids. It's it's the dream, but most importantly is it's got to be real in you. Okay? I've I've been teaching in churches for 35 years, so I know how fake it can be and how we can say the right things and appear a certain way, but the life really isn't in you. And you can fool your kids when they're toddlers. They believe anything. And uh and probably through grade school even, but then as most of us when they get into middle school, high school, they know if you're real or not. They know if you're a person they want to become like or not. And we we all figured out our parents. We didn't figure them out early on in life, but later on it's like, "Oh, shoot. Now I know why he was gone all the time. Now I know why this. Now I know why that. We get it all figured out later on in life. And so that's why I go, this is about integrity beyond anything. Are you someone who enjoys God? Because the kids will pick up on that. And are you a person who enjoys marriage? Because they'll see that. And do you enjoy being a parent and passing on this faith to them? I mean, that's the Westminster confession, right? That so many of us hold to. The chief aim of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever. And I honestly I missed that a lot of my Christian walk. I didn't understand that enjoyment. I saw this as a list of rules. I went through many years of I've been talking about this a lot lately just where I remember when it started. I was in college and I believed in Jesus. I love Jesus. But they kept talking about lordship salvation. you know, which I still believe in that Christ must be lord of your life. I mean, you can't just have him as savior and not lord. We don't get that choice. He's always lord. That's that's who he is. That's he is the king. Period. You don't say, "Hey, can you come into my life but not be lord? Can you just come in and just save me and uh but not rule over me?" Like, that's who he is. He's the king of the universe. He is Lord. You can't say, "Oh, Francis, will you be my friend?" But can you stop being Chinese? It's like, "Ah, it's who I am." You know, you it it doesn't it's it doesn't make sense. And so this whole idea of he comes in as your Lord. But so I absolutely believe that, but there was such an emphasis on are you sure he's Lord of your life? And we start judging everyone else like that guy's apostate. That church is off. These guys are off. They're off. We're the only ones that got it right. Or even sure you have it right. It's like, I don't know. You know, and as a college student, you're thinking, oh man, I I sin so much this week. Oh, my lust is just overcoming me. He must not be really Lord of my life. And then you start getting insecure like, darn it, then am I a Christian? And then we just start judging. Are you a Christian? I don't know. I don't know. And I remember sitting around the dorms. I mean, this isn't like if you just look at works and commitment, I was one of the most devoted people I knew. And yet, we're sitting around the dorm one day and and the I remember someone just saying, "Will any of us really know if he was really Lord of our lives until we die?" And we kind of just looked at this girl and we're like, "Yeah, I guess not." That is so sad that all of us were sitting around going, "Yeah, I don't know if he's Lord of my life, so I don't know if I'm going to heaven. I guess we'll find out when we die." And it created this insecurity in us where we just kept working harder and harder to make sure he was Lord of our lives. And every time we failed, it's like, I don't know if he's really Lord. Anytime I didn't share my faith with someone and because I got embarrassed or shoot, he must not be Lord of my life. I'm not sure if I'm going to heaven. that this insecurity that could be in a lot of this is so common and I was a pastor for years and it was at my 50th birthday party. 50th. Okay, just seven years ago. We got some people together to pray and I just looked at my church. I go, "You guys, if I'm perfectly honest, there's still some insecurity in me, and I don't want it there. I want it all gone." I mean, according to scripture, according to First John chapter 4, he he says that perfect love casts out all fear. I I just want to read that passage to you because he says verse uh 1 John 4 verse 16. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love and whoever abides in love abides in God and God abides in him. By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment. Because as he is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear. Fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. I just had to be honest with my church. I go, "Hey, I know I'm the one that wrote all these books, preached all around the world. Still got some insecurity in me, a little bit of fear. I don't know if it's just all those years of being rejected as a kid by my dad or whoever else, having no one to I don't know what the issue is, but the bottom line is I'm still insecure. And and when I look at that passage now, it's the heart of a father that's going, I don't want any of my kids wondering if I'm going to send them to hell. I don't want my kids 80% sure that I love them. I want you to be fearless. I want you to be perfected in love. No fear of judgment. What I can honestly say today during the funeral is it's it's open casket because it's just an Asian thing. And and I'm like, throw me in there. Kill me. like I the fear of death, the sting is gone. But I will say that for so many years it was like 80% gone. And it saddens me now cuz I go around to different places preaching and just asking for a show of hands asking people to stand up. you know, hey, if you're only about 80% sure, I'll say just stand up. And every time the number of people that stand up, it brings me to tears because I'm realizing, wow, the enemy has stolen this from us. He hates when we're happy in Jesus. That's why he talks about Cain and Abel. I never understood that story till a few weeks ago. I'm like, "Oh, so Satan was empowering Cain." Cain hated that his brother. Oh, look at God saying, "Oh, well done, Abel." And Abel's a thanks God. They're in this great relationship. And it drove Cain crazy because that drives the enemy crazy because that's what the enemy gave up. And so it got to the point where it's just like I got to kill him. Satan wants to destroy your joy, your life, and he'll use very religious people. people wearing suits, people singing hymns, people singing praise choruses, but get you into some sort of insecure working to try to prove something to God or to yourself or to others rather than just resting and going, he loves me perfectly. I am so loved by the king. And that's when the life comes and that's where it just starts overflowing. So I just got to ask that because I'm telling you, you can teach all the right stuff to your kids, okay? You can, you know, make them go to a great school like TKA, great teachers, great instruction, biblical. I mean, we went to what's that called? Parent night and went to all the different classrooms. I'm like, that teacher is cool. And the next one, whoa, that teacher's cool. Whoa, that and we're like, every teacher seems like they really know God. This is weird. And and then we, you know, we even just like asked our, you know, eighth grader like, "So, who's your favorite teacher?" You know, and she'll say, and I'm like, "Yeah, we liked her, too." I'm like, "Which one do you not like?" And she goes, "Honestly, I like them all. Like, they all seem real." I go, "Yeah, we did, too. That was weird, you know. So you can do all of this, but if in your heart you're just saying you believe in God and you really don't get this pleasure and there's not the security and joy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was a believer all those years and I was growing and it's not like I never enjoyed God. I just knew there were some things missing in my life has been this journey because some of us have some deep baggage and uh and God in his gentleness and grace, he brings us out of it and then we're able to minister to others. And so I don't know, you want to say something? Yes. And I'm so sorry about my distracting you off. I just have one of those, you know, 3-w weekek coughs going on, so pardon me. Um, but I couldn't help but think of a story my um 20-year-old came home with. She works at a cookie shop and she was sharing with a coworker and she says, you know, this coworker found out that I'm a Christian. So she starts saying like, "Oh, what I really hate about Christians is that they're always trying to procilitize and, you know, um, make everybody become a Christian, you know." And Ellie says, "You know, we were h she was actually just having like a great conversation with her and she goes, um, but I told the girl, I said, well, I understand what you're saying. I I I know that that can be a frustration for people, but she says, "For me, it's like I know it's almost like I have this best friend that I want to introduce you to because I love them so much." And I don't know, she worded it so much better than that. But I was like, "Wow, Ellie, that's really cool that you, you know, even if she's thinking of it that way, but she's kind of telling the girl, it's like, you know, when you know somebody that's really awesome, you're like, "Oh, hey, you know, this is my husband, Francis. He's, you know, whatever." You know, you want people to He's awesome. He's amazing. Um, yeah. But anyways, I was like, what a great heart. Like that's what we want. Even in parenting, I was thinking that's what we're trying to do. It's it's not, hey, follow this, you know, religious ideology, but like I know the living God and he is so real and so amazing and his commands lead to life. I've seen it. You know, you read these scriptures like in the Psalms um where it's like one generation declares to the next and I'm like, "Yes, that's me. I am like the older generation." And I'm going, "No, you guys, God is so good. He is so faithful. We've gone through highs and lows, but let me tell you, God shows up. He is able. He is so good to us. You you everything in you wants to scream out the goodness of God. I know him. I have prayed many times. I have seen him come through. I've seen him work in the worst of circumstances, bring absolute redemption, healing. It's like, how can I not want to introduce my children to this amazing God, right? That's kind of what I'm hearing you saying. Like, this isn't just, oh, hey, we're trying to be good Christians and go to church. It's like, no, you guys need to know how amazing God is. And so anytime I know it can be frustrating sometimes when you like people have even complained about our marriage book, you know, in a lovely way, but like, oh, come on. We want conflict resolution skills and and we're going, hey, you guys don't forget that this isn't actually about your marriage. This is about being like living on mission like Lord your kingdom come your will be done on earth as it is in heaven like you know about once or twice a week I pray that with my we still have a 10-year-old you guys we are in this with you okay um we have our almost 30-year-old who has three kids our oldest granddaughter is seven and our youngest son is 10 um and Francis decided early on to have a lot of faith about how many children that we would have. Um, so sometimes I had to borrow his faith. Um, but yeah, it is so fun. It's so fun. What I was going to say is it's frustrating, you know, because now here we are in our 50s and we're parenting a 10-year-old. And it's very different than we we parented our, you know, 30-year-old and we're in our 20s. Um and the truth is yes we can get to like he said practical things but um you know the heart is like the Philippians 2 kind of heart like where we want to strive side by side for the gospel like even in our parenting. So, I guess we just want to like call you to something, you know, like higher and deeper in some maybe in in some ways a little bit loftier than just, okay, but I'm in the daily grind of parenting. But we have to pull back. We have to maintain that eternal perspective. It's one of the things I tell my husband all the time that I'm so grateful for that he that he just like carries that leadership role in our home of we are here for the kingdom of God and isn't this an amazing journey and ride you know that's like the heartbeat of our home and you have to you have to like lock eyes with one another like husbands wives and say like hey are we striving side by side for the gospel El like is that our heart? Are we really on mission together to bring God's kingdom and to see God at work? Um because it just makes everything real. And you know I always whether I'm talking about marriage or parenting I'm like don't go out don't try to be a good parent. That is not what you want. Don't try to be an excellent wife. I mean even though okay that's scriptural. We do want to be an excellent wife, but um that's not the goal. You know, you know, love God, love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. And so, you know, I used to sit across from my grandma. She's now been with Jesus for years, but just a saint, like loved Jesus like nobody. And I'm like, "Grandma, tell me like your best advice. Like, you know what? what have you learned now that you're in your 90s? And she's like, love. And I'm like, oh, love what? Love who? Like, you know, and you know, and I'm like, grandma, I need some meat here, you know. But she's just like, oh, honey, it's all about love. Just, you know, love God. And I'm going, oh, now I get why she says that because it's true. you know, no one she's it's not new. It is the greatest commandment and God has said it like I want you to love me. And if that is the heartbeat of your home, then you can rest assured that all of your mistakes that you make because you will make them. We've made a thousand mistakes. But God is the one who is perfect. God is faithful. God will see you through. God will give you wisdom. God will see you through when you're like I I mean I have cried and cried over most of my children. Some haven't made me cry as much but I mean just crying out to the Lord um it is not easy but we look to the Lord and we trust like no you can approach his throne of grace with confidence to receive mercy and help in your time of need. God will meet you there. And so that's like the biggest encouragement I want to give. Yeah. Let me let me say something about parenting since that's what we're supposed to be talking about. Um and it's to the to the guys. Um when my first daughter was born, um someone told me, they go, you know, her view of God is going to be so shaped by her relationship with you. And then they also said to me, "And she's probably going to marry a guy who's a lot like you." And I thought, "Wow, okay, then I want to be this incredible guy cuz I love this little girl so much. I want her to marry an amazing guy." And but those two thoughts came. Well, first let me talk about the guy. So years ago, I'm doing this ministry in San Francisco in the Bay View area. It's like a place for drug rehab guys, disciplehip, guys coming out of prison. And this guy starts serving there. And uh then I was building like a prayer shed in my backyard. And I'm not super handy, but I I get by and and I asked this one kid, "Hey, can you come help me with this?" And he's got all his tools. Totally manly guy. I'm like, "Oh, I like this guy." And he starts talking about his walk with the Lord. I'm like, "Wow, that's amazing." And every time we'd get together, I'd tell my wife, "This kid is incredible. Like, it's almost like he's in my prayer room with me. The things he's getting from scripture is what I'm getting from scripture." And um she's like, "Wow, you sound like you have a crush on him." I go, "I do." And and I remember that day I went back in my prayer room and I said, "God, you always give me what I want." that guy Justin, I go, I want him in my family. And I see it in the Old Testament. You just set up Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. No, seriously, that's what I said. I go, you determined it. So, I know you've done it. And And I I don't ever want to cross any boundaries with you, God, cuz you'll always know what's best. But I'm telling you from my heart, could you have Justin meet my daughter Rachel, fall in love? I want him in my family. This was in February. They were married by December. Married. Okay. I mean, it was like a month or two later that he had to borrow a saw from me, you know, and I'm like, you know, and I was gone. I'm like, hey, yeah, just go by my house. Um, I think my daughter's there. And, uh, he's like, "All right." And I called my daughter. I'm like, "Honey, someone's about to come over and borrow a saw. Um, look your best. Trust." So, I I worked it a little bit, too. But I'm like I'm like, "Honey, just trust me on this one." You know, you got that little playing with the hair thing. Do it. You know, just I mean, it was It's just crazy. And now he's my son-in-law. He's one of my best friends. He's father of three of my grandkids. He's an elder in the church. I mean, it's just like this is too much. This is so crazy. and we are so alike. It is ridiculous. So, it is true. And um I don't know, my son-in-laws are like my best friends. I love them to death. They're both elders in the church. Um godly godly men. Way more integrity than I ever had at that age. And uh and to think that my kids are with and then their view of God. But I just want to say when they told me that your kids their view of God is going to be impacted by their view of you, I just took seriously, okay, what is God like? And I want to be like that. And the thing that I see in scripture is that God, he's Lord. He is the authority. I don't cross him. He tells me what to do. And I said, 'Okay, then that's the type of father I'm going to be. I'm going to be the leader in the house. I'm the head of the home and my kids know it. And yet God is my most intimate friend. Jesus, I I love him. Love his presence right here with me. I'm secure in him. And so that was my goal is we don't think about authority and intimacy in the same sentence. But that's what God is. And and I wanted to be that for my kids. I wanted to show them this is what your heavenly father is like. He is lord. He is in control. And and he is your most intimate friend. And the other day, I don't know if this thing is still working. It is um uh at church I was talking about parenting and then my daughter got up to uh to lead worship. What's that? Oh, I'll do that in a sec. Let me Okay, I'll show it in a second. So my daughter was getting up to lead worship and I'm just like, "Hey honey, why don't you say something real quick?" Um, just anything that we did, right? Um, and uh, this was her answer and I loved it. Something I'm the most thankful for ish, we were joking about it earlier, but like we all did genuinely have a fear of my dad. Like I remember at dinnertime, Zeke one time didn't like the food, so he kind of started like coughing or sputtering and dad just dropped his fork and Zeke was like, "Okay, I'm going to eat." Which is a silly example, but like you didn't you knew you just didn't mess around um when it came to order and authority. And I think that has saved me from so much heartache in life because it taught me to take the commands of God seriously. Um, which as I look at my peers and people that didn't have that like structure and authority in the home and then they just like they don't take much seriously, they don't take school seriously, they don't take work seriously and ultimately it just leads to like not thriving as a person. Um, and it's the same in our our spiritual walk. If you just think everything's casual, lying is casual, all kinds of things can just become really loose and gray. But I feel like life was very black and white for me as a kid and we didn't have a lot of gray area and that's so helpful um spiritually to just know yeah things are black and white and it's okay for things to be black and white and I still and still do to this day feel so cherished and loved by my dad. He's still one of my closest friends at almost 25 with about to have second kid. He's still like top of the list of my my best buds. still play stupid games together. And um yeah, I've been so so blessed and I think that all the time like to those who much has been given, much is expected. And it just makes me want to to live up to that as a parent now myself. Yeah, that was a pretty awesome moment. That's my family, by the way. Um our seven kids and I don't know how many grandkids are there. only only four of the grandkids are there. But um it's just been an awesome journey. And so that's why it was so special when I just spur the moment was like, "Hey, just uh just say uh yeah, I'm just trying to turn that off." Okay. Um to share what you remember. And it was like, "Wow, that's exactly what I wanted." like authority and to take God seriously like that and intimacy. It's so cool to have your daughter about to give birth to her second kid and say, "Dad's my best friend." Um it's like awesome. And remember we were in Hong Kong uh and it was over Father's Day just like a year or two ago and and I just started getting texts from my kids, you know, and and my son was in South Africa on a missions trip and he says, "Hey, bunch of my friends asked me a little while ago, if you got married today, who would be your best man?" And and he goes, "I told him I think it'd be my dad." And I'm just like, "Ah, yes." you know, you know, I just said, "Thanks, dude." You know, but inside I'm like, "Yes, no way. That's the best." You know, I'm just blown away. This is what I want for everyone, you know, like enjoy God, enjoy your kids, enjoy your wife, you know, but as men, lead the home, you know, sometimes we think, well, my friends won't be and my kids won't be my friends if I'm, you know, their authority figure. And so then you just end up just doing whatever your kids want and uh you just give in and you don't want to hold the line and it's not good for them because then they start viewing God that way. Um he his commands he's serious. It's a serious God. He does not play when it comes to his commands and his promises. I want you to believe my love for you. I want you to believe my grace for I want to believe I want you to believe the power you have. I don't want any dad or mom here going, "I don't know if I can do that. I don't know." No, you're doubting what his word says that you could do beyond what you could ask or imagine that he does that according to the power that's at work in us. And so I don't know if you have any other thoughts other than I was just thinking that of the temptation to not do it like our parents did and just that that can sidetrack you so easily. Um so just want to throw that out there like that's that's also not the goal like I'm going to do it different. Um, it's just God, what do you want? What do you want? What are you asking of us? How do you want us to run our home? How do you need me to pray for my children? Um, I was getting my gray hair covered the other day and you know, I told her, "Oh, I'm doing a parenting seminar, so I need to cover up my gray." And she was like, "Oh, I need help with parenting." you know, she um has two teenage boys and she's like, you know, asking me how do you connect with them or how do you, you know, I don't know. She just started to ask questions and I was like, well, I just have to tell you that I don't know how to answer your questions apart from like knowing God. I said, I have seven of them and they're all so different. Can you imagine there's no perfect way to parent. I can't just like give you an answer and then it's just you're going to go home and then it's going to work. I said, 'I have to ask God like, "Oh, this one seems like she needs this. Lord, would you would you help me know how do I connect with her? How I'm just I'm praying for them." Even like this Christmas, I was thinking about I was like, I love gifts and I love Christmas time. I'm like a giftgiver. And and I was like, Lord, that is your heart. You are the ultimate giftgiver. And so I started thinking, what if God is so excited about giving gifts to my children? I just, you know, this is like late at night. I'm laying in bed just talking to the Lord and I'm going, "Wow, that's crazy." So then I start praying, "Lord, what gift would you want to give to Ellie?" And then I get these ideas like I'm going to pray for each one of them and just ask God like, "What gift do you want to give to Zeke this year? What gift do you want to give to Silas? What gift do you want to give to Claire?" And I felt like the Lord gave me like, you know, something for each one of them. And then I just used scripture to like back it up. And I was like, "Hey guys." And I wrote them this letter and I decorated it all beautiful. This was not It's not like I read I'm just talking to the Lord. This is like not I hope that doesn't sound weird. I'm just trying to like bring you into I'm just having a conversation with God and thinking, "Oh my gosh, it just made me so excited. Like God loves my children. God loves your children and he's going to show you how to pray for them and how to connect with them and what they need and how to love them and and so I'm telling this lady like I don't know what I would do apart from like I have to ask God all the time for wisdom. I have to ask God all the time for help because it's way beyond me. I am a a piece of their story. They are given to us as like little temporary gifts. But you watch how they grow up. They get married, they go on, they live their own life, and you're just like, you're so grateful for like the whole body of Christ and all the other people that speak into their life that they learn from. Like, don't feel so much, don't put so much pressure on yourself. Like, you know, we want to take it seriously, but we also want to recognize, wow, I am not the end all beall for my child, and I prayed often that God would bring other people into their life. like fill up what's lacking in our parenting. You know, we don't have it all together. We're not doing it all perfectly. And when you realize like if there's moments in your life where you're like, "Wow, we are way off track." This is the other thing I want to say is don't fear because all you have to do is cry out to the Lord and say, "Lord, we are off track and God will bring you back." like there's there's just never a time when it's hopeless or like too far. No, it's not true. It's like God wants to give you today what you need if you ask him. And so when you feel like, wow, we're just blowing it. I mean, there's been so many times where I've been like, "Wow, even a decision we've made and I see that it affects them." And even if it's for the kingdom, those are all they're just heavy things that you carry. It's hard to watch your children struggle um fight through life, but God will be faithful to them. And so, just own up to it and be so willing to tell your kids, "I'm sorry. I actually haven't been doing this well and I'm sorry for this way that I've blown it." Like one time, I remember coming to my oldest daughter and I was like, "Rachel, I'm so sorry. I have literally tried to become the Holy Spirit in your life. And and she was like, "What? Mom, what are you talking about?" And I'm like, you know, I'm I'm like literally taking his job. I'm just like, you know, right over your shoulder trying to convict and teach and train and correct. And it's like, okay, there's a part of that, but I took it too far. Like God was really revealing it to me. like you are not the Holy Spirit and I need a little room to work in your child's life. I was like, "Wow." Okay. So, I just had to tell her just we just don't have to be afraid of even our mistakes and just own it and apologize to them and show humility. And God pours out his grace on on humility. It literally says that in scripture, my children, it's one of the ones I make them learn when they're young. It's a fill-in- thelank, you know, God gives grace to the and they're like humble, you know, he opposes the proud, you know, I'm like, this is like such an amazing truth. But if you have humility, if you can confess your shortcomings and your sins even to your children, it just brings in it ushers in God's grace and it just reminds them that you too need the grace of God. Yeah. I I was thinking about over dinner I was telling Jeff about we're doing a parenting seminar and then four of our kids were in there, our four younger ones. No, our four older ones. And uh I was like, "Hey, why don't you guys come up?" It was spontaneous. You going to huddle? You got like two minutes. Figure this out. What's the best thing we did? What's the worst thing we did? What's the funniest thing we did? You know, and they just got up and they were very honest about where I mean, Ellie was in tears crying, you know. All the negative was at me. They each had like I I mean, yeah, I guess I messed up the most, but I think partially because they just didn't want to embarrass mom in front of people, but it's okay for me. But it was just point is we're not perfect parents and uh and they were able to point things out and they say it publicly and we're not here to say we did it all right. Um but by the grace of God and that's where like their love for God that's not something you can create in them. You can model it. Um but it's like just like when I introduce Justin to Rachel. That's all I could do is make the introduction, you know, get her ready for this introduction, tell her he's a great guy, but I have no power to make them fall in love, right? And that's the way it is with the Lord. I can model and tell them, "Look, your dad's life, I went from misery, no one cared about me, unloved, rejected, period, just done with life." And then the Lord has just, he is the greatest, but I can't make you love him. And that's that's a miracle. And I think even we struggled with that with our oldest when uh, you know, she went through that middle school years where she was the only one that really got more rebellious and dishonest and and there was a time when Lisa's like, "Did we did we fail?" And I was like, "No, you can't we can't go there. We modeled the real thing. We are the real thing and she saw it. But according to my theology, I cannot make another human being fall in love with Jesus. And we can lock her up in her room and keep her from doing anything evil, but the moment she turns 18, she's just going to run rampant. Our only hope is that the Holy Spirit enters into her. Because once the Holy Spirit enters into her, then she'll have these convictions and she will hate sin. But you can restrict them all the time and but unless the spirit enters them, they it's not they can't have a whole lifetime of following Jesus just because mom and dad taught them. Well, like the temptations in the world are way too huge for that. And so this is about God and it's about his grace. And I remember the day when God's grace really fell upon Rachel and everything really did change and it became her own convictions. And so just understand that we're also not up here saying, "Hey, if you do this, you're guaranteed kids that love the Lord." And it's like, no, I know that every child of mine that is walking with the Lord, it is by the grace. It was a free gift. God gave it to me. God gave it to them. And uh they now walk in the spirit. And I couldn't be more thrilled.